Mid-Month Update: May edition

On Friday, May 5^th I closed up my LuLaRoe shop and as of today I am officially no longer a LuLaRoe consultant. Phew, what a weight off my shoulders. Not that I didn't love being a consultant, I did. It just took every bit of my energy and free time (and non-free time too) to do it. Erick and I had not had a weekend off since we started this a year ago. Even the few times we traveled over the last 12 months were for work. So yeah, we are both EXHAUSTED and in need for a serious change in our lifestyle.

And this big change couldn’t have come at a better time as we are just a couple weeks away from putting our house on the market and we still have so much left to do! But we have definitely made progress and we think (hope) we will get it all finished in time.

The permits for our new home have all been filed and we are just waiting to meet with the contractor. Sometime in the next couple of weeks construction will begin on our new home and I am sooooo excited. It’s been 9 weeks since we signed the contract and we have been anxiously awaiting the build process to start. We visit the site every week and take pictures of the progress. Which, as of right now, is just the lot has been cleared, dirt has been brought in and leveled and that is it. But still, all of that has been super exciting for us. We cannot wait for fall to move into our new home. EEEK!!!

In other big news....I started seeing a therapist last week. She commended me on already utilizing the healthy habits she encourages her patients to use; mediation, activity (even light activity, 20-30 mins 4-5 times a week), and socialization. I have spent the past year just working, working, working and all of the things she mentioned were practically nonexistent in my life – which was probably why my stress levels were through the roof. One of the first things I did as soon as I knew I would be closing up shop was to start planning social events and activities with my friends because I felt like that was an area I had really neglected and there was so much I wanted to be doing. I am so excited to be making plans and spending time with my friends again. It seemed like others were really interested in doing more things together too so we even created our own little FB group where we share events and make plans together. It is awesome! 

I think I may have mentioned previously that I have started to incorporate meditation into my daily routine. I have been using the Calm app on my iPhone and I just love it! At night Erick and I listen to the sleep stories in bed. It is so calming…the app is very aptly named ;)  I also found a 2 hour meditation class this week and signed up for that as well. I really want to build my meditation practice up so it becomes an everyday part of my life. I have found myself much more focused and far less stressed on the days I am able to meditate.

Meditation came to me when I needed something to help save me from a complete nervous breakdown. I am not an expert or even yet a regular practitioner but I am already feeling the benefits of incorporating it into my life. It is seriously so amazing how something as simple as 10 minutes a day set aside to focus on clearing your mind and stopping all the busy around you can have a huge impact on your mental well-being. It’s great.

And of course activity…I will admit there are days where I am still heartbroken over my diagnosis and the fact that I will never be a runner again. That is/was a hard pill to swallow. BUT I have really started to find activity that I can do and love and that has brought me such happiness. I am finally feeling comfortable with light activity after many months of not being able to do anything except for PT and PT recommended stretches. Last week I started a 3 week yoga program (through Beachbody, so it is all at home stuff) and have completed the first week of that. I actually took a real in person class on Saturday morning. I found this event on Facebook for Yoga 4a Cause to raise money to help end human trafficking and they were having a yoga class on the outfield of our local baseball stadium. I wasn’t sure I would be able to do much or any of it but I went anyway because I wanted the experience and time with friends. It ended up being a fabulous class and I was able to do most of it without modifications. It made me feel comfortable enough to sign up for a couple beginners classes this week so in addition to the yoga at home I will be taking a Wednesday night class and a Saturday morning class.  I am really excited for both!

I am very thankful that yoga is in my life  again. I am happy to have something to be passionate about and that makes me feel alive and energized. For the first time in a very long time, I am starting to feel like me again. And I wouldn't trade that feeling for anything...

xoxox,

Dacia

Sliding Board

I’ve been thinking a lot about my weight loss/get healthy/fitness journey getting back to where I was a year ago. You know, back before working all the time and then suffering through two ridiculous injuries. Back into the groove I used to thrive in.

Today the realization hit me that I have gained back just under 40% of my weight loss. That number hurts my heart. Not because I feel fat or hate the idea of being the weight that I currently am but because I know what it took to lose it all and how ‘easy’ it was to gain 40% of it back.

Now I should start by saying, I am still super proud of maintaining that loss for almost 5 years. And maybe had I never gotten injured I would still be kicking ass in maintenance mode. But that is not what happened. And now I am here. Fighting every day to get back to that place where I once was. Not necessarily a weight but a lifestyle. An active and healthy lifestyle that I enjoyed so much.

