Wednesday, November 27, 2013


Today I am thankful…

First and foremost I am thankful to be on this earth another day and I hope that feeling of gratefulness for being alive never dulls. Because, truly, life is a gift and it is one I do not want to squander.

Today I am also thankful for…

My parents- who have always encouraged to me to chase my dreams. Who never set limits. Who honestly believed me when I said I would be the first female president. I am so lucky to have two wonderful role models to have taught me ‘everything I know’. Thank you for giving me a wonderful life. Thank you for always being proud. Thank you for always seeing the best in me.

My friends- who have always made me feel loved and cared for every day of my life. Friends of all ages, shapes, and sizes whom are woven into this amazing tapestry I call my life. Friends who give me courage to fight and a shoulder to cry on, hugs and love and heart-felt belly laughs. Friends who have taught me I am so much stronger than I ever thought possible. Thank you for making me brave. Thank you for making this life amazing!

My co-workers- who make every day a pleasure to be at work. So many smiles and stories. So much caring and fun. I am so fortunate to work with some of the most amazing people. I hope to never take this for granted…because a having a great job really makes my life so much easier and so much happier. Thank you for making my workday amazing which in turn makes my life pretty damn amazing!

My health- which makes me able to actively live my life. Long gone are all the nagging health issues, the painful joints, and the days of getting winded just climbing a flight of stairs. Today I give thanks for a healthy body and mind, endurance and strength, and of course the ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound…wait….that’s not me. Ok, but the other stuff is and for that I am thankful.

My home- and not necessarily my little apartment per se (although I do love my little place) but that fact that I have a home. I have a roof over my head and food on the table every day. I have heat, and more importantly in Florida, I have air conditioning. I have a little car that takes me to and from work and all around town. I have my bikes. I have a bed and pillows and a blanket. I want for nothing. And I am guessing if you are reading this then you are probably in the same position as me (re: you have a home and food on the table) so let’s all just take pause and give thanks for that. Give thanks that we have all our basic human needs plus more. We are so very lucky.

My life- for which I am blessed with a pretty great one, if I do say so myself. My life is not the life I had a few years ago or even a few months ago but heck if it isn’t more than I ever dreamed possible. I am so lucky to be able to love and in turn be loved every day. I am so lucky to be able to set goals and achieve them, to imagine the craziest of dreams and watch them come true. I am thankful for all the people in my life, old and new, who have gotten me to where I am today. I am not alone on this journey, I never have been, and I hope you recognize that when I give thanks for this life that you are the reason I am able to be here today doing so. I love you all so very much. Thank you for making my little story something fantastic.

Yes, tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I plan on spending a lot of time reflecting on all of the things mentioned above, plus more I’m sure, that I have to be thankful for. But I hope that I can carry this feeling of overwhelming gratefulness forward, past Thanksgiving, past Christmas, and into my everyday non-holiday life where it belongs. Because what are we if not a reflection of those we surround ourselves with? And me, I am just a reflection of you and for that I am thankful. Your awesomeness makes me awesome. Your love makes me both loving and lovable. Your kindness and compassion makes me strive to be kind and compassionate all the days of my life.

So, here’s to you- my friends, my loves, my soulmates- THANK YOU!

Happy Thanksgiving/Hanukkah!

Love and hugs-



Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Challenge NOT Accepted...

I’ve come to the recent realization that I can’t do fitness challenges anymore…

Ok, I mean I am sure that physically I can but mentally, spiritually, whatever, I just can’t commit.

And now, when the interwebs are all a glow with piles of miles and skinny snowmen (which are awesome challenges); I am just over here in my corner hoping to make it to tonight’s boot camp class. There’s no run streak, 30 day shred (well at least not 30 days continuously, lol!) or any of that end of year push through the holidays with some sort of daily challenge for me.

I just can’t (yeah, yeah I get it…won’t) do it.

Why? Well that’s a good question.

