Tuesday, July 1, 2014

One Year Ago...

Today I saw a post from last year when I found out my mom had breast cancer and a resulting double mastectomy and I was immediately hit with a flood of emotions. Not because my mom is currently sick, she isn’t- she is (praise all the baby goats!) cancer free. And that is so awesome. But  I remembered that moment- the fear, the sadness, the uncertainty I felt when I heard that news. I was so scared. My mom is my best friend. We have always been super close and to think of her in pain or hurting was soul crushing. I am crying as I type this. To say that was a tumultuous few months would be an understatement.

And of course, as I reflected back on last summer and my mom’s surgery I thought about how I had a really rough stretch of like 6-8 months last year. Paul and I were in a pretty bad place early on in the year, then my mom’s cancer scare, then the separation and divorce and the whirlwind that ensued because of it. Some days I wonder how I survived it all. And somehow I didn’t just survive it; somehow I came out the other end in a much better, happier, safer place.

I am lucky.

Or maybe I’m not.

Maybe I am here, having persevered through the rough stuff, not because of luck but because of resolve.  As the world was crumbling down around me I never let the temporary bad stuff take me down. Yeah, there were tough times. There were a ton of tears. And of course moments of doubt. But by and by I relied on my optimism, my friends and family, and my beliefs to see me through.

So, where am I going with this?  Eh, I’m not really sure.  I just wanted to share with you this story.  A little glimpse inside where I was then and where I am now to show you how quickly and how dramatically things can change- both in a positive and a negative way.

I think it is so hard to see ‘the end’ or ‘the results’ or ‘the happy ending’ when we are bogged down in shit. Especially during those times when we have no escape from the day to day circumstances that are weighing heavily on our minds and instead force us to rely heavily on hope or faith that it will all be ok.

So I just wanted to say this- everything will be ok.

Maybe not today, maybe not next week but trust me- it will be.

Life isn’t always good. But know this; if you woke up this morning able to breathe and live your life freely then guess what? It’s not as bad as it might seem.

So today, a year after some of the most shocking and saddening news I have ever received, I am fortunate enough to be here telling this story. This sad story with a happy ending.

My takeaway from all this- it’s just temporary. Even the shitty parts that make you feel hopeless. They will pass. You are strong. You will be happy. Maybe even happier than you’ve ever been. Just don’t give up hope. Even when you can’t see the finish line have faith in knowing it is there.

And always know that you are loved.

Love and hugs-