After three weeks of focusing my energy into making better decisions – eating more whole foods and moving my body more- I had a really rough two days where I just did not GAF. My eating wasn’t off the rails, although it could have been better, but that wasn’t the issue. The issue was I just had this gloomy “I really don’t care anymore” feeling that I could not shake.

Even getting up today took a solid hour of convincing that I needed to get out of bed and get my booty to work.

My journey towards health has always been a mental battle more so than physical. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t easy exercising at 300 lbs and it really isn’t easy now either at 200 lbs as my fitness level is super low. BUT the physical hurdles were (are) nothing when I compare them with the mental battles.

Now whether or not this is true I am not sure, but it certainly feels to me that I can ‘lose’ any mental battle way faster than I can the physical ones.

When I think of my biggest struggles (convincing myself I am worth it and then motivating myself to have my actions reflect that belief) I picture a sliding board.

Convincing myself I deserve to be healthy and fit and talking myself into doing the ‘right’ things can some days feel like I am climbing up a sliding board. Here I am at the bottom feeling low, and trying to get back to a healthy, positive, loving, caring mindset is a series of small, challenging steps. I need strength to push forward and I need focus to stay the course. Each day am navigating myself to the top of the slide- to that place where I need to be.

But then I take a misstep, I give up on myself, and boom! I am quickly back on the bottom of the slide. Usually I stay here for a day or two (or week or month) before I turn back around and start to climb again.

It seems so easy to slide back down when you are barely strong enough to climb.

I know that I every time I fall I am not falling to the bottom. And I know that every time I start to climb it will get easier. Even when I think about my sliding board now I know it is not nearly as steep or as long as the one I set out to climb 6+ years ago. I’m a different person now, so my life challenges are different too. Maybe my sliding board is more like this one:

Side note: I grew up calling this a sliding board but apparently that is a regional term and most people call this a slide. Hopefully the title of this post was not too confusing for you :) 

I do feel like this time around it has been more challenging. I am not sure if that is because the circumstances are so different or if it is because I feel like I lost so much this past year or if it is because I cannot envision what my healthy lifestyle will look like now that I have so many activity restrictions. Probably a mixture of it all.

I think that 6 years ago it seemed easier because I had nowhere else to go but up. I was super lazy with terrible eating habits. Something, no matter how small of a change, was so much better than where I had been. Now the changes I need to make aren’t huge, I mean even at my worst during the injury, I still packed my breakfast and lunch every day. I did eat some processed foods but not a ton. I was probably closer to 60/40 than 80/20 but I still rarely drank or ate out. I was just completely inactive. And that is what led me here today.

Maybe I just have too many expectations of what my life should be based on where my life used to be. I think maybe I just need new expectations, new goals, and new dreams instead of wishing back the life I used to have.

Tomorrow I see my doctor for my semi-annual checkup and will get back the lab results from my blood work I had last week. My last check up back in the fall, even though I had already started to gain weight from the injury, my doctor was still super impressed with my lab work results. She said she was not concerned with the weight gain because I was internally the picture of health. I wonder how much they have changed after a solid 6 months of no activity….

I will let you know tomorrow.

Lastly, I really need to thank you for allowing me a place to talk about these deeply personal feelings. Trust me, although it may sound really negative I merely want to showcase the side of the battle I am fighting right now. We all have our own hurdles, and right now this is mine. It’s no different than yours. But when I talk about mine it helps me to put things in perspective and begin to really focus on the underlying struggles and issues. Because at the end of the day, I want to be healthy again. I want to be fit and full of energy. I want to treat my body, mind and spirit the way that they deserve to be treated because I only have one life. And I intend to live it fully.

xoxox,

Dacia 

Today *the original title was too long

Aside from taking care of my sick puppy and then scraping the heck out of my heel on some brick, I was having an awesome morning. I had an appointment to see my chiropractor at 730a so I am feeling pretty great right now. Plus, he is just the nicest guy so I always enjoy my time there. Thursday’s are usually very stressful days for me – they are almost always the busiest work day of the week and then when I am home I am usually swamped with LuLaRoe party stuff. That means I usually end up going to bed much, much later than my norm and waking up much, much earlier on Friday- to take care of business stuff -before I leave for work. During a typical week I pretty much feel a little more exhausted every day from working during the day and night every day and by the time Saturday hits I am a full on zombie. If I am lucky, my body will let me sleep in on Sunday but usually my internal clock has a different idea.