I think what has happened is that working with a nutritionist who has told me to do less and eat more and somehow I weigh less now than I have all year in over a decade (even with gaining back 2 pounds from what I lost during the super stressful parts of the divorce) and I am having fun living a ‘normal’ life has made me not want to do anything extreme. Not if I don’t have to.

I’ll be honest with you…I still love being active (that is something that is very important to me)...and I try to get in two boot camp classes plus some additional cardio (running or cycling) every week…BUT I am really enjoying not waking up at 430a-5a every day. Not working out before AND after work. Not planning my life around a training plan.  That life caused me to be too focused, too committed. I had tunnel vision. All I could see was that one path, with only one option.


I love my classes and runs on the track after work.

I love being able to stay out late on a Friday or Saturday without worry of how it will mess up my training schedule.

I love not having to stress about not doing enough or not eating everything just right or worrying I will gain 500 pounds if I have one little beer.

I was so focused for so long on losing and training and I was so scared that if I slowed down even the slightest I would immediately revert to a 286 pound couch potato that I stopped living my life and just lived the life I thought I needed to in order to stay on the ‘right path’.

Ok, so maybe that is a bit of an extreme recap of what parts of my journey were like but those of you who know me from the very beginning you may recall I was a bit uptight about everything.

Luckily, that behavior did get better over time as I realized I needed balance in my life. My focus started to shift to include all of the fun stuff I wanted to do as well. Dinners out, beers with friends, hockey games, movies, girl’s night at the skating rink, etc., all the social things I had been skipping out on -in addition to being active.

But even more recently, just a few months ago, I was still being a little bit extreme with the activity levels. Somewhere in my subconscious I must be very afraid of gaining back weight. Either that or I became so used to working out all the time that it became second nature…not sure. But either way, my behavior needed to change.

And change it did.

My nutritionist told me less cardio (meaning fewer workouts per week at a shorter duration than I had been- no more 5-6+ hours a week of straight cardio) and work towards a balance of strength training (1-2 times a week) with a little bit of cardio thrown into the mix (like 1-2, 30 min sessions of intervals) and to up my calorie intake to 1800/day regardless of if I work out or not.  Plus we switched up the foods I was eating as well and voila- that was the magic mix.

At first I felt scared to move less and eat more…it went against everything that helped me lose weight in the first place. But I listened to the expert and was able to comfortably and happily lose weight AND I didn’t stress about it either which made/makes life a whole lot easier. AND for the first time I am officially at what I would call my goal weight…156 lbs. That’s where my nutritionist wanted me and that is where I have been at or below for almost all of November. Yay!

But I digress…

My point, and there is one I swear, is this…

Over the last couple years I had needed the focus and drive and push from these type of challenges (or training plans) and they helped keep me going on this journey even when it got hard. And for that I am eternally grateful.

But this year….well, this year I am opting for something a bit different.

Something less stressful.

Something less involved.

Something less intense.

For me, for the next month or so, I am just committing myself to being happy, taking care of myself, having fun, celebrating life and making sure I don’t take any of it for granted.  Yes, I will still be active. Yes, I will still plan and grocery shop and bring my meals to work. Yes, I will still put my health first.

Of course I will.

But I will do so while drinking a beer, or spending the afternoon at the movies, or going out with friends to dinner, or even curled up on the couch with a cup of hot tea and some dark chocolate (watching movie previews) and I will make sure to say to myself…damn, this life is good!

Because damn, this life really is good!

Love and kisses-


Oh and since I forgot to say it yesterday with my Thanksgiving wishes…Happy Hanukkah!

Monday, November 25, 2013

FMM: the Holidays- Parts One and Two

If you’ve taken part in Friend Makin’ Monday (FMM) then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section over at: so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Make sure you share your link over at All theWeigh so everyone can see your responses. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s (and last week’s too) topic!

The Holidays: Part 1

1. What are you plans for Thanksgiving this year? I am quite fortunate that a number of my friends and co-workers invited me to spend the holiday with them this year. My plans are to go with a friend of mine and spend Thanksgiving with his family. It will be nice. It’s been 5 years since I spent Thanksgiving with my family so it will be a welcome change to spend it this way.

2. At what point do you being celebrating the Christmas season? Typically I try to wait until after Thanksgiving before I start celebrating Christmas however, there are Christmas songs already on the radio 24/7 and decorations already up around town so it is hard not to get sucked in.

3. Do you celebrate Christmas, or do you celebrate another holiday? Christmas

4. If you could have one present (you know, a material good, not love or world peace) what would you want? Wow….that’s a tough one. I feel like I already have everything I need and my list of wants is pretty small. I would say I would love some new earrings to replace the hummingbird ones I lost or even a new necklace to replace the one I broke (sorry James)
Oh and this is completely ridiculous and far too expensive for a throw pillow but I love it so much. That would be the one present I would pick...

5. Share an idea or two that you can plan to do for someone who may need to feel loved throughout the holiday season. I have been on the hunt for really unique and meaningful gifts this year. This year I expect Christmas will be a lot different for me and instead of just getting hung up on me being alone I am trying to focus on showing those around me (and all over the country) how much their love and support means to me. This year I am going to try and make the holidays about giving thanks and spreading loving joy and celebrating life. You know- the real reasons for the holidays.

6. Would you rather spend the holiday season on the beach or in the snow? BEACH! Don’t get me wrong, I love the snow…for like a day or two…but I love the beach more. The beach feels like home to me…I think that’s why I love Pensacola so much.

7. What is your favorite Thanksgiving food? That’s a tough one…I would say either pumpkin pie or mashed potatoes. I did have some oyster mushroom cornbread stuffing a few weeks ago (which I will be preparing for this Thanksgiving) and it was so yummy….it may be my new favorite.

8. Will you participate in Black Friday shopping? Nope. I hate crowded malls/stores so BF is like a nightmare for me. If I shop at all it will be on Amazon…from the comfort of home.

9. Will you travel for the holidays or stay at home? If you’re traveling, are you flying or driving or making alternate plans? Like I said earlier, I am spending Thanksgiving with a friend and his family. We will be driving. It’s like an hour away from here- nothing too major. For Christmas I will be at home resting after surgery. The only travel plans I have for Christmas is spending what I am dubbing ‘Christmas weekend’ (the weekend before my surgery) traveling to Mobile (which is only an hour from here) to see the Nutcracker and a Christmas light show at Bellingrath Gardens.

10. List at least 5 things for which you are currently thankful. I have so much to be thankful for but I will keep this list short.

·         My family (which includes my furbabies, whom I miss oh so much)


·         My friends

·         My health

·         My job

·         Pensacola….my home

The Holidays and More: Part 2

1. What state/country do you live in? I live in Florida…the sunshine state :)

2. Where were you born? Were you raised there? I was born just outside of Philadelphia and grew up there until I was 8 (I think) when we moved across the bridge into Jersey...yep, I’m a Jersey girl…watch what you say ;)

3. How do you feel about stores like Wal-Mart opening on Thanksgiving Day for pre-Black Friday sales? Will you participate? Absolutely not! The whole idea is revolting. People (especially those who work in retail) deserve to spend Thanksgiving with their families (or at least not working) and I think being open that day is completely unnecessary and completely ridiculous.

4. Have you ever participated in a Turkey Trot? Yes! Last year; for the first time. It was a four-miler and it was awesome. Don’t think I will be doing one this year but hopefully I can get in a post-Thanksgiving feast walk to help the digestion ;)

5. What was your favorite toy as a child? I think you might need to ask my parents this one to know for sure but I feel like I had a giant doll that was the same size as me, maybe bigger, that I really loved. Oh and the doll house my great uncle Richard built for me.

6. Will you count points/calories on Thanksgiving Day? I don’t most days so no, I won’t be tracking on Thanksgiving. I will, however, try to not overeat or eat when I am already full just because I love ALL THE FOOD. I will try to treat it like a normal day and listen to my hunger cues. But, it is Thanksgiving and I’m not a robot…I will probably eat more than I would on a normal day. Lol!