For the past few weeks, as we are starting to prepare to close up our LuLaRoe shop, we have been able to step back a bit and make a little more time for ourselves. Did I tell you why are we closing our business? We are in the process of getting ready to put our house on the market because we have a contract down on a new build home that should be ready sometime this fall. 

We knew that once our house was on the market (hopefully by June 1) we would not be able to run our LuLaRoe business again until we were settled into our new home later this year. It would be a logistical nightmare to try and make it work so we made the difficult decision to close. The close may be temporary, or it may be permanent- we still don’t know for sure. But I am trying not to stress about that. Or the 1,000 pieces of clothing I need to sell before we list our home. Or what this means for my LuLaRoe group and the connection I have made with some of the most amazing women. I am trying to not stress over any of that.

Which you know that means I am absolutely stressed over all of it.

Which is why I am trying to get into a daily meditation routine and am practicing daily self-care acts.

It’s also why I am trying to eat better and be more active.

And why I am trying to spend more time with friends and Erick and have a ‘normal’ life again.

Now more than ever I need to control the things in my life that are controllable and try to NOT STRESS over the ones that are not.

So today I am going to start something I hope to be able to do weekly- a ‘what I am going to do to take care of  myself today’ post.

Today I will:

1.       Take a walk out in the beautiful sun during my lunch break and literally stop and smell the flowers

2.       Stand at my desk (I now have a variable height desk, post injury) for a total of 4 hours

3.       Eat an amazingly yummy and healthy dinner with Erick and NOT have my phone out at the table (which is pretty hard to do when you run an online business)

4.       Jump on my fitness trampoline for 20 minutes

5.       Meditate

6.       And most importantly (and the most difficult)- I WILL NOT STRESS EAT!!!

Those are my six goals for today to help me feel good about myself, find balance between work and self-care, and end the day on a positive note.

What are you doing for yourself today?

xoxox

Dacia

Why Now?

Is it weird to come back to blogging in a time where blogs are kind of a thing of the past? Are blogs a thing of the past? I hear it is all about microblogging now. I really don’t know what that means- small blogs is my best guess. LOL!

Honestly, it’s ok if no one reads this.

My main goals is just to write.

I never really expected anyone to read my blog posts for the five years prior so now isn’t really any different.

I just need to write again.

Why?

Because a) it’s kind of unfair to Erick to have me dump every thought and emotion on him solely all the time. Poor guy, I am sure he misses me writing too. So reason A is really that I need another outlet.

But the main reason, I guess reason B, is that even though I have an outlet (and I am sure I have more outlets than just the hubs but sometimes I suck at communicating the hard stuff) there is still so much I have been burying inside. And when I do that it’s only me stuck with those thoughts. Those thoughts, which could be perfectly harmless had I just said them to someone else and had a normal conversation about them (or wrote about them in my blog), then turn to damaging thoughts.

Because those hidden thoughts and emotions had time to fester they’ve turned from something maybe a little negative to something off the charts negative. I have spent far too much time over this past year telling myself I was a failure. That I was disgusting. That I was not good enough. And you know what happened? I started to believe that.

I lost hope in myself.

I conceded.

I believed that was that and I was just destined to go back to that person I was six years ago. That girl that sat on the sidelines and passively watched her life pass her by.

I lost my identity.

And I gave up.

For months and months I just gave up. I was broken. I would never heal. I would never be that girl that ran back to back half marathons or finished a triathlon or would ride 50 miles on her bike just for fun. That girl was gone and she wasn’t coming back. And I had no fucking clue how to process that.

I don’t know what happened to bring me there or when I hit my breaking point but rock bottom came and that familiar feeling- that one I felt 6 years ago when I started this ‘journey’- hit me like a ton of bricks.

I didn’t give up six years ago. And I won’t give up now.

Life is so much more than race medals. I cannot run and I will probably never run again. But I am so much more than that.

And I can do so much more than that.

I just have to get there.

Baby steps.

Just like 6 years ago.

Baby steps.

I need this now the same way I needed it then. I need an outlet. I need a space to share everything. And  I need to be able to tell myself that I will be ok. I will get stronger and healthier, I will change my life again. And if I keep telling myself enough times I know I will start to believe it.