7. Will you watch football Thursday? I am guessing we will. I definitely know I will be watching some football on Friday and Saturday. Oh and I get to go to two hockey games this week; Wednesday and Saturday. Yay!

8. Do you decorate inside/outside of your home for the holidays? Usually I do. This year, in my new apartment, I probably won’t do much though. I do have this little ceramic tree (that looks like the ones my grandmothers had/have when I was growing up) that makes me feel so happy every time I look at it. Definitely makes my little home super festive.


9. Do you have allergies that prevent you from eating traditional holiday meals? No allergies but as a vegan it is pretty difficult to eat most ‘traditional’ holiday food items. For my Thanksgiving dinner I am making baked tempeh with roasted veggies, cornbread stuffing, and probably some green beans or broccoli. I am also bringing cupcakes from a local bakery that sells both vegan and non-vegan cupcakes so I am going to bring a mix.

10. Is it snowing where you live? Ha! Nope…and I certainly hope it doesn’t. This Florida girl is not prepared for snow.

What about you? How will you be spending the holidays this year?

Happy Thanksgiving loves!

XOXO- Dacia

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Wordless Wednesday: My Weekend

Friday Night: Gallery Night
Taggin' some walls...that's how I do....

Saturday: Pensacola Craft Beer Fest plus other stuff,..
Foggy start to the day...
Coffee, coffee, coffee...
Farmers Market
Beer Fest!

One of my (many) faves of the day!
Sunday: Brunch, Hockey and Beer!

Complimentary mimosas....yes, please!
This pillow will be mine one day....
My favorite park...
Let's Go Flyers!!!
Yay! Rogue!
Oh, and this weekend I played cornhole for the first time; Saturday at the Beer Fest and Sunday at the brewery. It was awesome. Sorry, I wish I had some pics. Next time!
Happy Wednesday!
Love and hugs!

Just Some News...

I am less than a month out from my surgery date and I am both excited and nervous. Wow!  Actually, it’s 4 weeks out as of today. Crazy!

I was talking to my friend Jess the other day and she made me realize that I don’t think I posted anything on the blog once I had a surgery date set.

Actually, what had happened was I got a surgery date (probably about month or so ago) but I was not 100% sure whether or not I would have the surgery because of the divorce. You know, the whole ‘I-may-not-have-insurance’ thing was kind of the big deciding factor. I should mention that I added health insurance coverage through my work but it won’t go into effect until January 1st so if Paul and I were to be divorced prior to my surgery date I would be uninsured.

But then last week we got our court date.

January 16th.

One week after my 36th birthday.

6 days after what will be our ninth and final wedding anniversary.

Kind of surreal, and it’s less than two months away.

I just need to take a minute to think about that…because it is a big deal. I know it is the right thing for me (and Paul) but a huge, epic chapter of my life is about to come to a close. I have to acknowledge that.

And I have.

And I will continue to recognize this.

But I am ready to start the next chapter of my life.

And as thankful as I am for all of the chapters that have come before, and all of the characters they involved, I am equally thankful, and excited, for those that have yet to be written…

Right now the future seems filled with possibilities (that’s my optimistic way of saying filled with unknown circumstances- lol) and that makes me happy. Excited and happy.

And of course a bit scared…but just a little bit. A manageable amount… J

Anywho….back to the surgery topic…

Since our divorce finalization is a month after my surgery date I will still able to go through with the procedure.

And hopefully between my current insurance and my new insurance all of my nine million follow-up appointments will be covered too.

And thankfully my boss is super awesome and has been very understanding in regards to the ridiculous number of doctors’ appointments I have had these past few months and will have before and after the surgery.

The only downside of this whole thing, and it is really not that big of a deal, is that I will be spending Christmas completely alone. Some days, the idea of being alone (again) through the holiday makes me sad. On the upside, it will only be a week post-surgery- I will probably be too out of it to care. That’s what I am hoping will happen, at least. No one wants to be sad and alone and somewhat immobile on Christmas....

In other news…

On Monday I went to the county tax collector’s office (or what I continually refer to as the DMV) and got my Florida driver’s license, registered my car and re-titled it in Florida. I feel quite official. Can I call myself a Floridian now? And I am pretty excited to finally have a driver’s license photo that actually looks like me. I mean, the picture sucks (of course), but at least you know it’s me when looking at it.

My fitbit officially died last week. Thankfully the company is sending me a whole new replacement unit. I can’t wait until it gets here, I feel so strange not wearing it, but honestly I have had so many issues with it lately that even though I would wear it daily my actual log hasn’t been accurate in quite some time. Hopefully this new unit does the trick and hopefully it will last longer than the not even 3 months I had the first one for.

Oh, do you remember me talking about that project I had due on the 10th? I feel like I mentioned that I had the dates wrong and thought it was due in December. Well that paper/project ended up being 35 pages long and it got me an A! BOOM! Yeah, not really sure how I pulled that one off but I was pretty excited when I found out my grade this past Monday. Totally set the tone for the whole week J

Also, speaking of classes- I cannot believe this semester is almost over. I really just cannot believe it. I just registered for the spring semester this week and am really looking forward to having a few weeks off in between. Don’t get me wrong; I love being a full time grad student and I love being a full time employee but there are definitely times when doing both simultaneously gets to be a bit much. Luckily, I have been able to manage so far. I think this is the easy part though…it’s really my dissertation I am concerned about. But I will cross that bridge when I get to it. For now, I will happily continue on doing both.

I am happy to report my first weekend living downtown was pretty freaking awesome. I have some pictures I took at all of the events I attended and I am hoping to get them up in this week’s Wordless Wednesday post later today…yes, people, I am trying to get two posts up today. Shocking, I know. I just wanted to mention here how awesome it was being able to walk everywhere I went all weekend long. It was fantastic. It was nice walking to all my favorite spots and taking some time to explore and find some new places. It was great. This weekend will be a mix of downtown activities (Christmas fair, beers/dinners/brunch out, farmers market, a 5K walk) mixed with time being in town- I plan on going to see Catching Fire this weekend. I am pretty excited- it should be a nice, low-key weekend.

Hmmm…other than all that stuff I am not really sure there is much new to report. Just life, as normal; eat all the vegan food, drink all the craft beer, work, work, work, school, school, school, boot camp, run, bike, laugh, sing,  and as always be  a tad bit (ok, a whole lot of) ridiculous.

Hope all is well with you!

Love and hugs!

Dacia (and Ruby)

Such a serious face for such a goofy puppy...

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

My New Normal

I am trying to settle into what I am now calling my ‘new normal’.

It’s weird; a whole new life. A new place to live. A new routine.

Pretty much a new Dacia….ok, that’s sounds a bit hokey and probably a bit overdramatic too but throughout this whole process I am really starting to change. And it’s a good thing. I think I am finally starting to find ‘me’, you know?

And that was kind of the whole point. So that’s good.

But it is what it is, it’s not always easy. I don’t mean to sound like I am trivializing the impact of this divorce. I am just letting you know I am doing my best to work through it the only way I know how, by trying to take care of me. Sometimes it’s scary, sometimes it’s exciting but it is always, though, my life. If that makes sense.

I’m adjusting.

I know it will take time before this new life feels normal but it’s getting there.

And for that I am thankful.

And excited.

There is a lot to be excited about, especially in regards to my new place….mainly the location. It excites me that I can walk home from the bar at night or walk down a few blocks and grab some breakfast. I can walk to the farmers market and the bike shop. I can walk to yoga and I live directly behind the Pilates Barre studio which will be great when I start going back for private sessions. It will be especially nice when I just have to cross the street to get to the civic center for hockey games...I think it will actually be a shorter walk for me from my apartment to the arena than it is from where we normally park. That’s pretty awesome. Add in all the places to run and bike and just the general excitement of being downtown and I am pretty thrilled. Oh, and walking distance to my favorite vegan restaurant- can’t forget that! These things really help make the transition easier.