Baby steps.

xoxox,

Dacia

My Little Devil

Yesterday I shared a password protected post from which I received a lot of feedback, surprisingly. If you’d like to read it just ask and I will send you the password. Although the post was mostly me just venting about stuff that’s been on my mind I was happy to see I was not alone. A friend of mine messaged me after she read it and I wanted to share our conversation because I feel like so many can relate.

J: I feel the exact same way. I was just talking to a friend of mine. I’m so damn sick of thinking about food, making good choices, getting activity, water levels, why I’m doing certain things, blah, blah, blah. But I feel like I’ll never get to not think about it. 

Me: yeah, it's tough. You want to care but not obsess but you also don't want to be complacent but you also don't want to overdo it but you also need to relax and be normal but then this is your normal and this normal is obnoxious so you care less and then you get complacent and then you freak out because you have gotten complacent and so you obsess....and on and on and on....

Me: not to be all doomsday

J: haha no, it’s just the truth! And that’s just the thinking, then you actually have to DO things!

Me: YESSSS....doing the things. Always a battle in my mind. Couch vs gym...bed vs pavement. Never just is. It is always think think think dissect plan think more

J: I'm glad I'm not the only one. It's nice to know that.

Are you this way too? As much as I know I am healthier and feel better when I am being active and making good diet choices it is still always a battle. I mean, I am lucky and being active and eating healthy win out most days but seriously COMFORT > DISCOMFORT. It will always be harder to get out of a warm bed at 5a to go run than it is to stay and sleep, no matter how much I love to run. I will always have to talk myself into going to the gym after work because going home and sitting on the couch will always sound better, even when I know I will feel a million times better if I choose the former over the latter. Which is why I go

This is just my truth…

Pizza and beer will always sound better than salad and water

Snuggling on the couch watching TV will always sound better than the gym

Sleeping in on Saturday morning will always sound better than getting up hours before dawn to run so many miles that an ice bath is required afterwards

Comfort always sounds better…ALWAYS

I mean come on, that’s why there are yoga work pants now. Seriously, if I could wear leggings to work every day I would. I like comfort. Who doesn’t?

But that doesn’t mean I choose comfort all day, every day. I just can’t. Because I know that if I did I would end up back where I started which was a rough place to be. All that comfort brought me to a place where I was super limited by my weight and my body was taking a huge toll because of it.

I know I have to make the tough choices every day because those are what allow me to be healthy, active and, for once, happy.

Yeah, I still eat pizza, drink beer, watch TV, and sleep in. But not every day. Most days it’s salad, gym, and early mornings. And that’s ok. It’s actually the best way for me to live.

That being said, don’t take my actions to mean that I don’t constantly have to think about my decisions. Or fight that little devil on my shoulder telling me to have another beer, skip the gym or stay in bed. That little monster was conditioned on my prior laziness and he fights me every day. Some days I want him to win, some days I give in and some days I can quiet him. But he never goes away.

And because I think some (maybe most) of you can relate I just wanted to share this with you.

These pretty accurately represent my devil and angel...LOL

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxox

WW Weekly Recap: Weeks 17 & 18

I am officially late, again, with my weekly update. Last week, I was so far behind I decided to not even post one and instead combine it with this week’s update. Then I got sick ("The sickness! It’s happening!") and here I am almost through another week and no update posted. But better late than never right?

Last week I talked about giving myself daily, weekly and monthly goals to help get me through the next four weeks, in this post. Of course, come day 2 I found myself sick and so there were three days spent in bed doing nothing but coughing, sneezing and sleeping. I am starting to feel better but still a bit zombie like. Yesterday I had a deep cleaning done at the dentist which required a Valium and Novocain and I am still a bit groggy from that. And my mouth hurts. So yeah, this week has been a bit of a suckfest.

I did however, manage to start tracking again yesterday and even though I haven’t worked out this week (if it’s in the chest, you better rest- that’s the rule of thumb I follow) and  my step count has been abysmal,  I have definitely done really great with the sleep part. I am averaging a solid 10+ hours a night. And when I was home from work, at least another 6 hours during the day. Yeah, being awake is definitely the toughest part of working while sick.

Anywho, I can’t help it when things like this happen. I just have to ride it out and make the best of it. I know that when I am feeling better things will get back on track. Right now, I am just focused on my health. That comes first, always. The scale- well, it will always be there.

Soooo, back to the whole point of this post- my weekly weigh ins. I managed to see two small losses these past two weeks:

On 11/7 I weighed in at 169.0 which was a loss of 0.8 and then on 11/14 I weighed in at 168.2 for another loss of 0.8. Still hanging out below 170 but not yet back to where I was at the end of September. BUT, I really can’t complain the numbers are still trending downward and I am still quite confident I am making good choices and supporting a healthy lifestyle, when not sick, and that is really what matters most.