And I need those things to help me get through this. That and time with friends. Those things have really made, and will continue to make, a huge impact on my life. Nothing feels as good as a hearty belly laugh and a big warm bear hug; especially when I get nervous or anxious about these new/unfamiliar situations.

I love that I have weekly dinner dates with my friend A, or that my co-worker invited me to girl’s night at a pottery studio this Friday. She and I also have plans to go out to the caverns in January which will be awesome! I love that I have people in my life that want nothing more to help cheer me up when they see me struggling. And of course, I love the fact that I receive daily messages from friends all over the country asking about me, thinking about me, just showing genuine concern for me- I have never felt so much love than as I do right now. I am truly the luckiest girl alive to have such a wonderful and caring support system.

Right now, aside from the stress related to what seems like a never ending to-do list of divorce stuff, life is pretty good. I turned in a huge project for one of my grad classes this past weekend, which was a great relief. I am moved in and settling into my new place. I am back into a somewhat new workout routine, which I love, and was finally able to go back to boot camp last night now that I am almost 100% over this cold. I am eating better, sleeping better, and I gained 2 lbs. Yay! I love being a healthy 155 versus an unhealthy 153. Work is great and an added bonus is that I get to spend my days with some of the most amazing people who make me laugh and smile all the time. These ladies I work with, they are awesome. It makes life easier.

Today, this post is easy to write. I am happy, feeling good, optimistic (as per the usual) and want to share things about my life, happy things. Things that make me smile.

A few days ago- during parts of the move- or even yesterday- while freaking out about how to title my car in Florida as a non-Florida resident with like no proof of address (which I think I finally figured out how to do)- those were some low points. Those were times I couldn’t write about…the words wouldn’t come. I was a whole mess of emotions. The tough, not fun ones. Missing my dogs. Feeling sad for hurting Paul and fearful of possibly losing him as a friend at some point. Feeling miserable and nervous about the state of my life- being completely self-reliant for the first time in a very, very, very long time. And of course being scared of this new future, which sometimes seems rather limited now.

But those feelings pass. I find ways to bring myself back into a happy mind frame (usually drawing on the support of others to get me there) and I see the hope in what lies ahead. I see adventure, not uncertainty. I see growth and love and unlimited possibilities. And I know that in the end both Paul and I will come out of this ok.

Actually, better than ok.

And that….that helps me sleep at night.

So here it is- my new normal…thank you for being a part of it.

 Hockey Night! Go Ice Flyers!!!

 I'm always bundled up like I'm in the Arctic Tundra or something...
 Super excited for next week's cooking class!!! Pumpkin Cheesecake...Yes, please!
 Vegan brunch...still excellent even when I dine alone...go figure. Lol!
 Best part of brunch :)
 Happy for road trips to Alabama...
 Did I just say happy and Alabama in the same sentence??? Lol!
 This brewery is amazing...if you are local I highly recommend checking it out.
 Last week's dinner date with A involved some Indian food and of course, you know me, some Indian beer...
 Chocolate Peanut Butter Stout....yes, please!
 Enjoying a beer on move-in day 2 at the Brewery just a few blocks away!
 Breakfast at the Leisure Club!
 My view...can't every Monday start this way??? Ok, I'll settle for every Sunday. is never dull in Pensacola...

Love you always,


Monday, November 4, 2013

Once Upona Time...

Once upon a time…

I used to write about the not so serious stuff.

You know; the running, the riding…the theme of my blog…

So I feel like I should apologize that lately this blog has been a lot about my weight loss, the surgery, divorce, loss of friends, cancer…lots of sad and tough topics.

I swear I really am one happy person even if that isn’t evident lately in my posts.

So, here’s what I have been thinking, the thoughts piling up in my head.