For next week, my goal is to get back to working on my daily/weekly/monthly goals and hopefully get some energy back. Why does it seem to take FOREVER to get over a cold? I am soooo over it! ;)

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxox 

It's the 4 Week Countdown!

I’m leaving in 4 weeks for my honeymoon. We’ll be spending 2 weeks in Cabo. It’s going to be amazeballs. When we get back we will be heading out again to spend the rest of the holiday with E’s family so we will pretty much be gone for three weeks. I can’t believe it, it is going to be the absolute best way to close out the most amazing year!

But I am nervous, though. Not gonna lie. I am worried that I am sliding into the vacation mindset already and I still have a month before it is here. I need to switch back into weight loss mode. I need to keep paying attention to my choices, I need to bring back mindfulness into my life.

So I decided I needed a challenge – something to help keep me motivated and moving these next four weeks. I really wanted to do Brooke’s Skinny Snowman Challenge but since I will be out of the country for a big chunk of it (during which I will be completely disconnected from social media) I thought it better to come up with something I can start right now. Even if it is just me participating.

However, I am still using Brooke as my inspiration for this challenge since I am going to steal use her Goal Digger chart to track my goals. You can download your own copy here of the free printable. The way Brooke set it up is you have daily, weekly, and monthly goals. This is perfect for me to help bring back that focus to weight loss during the holiday/end of semester/about to vacation madness.

My month (well, four weeks actually) will start tomorrow, Saturday, November 14^th and run through Friday, December 11^th- the day before we leave for Cabo. Perfect timing, right?

My goals for these next four weeks are:

Daily

Track every day- WW and MFP

Hit step goal – determined by Garmin, based on average movement

At least 7 hours sleep a night

Follow meal plan for the day

Weekly

Workout 5 times/week (minimum 30 minutes)

Drinkend ONLY (no beer except on the weekend- exception being Thanksgiving)

80/20 with meals (limited to 4 meals out a week)

Write weekly WW post for accountability

Monthly

Lose 5 pounds

Follow HM training plan (starts 11/23)

Attend 2 yoga and/or fitness classes

Ok, so now I am all set with my goals. I know I can bring back some focus and mindfulness if I just make the choices that will help me to achieve these goals. I think this is exactly what I need for the next four weeks- recommitting to myself; my journey and my health.

Want to join me? Let me know in the comments if you will be participating too. J

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxoxox

WW Weekly Recap: Week 16

Week 16

Yeah, I had to go back and count. I had no idea what week last week was/this week is but now I do.

I can’t believe it has almost been 4 months since I re-joined WW. Even with the post ACL/antibiotics/injury/wedding mayhem gain I am still over 10 pounds down from where I started. I am 12.2 pounds down to be exact. I will call that a win!

Oh, sorry- horse before the cart. I am at a total of 12.2 lbs down because I gained a whopping 0.4 lbs this week. LOL. Yeah, we’ll just call that ‘staying the same’. And for a week of very little activity and eating so/so I am 1000000% ok with ‘staying the same’.

I would like to get back into losing again but really, I just want to get back into my healthy habits that keep me sane. I am pretty good with meal planning/cooking/packing lunches – even during the crazy busy times. Yeah, sometimes I eat out more than I would prefer and sometimes I drink more than I should but those are not my norm. The norm is still packing breakfast and lunch M-F, eating dinner at home S-Th and then some meals out on the weekend and this week is no different. Smoothies for breakfast, apples and bananas for morning snacks, soup for lunches, edamame for afternoon snack and some awesome meals planned from JL Goes Vegan’s pressure cooker cookbook. Oh and can’t forget, dark chocolate and tea at night.

This week I am looking to get in some more activity though. I plan on getting in two runs during the week (plus I have a HM on Sunday), two days of Cize and then a long bike ride on Saturday- if the weather cooperates. I also brought one of my bikes to work with me to keep in my office. This way I can go for rides during my lunch break and even to/from meetings. Hopefully I can get into the habit of getting a few daytime rides in every week.

I also am still balancing school, work, and life also which means it can’t always be about my training schedule or my preferred meal options. I need to make sure I still have time for schoolwork, self-care and relationship care <<< that’s a thing right? I mean, it should be even if no one actually calls it that.

I decided though that I want to get back into the habit of posting weekly goals with my update. I like the added focus to my plans but also I like being able to tailor them around the weekly events in my life. Monthly goals, sometimes, are just too long to plan for. A week at a time tends to be much more my speed. So here they are, some goals for week 17:

Monday 11/2 through Sunday 11/8

100,000 steps 

Track every day

30 minutes of movement 5 days/week

Some form of self-care (reading, bubble bath, stretching/meditation) at least twice

Finish homework before the weekend

Stick to Sunday-Friday meal plan

Ok, that’s about all I have for today. I will definitely be checking in with you next week for an update and it will hopefully include a happy recounting of my half marathon J

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxox

WW Weekly Recap: Week 10

Week 10…

A loss of 4.4 pounds.

Crazy big number and not one I would normally be thrilled with (because it is too high, imho) however, we all know how weight loss goes. And when I look at the big picture, in four weeks I lost a total of five pounds. This 4.4 is basically three weeks of what would equal a normal/average loss just shown on the scale all at once.

This loss brings me to a total of 15 pounds lost since 7/13 and it puts me just one pound away from the top of my healthy weight range. Woo hoo!

I have never been one to experience huge losses on the scale- not even early on in my journey- so I have been quite comfortable with the slow and steady progression. Right now I am averaging 1.5 pounds lost a week and that is perfect in my mind. I know that, for me, losing at a faster rate would require drastic measures and that’s just not my style. Those type of extreme behaviors are not sustainable and will, ultimately, lead to a quick regain. Thankfully this whole refocus on my regimen is helping me bring back to the forefront those healthy habits that I need to keep practicing daily.

I did great with my step goal for the week! 

I’m not saying I need to be super strict and have laser focus to every little detail but I can’t keep playing loose and fast with my life. When I don’t pay attention or I stop caring it shows. It shows not just on the scale but in how I feel both mentally and physically. Not saying that I am currently a ray of sunshine every day now, but I know if I wasn’t focusing on my healthy habits now I would be a lot worse off.

With the wedding quickly approaching, just a little over 3 weeks away, I have a lot on my plate. I will try to check in on the blog during those weeks but in case I can’t I will at least try to update you with my weekly weigh in results on the FB page. Just to give you an idea of my schedule here is what I have coming up:

Final (hopefully) dress fitting – 9/26

Final (hopefully) make up appointment – 9/27

Trip to Austin – leave after work 9/30 return 10/5

Final Exam – 10/5

Final Project Due – 10/9

Ani Concert – 10/10

Cize Teacher Training – 10/11

Democratic Debate Viewing Party – 10/13

Pre-wedding stuff ALL DAY, EVERY DAY ;) 10/15 & 10/16

WEDDING – 10/17

Post-wedding celebration 10/18 & 10/19

…and then die from exhaustion

Just kidding

I hope….

With all that is going on I still have to work, finish up a grad course, help my Little Brother train for his kids marathon, train for my own half marathon and finalize a lot of wedding stuff. (Not complaining- just stating facts)

So here’s the thing. I am still meal planning, planning out my workouts and setting goals for myself I just know that in the next few weeks I will have to be much more flexible. I am finishing up Cize week two and half marathon week 4 this week but I have had to make some concessions in the name of school work- it trumps training plans. I also know how difficult it will be to stick to either routine while traveling next week so I will just do the best I can.

When I am home I vow to cook/meal prep and schedule time for activity. When I am traveling I vow to squeeze in activity in some form and make the best choices available to me. When it is wedding time I vow to just get out of my head and enjoy the time with family, friends and of course MY HUSBAND.

So there you have it – my super late week 10 recap. I started this post on Monday….it took me four days to finish it. Yep, that’s just life these days.

I will try to report back when I can. Follow me on IG or Facebook for wedding and ACL pics.

Until the next time…

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxoxox

Balance

Balance…I talk about that concept frequently. I guess if I had a theme word (is that a thing?) it would have to be balance. I kind of feel like my whole journey, the essence of my life, is to find, and maintain, balance.

Funny that a quick Google search for 'balance' brought up this image of tree pose. This was the pose I posted on IG this morning for my PAD Challenge today. This is my favorite pose and it is at the heart of this entire blog. So fitting for today's post. See my photo here  (Photo shown from tinybuddha.com)

Balance not just between all the must-do’s and the want-to-do’s and the should-do’s but balance in everything. Balance between the mental and physical, between motion and rest, between childlike optimism and adult like pessimism (realism).