Well, I am thinking about a few things actually…

1.       Maybe I should change my blog name. I did this before when I was on WP. Kept the link, changed the name. Is that confusing? Should I just create a whole new blog? I know so many (I am guessing a large majority) of bloggers never change their name. But to me, it feels kind of natural. Last year I started R.R.R. and at the time that was my life. I was 100% focused on training; my days were running, riding, or a combo of the two. Now, those are just a small part of my life. Yes, I still love running. Yes, I still love cycling. But I have moved into this new chapter of my life (even before the divorce) where I am focusing on so many other things. Getting stronger, leaner, healthier. I see a nutritionist. I love my boot camp classes. I continually tweak my diet. I am also far more social. Long gone are the 4am alarms for training runs. I will take a Sunday morning hot yoga class over a long run any time. My life is about balancing it all; work, school (I’m working on a freaking doctorate- can you believe that???), health, fitness, relaxation, friends, hockey, and lots of beers. I feel like with this new chapter in my life there should also be a change here. Or maybe I am being a bit too overdramatic? Thoughts? Also, if you are so kind to comment on this idea- do I keep everything the same; twitter, FB, links and just change the header name OR a complete overhaul?

2.       I need to take better care of myself. Last week (the first full week I 100% lived outside of the apt with Paul) was rough. And I kind of expected it to be. I mean, it’s difficult living with someone, even if it is just temporary, because it is hard for me to keep to my routine. My focus last week was trying to take care of the 9 million divorce related things I needed to do all while fighting a cold (which is almost gone, yay!), fighting a losing battle with a friend (which really took its toll on me)  and trying to not be a nuisance to my temporary roomie all while stressed about my impending homelessness. I should note that Paul did not kick me out, nor did my temp roomie, I exaggerate when I say impending homelessness. I am just ready to be in my own place. To be settled. To start this next phase. It’s what all three of us need. Limbo sucks. You know? But because of the unusual circumstances of the week this meant I got in only two, yep TWO, workouts and my eating was sub-par. And by sub-par I mean not eating enough. My calorie intake was way too low. And my body felt it. Thankfully, by the end of the week it did get better. I was eating more, trying to focus on how I would get back into a routine this week, focusing on just trying to make the best decisions I could every day, and focusing on finding a place to live- which I did. The downside of a crazy week like this is that I lost 3 pounds. I am down to 153. Most people would be happy. Me, not so much. Those three pounds are gone because I didn’t take care of myself and that is a big warning flag. This week- I hope to gain a bit back. Eat better. Workout 5 times (that’s my goal). And hopefully move into my new place on Saturday. All while working on a huge project for one of my grad classes. Surprisingly enough, I am not too stressed over all of this. I have a plan for the week. And I am ready to kick some ass.

3.       I am happy. Well, at least as happy as one person can be given the circumstances. I want you to know that. I am not locked away somewhere crying in my beer, feeling sorry for myself. Yes, at times I do get a bit sad. I get scared. It’s not always easy. But for the most part, especially with each passing day, it gets easier. I am more hopeful. I am happy. I am creating new memories, experiencing new things. And it’s good. I am focused on myself, my dreams. And there is so much less pressure when you only need to think of yourself. It’s a weird shift, its palpable the changes that are happening, but it’s good. It’s what I need right now. It’s what I need period.

4.       I may or may not wake up Sunday morning and run a half marathon. We’ll see.  I am still sick, I am moving on Saturday, I have a huge project due Sunday but it’s something I may still do. My friend Jodi is running it, it will be her first, and I told her I would run it with her. To help her through it. For support. To take pictures. To hold her water bottle. Whatever. Because I have ran all of mine alone. Some with no one there at the finish line. And it sucks. So, if I can, I will probably run the Pensacola half on Sunday. Because being a good friend needs to be one of my top priorities right now. It can’t always be about me all the time. Plus- it will be fun as hell doing this with her and I can certainly use more fun in my life!