For me, it is all about balance.

Some days it’s a struggle. Some days there are far more must-do’s and should-do’s and not enough time left for the want-to-do’s. Meaning, some days adulting gets in the way of all the fun stuff. I think that is true for most everyone with a job/mortgage/kids/car payments (you get my point) and my point is not to say that I am any different than you or that my struggle is any different- it is not. At the core we all have responsibilities and we are all making sacrifices. It’s just the way it is.

I write this post more to talk about what I do to find the balance. That sounds funny right? Having to work to create balance? That seems like something that should come naturally, and maybe for some it does, but for me I have to work at it.

At the base of my normal day-to-day life, and even more so now when I am also wedding planning, there is a good amount of routine that helps keep things going. This routine stems from years of working on good habits. My routine is based around meal planning, preparing meals at home during the week and packing my breakfasts and lunches, scheduling time for activity, scheduling time for homework, and then penciling in the other weekly necessities such as grocery shopping/chores, time with E, Gordie and now M and any special events happening that week. I try to map out as much of my week as possible. For example, if I know that one night I will be out at an event during the week (Bernie Sanders volunteer meeting, tap takeover at the bar, etc) what will be my plan for dinner? When will I workout that day? What time do I need to be home? What time do I need to wake up the next morning?

Sounds like a lot right? It kind of is. Well, at least I should say that a lot of thought goes into how I plan my day. Ultimately by taking time to think about these things I feel better prepared and less stressed – which keeps me feeling balanced and in control.

That being said, I don’t plan every moment of my life out. That would be too rigid and too stressful. I always have chunks of time, even full days on the weekends, where I am open for anything- including doing nothing. Now most of the time E and I choose to spend our free time either out at the beach or downtown on our bikes but there are times where we just stay in and watch movies or Netflix- just vegging out. Both are really great options- even if the latter takes some convincing on my end. Does anyone else ever feel guilty for spending the day doing nothing? That happens to me a lot lately (just because I have so much going on with the wedding) but I do remind myself that downtime is not only a good thing, it’s a necessity.

I think in life it is all about understanding the long-term as well as the short-term when it comes to balance.

Eating a whole small pizza sounds good in theory and there are definitely times when that is exactly what I want to do. But the reality is that is an ‘in the moment’ feeling. I know that the better option is a few slices of pizza and a salad because I will feel better physically later and I also know it is a choice that supports my long term goals. This choice leaves me feeling better in the now and in the future. 

Hitting snooze ALWAYS sounds like a better option at 5am than getting up and working out (even though I love my morning workouts) because honestly what is better than a nice warm bed? Especially when it is super dark outside and no one is drill-sergeant style forcing me out of bed. But I know most every day, getting up and exercising will make me feel energized and ready to take on the day. There is nothing better to me than the feeling of accomplishing a goal before the sun even comes up. This choice leaves me feeling better in the now and in the future. 

On the flip side, it is also important for me to know when to take rest days (the body needs to heal and recover) and when to take time for self-care. When the to-do list is out of control I still need to make time for a hot bubble bath or some time with a good book. Being ‘ON’ all the time does nothing for my mood, my stress levels, and for the most part- doesn’t help make anything better. Trust me, I am seeing this a lot now as I am getting grumpier every day and the littlest of things have been setting me off. This is my signal to RETREAT! This is the time I really need to focus more on letting go, unwinding, and turning off that damn monkey mind. That choice will leave me feeling better in the now and in the future. 

Trust me- I’m working on this one. I know it is my biggest struggle right now so I am intentionally scheduling in self-care and relaxation each week now.  I have a whole day planned for Sunday that involves a ton of relaxing activities to help me get back in balance.

Sorry this post was such a brain dump. As you can see, I have had a lot on my mind lately. Writing is cathartic (when I make time for it) and helps me better focus as well as better relax. Weird how that works, right?

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxox

WW Weekly Recap: Week 9

Week 9 has come and gone and although it wasn’t what I had hoped it to be, weight loss wise, I am not letting my weight gain and missed goals stop me from trying again this week.