5.       One of my co-workers said to me the other day that I should write a book on divorce- she says she is totally impressed about how Paul and I are handling this entire situation. I give him all the credit. He has really been great throughout the whole process. I am lucky to call him my friend. Sometime soon, probably this week, we will receive our court date to finalize the divorce. We will just need to appear and say that we both still agree to the terms we set and that is that. The judge signs off on our papers and it’s over. Kind of crazy how fast it all happens. But I digress…the point I want make here is this; there are some people in my life that think Paul and I are handling this divorce in a good way, some people think we are doing it all wrong and would prefer for us to not maintain a positive relationship (yes, there are people that actually want Paul to cut all ties with me), and there are people that want to know every detail and criticize/question our choices. But the thing is, and I know I said this last week, how we handle the divorce is no one’s business but ours. We have to live this life. We are trying to do what is best for us both. Not everyone will see it that way. Not everyone will understand. Nor should they. We are all different; different ideals, beliefs, behaviors, and so not everyone will think we are doing what is best for us. So- I just want to reassure you (in case there was any doubt) YES, we are doing what is best for us. It’s not always easy but we both just want to walk away from this not broken. With the least damage possible. With good memories. Care in our hearts. And possibly a connection, in some form or another, that could last a very, very long time. I just wanted you to hear this, again, from me. So you know we are ok. We are surviving this thing the best we can. And we are doing what works for us. That has been our decision since day 1 and we are sticking to it.

Well, that’s a whole lot of words- much more than I planned on writing today but it’s good. It’s good to be able to fill you in on what is happening in my life. The last thing I want is for you to worry about me. I’m here. I’m good.

And one day soon…I’ll be great.



Friday, November 1, 2013

Walking Away...

There is so much I want to write about but I am just not sure where to start.

Maybe I should start here…

I am very fortunate to have the life I have today. Very fortunate for my health, my friends and family, love, happiness, kindness, compassion- I have it all. I don’t take these things for granted. I am lucky that I have been able to surround myself with positive and like-minded individuals who have always cared for me and loved me, as is.

That’s a really big deal.

Having positive people around me makes it easier to be a positive person.

Having accepting people in my life that let me be me, without judgment (because honestly- what right is it of ours to judge others), have made it easier for me to be accepting and non-judgmental.

But of course there will always be people in my life, acquaintances, co-workers, strangers at the gym, etc., that I have no control over. I can keep my circle of friends and family tight, surround myself with only those who represent the type of person I aim to be ,but I have no control as to what happens on the periphery of that circle.

This week I have been hit hard. By someone I thought was in my circle, someone I considered a friend.

I have just been overwhelmed with negative feelings and emotions all week long.

Maybe I brought this on myself. My actions have consequences, I know that.

And I need to stop here and say that this has nothing to do with Paul, he and I are good. We are actually hanging out tonight. I am getting to spend the night with the pups. He and I are adults and are handling this whole divorce in a mature and civil fashion.

Others in my life, not so much.

But here is the thing…before I go off into a diatribe about this whole shitty situation, which I shouldn’t because that whole mess isn’t worth the space of a few lines on my blog…

The thing is…it is important to know when to cut your losses and walk away.

That’s what I had to do this week. It sucked. It’s been a really long time since I had to make the tough decision to end a friendship. And to clarify, this friendship was over- I had to make the decision to stop fighting to revive it. To stop fighting to try and fix something that probably shouldn’t be fixed.

Because ultimately, I need good people in my life. Loving, kind, caring people who recognize I am a human being too. I have flaws. I make mistakes. I hurt and feel pain. And I love so deeply. I wear my heart on my sleeve and am easily crushed because of it. That’s me.

And someone that doesn’t get that…well they probably shouldn’t be in my life.

I know that.

And I know that I have so many wonderful people in my life that I don’t need to fight for one that doesn’t want to be a part of it.

But it still hurts.

Every day.

But…it gets easier.

So today, today I chose to focus on my circle. The amazing people I get to call friends. The loves of my life, my soul mates, my beacons of hope…

And today I chose to ignore what lies out in the periphery.

Because those people are not what matter to me.

You are. And today, just like every day, I am thankful for you.

Love and kisses,