So how did last week go? Well, it started off strong but then got a bit crazy by the end. My goals for last week were to:

Complete week two of half marathon training – yes! Although I had to move the long run to Sunday I did not miss a single run this week

Train with M for the kids marathon- yup! We logged another two miles last week

Go to the gym twice with Anna- yeppers! Day 1 I did my warm up on the treadmill followed by a 5K on the rowing machine (in just under 25 minutes) and day 2 was 5 miles on the treadmill (as part of HM training)

Track everyday- Yesiree! Even when it got a bit out of hand and hard to remember (cough, cough – beer fest)

90K steps or more- Nope!  I fell just over 5K short on this goal. I would have crushed it if I had kept my long run on Saturday. NBD, it happens. This week’s step count will be super high J

Try to limit how much I drink at the beer fest- Kind of…I probably could have been better, I definitely could have been worse. Actually, the drinking wasn’t really the bad part- the snacking and 10p dinner out was what got me and the scale showed it.

Ignore my weird sausage toes...LOL!

You see, I debated on whether or not to weigh in Friday morning instead of Saturday since I knew I would be out drinking and eating late Friday night. Friday morning I weighed in at 170.0 (a gain of 0.4) but I opted to not record it. Instead I weighed in Saturday morning at 171.4- a gain of 1.8 for the week. Eh, it happens. And it was kind of expected. It had been 6 weeks since my last gain, it was only a matter of time.

Emerald Coast Beer Fest- always a great time! 

The important part- I just keep focusing on healthy habits and actions, even when life is tough. It’s no secret that I have been feeling a lot of stress lately. For me, now is the time I really need to be more conscious about the decisions I am making. Even though eating half a bag of tortilla chips and a tub of salsa seemed like a good idea in the moment (this happened Saturday) it only made me feel worse, physically and mentally. Sunday was spent recuperating from treating my body like shit but making sure I got in my long run, taking care of a ton of wedding stuff, meal planning and prepping, and a little relaxation on the beach (which was actually part of wedding stuff) helped to get my mind right.

View along my long run- the church where E and I will be married... <3

Vegan brunch at End of the Line- my favorite!

Salt Life

Gordie is my co-pilot...

This week there are some changes ahead which you will see in my goals…

Complete Cize Week 1 (yup, I am back at it. I loved it so much I just needed to bring it back into the routine)

Love me some Cize!!!

Complete Week 3 HM Training

Track Everyday

Log 100,000 steps

Catch Up on Schoolwork – I am falling behind (which is so unlike me) and that is adding to the stress

Try a New Recipe

Complete Photo-A-Day Challenge the 15^th-19^th

Feel free to join in and use the hashtag if you post on social media :)

Until next week….

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxoxox

WW Weekly Weigh-In: Week 8 Recap

Week 8 back at WW is in the books and I have to say that last week definitely threw a few curve balls at me. I am in this frazzled mindset most days with wedding thoughts churning through my head almost non-stop. I have heard my friends talk about pregnancy brain (when they were pregnant obv) but I think there must also be bride brain. I mean, I know there is. I have it. My mind has turned into a sieve. I have to keep a notebook by me at all times because I know that when I thought pops into my head it won’t stay there for long. And the chances of me recalling said thought at a later time are minimal to non-existent. So I write them down.

Or text them.

Or email.

Or add them to a google doc.

Or whatever I need to do to track these fleeting thoughts.

It’s fun…

Thankfully I know this is all temporary and I am very, very hopeful that post-wedding life will go back to the normal stress level of balancing everything instead of this crazy stress level that wipes me out and fries my brain daily. I am ready for that to go.

Last week I set some goals and I did so/so with reaching them

Bike Rides with E (Sunday and Saturday)- Yep!

I wore this dress on our Saturday slow ride- it's from my first Stitch Fix and I love it so much! (don't mind the just out of the shower crazy hair) 

Train with M for Pensacola kids marathon- Yep!

Complete first week of HM training- I went 3 for 4 for my training. I missed Wednesday’s 4 miler when I opted to sleep in instead and move it to Thursday after work. Then on Thursday I stayed over an hour and a half later than my normal time so I canceled the run a second time. I thought about trying to make it up on Sunday but took a rest day instead. It happens. Lesson learned.

Gym with Anna twice- Yep!

Track every day (the good, bad, and the ugly)- YESSS!

Prep for yard sale weekend- Nope, not at all. Not only is everything still in boxes in the garage we had to postpone the garage sale (which we may end up canceling altogether) indefinitely since this is a bigger undertaking than we have the time for right now.

Get some stuff off the wedding to-do list- Yep! We spent a good bit of time this weekend doing wedding stuff. I actually had Erick cancel the massage he had planned for me in order to do wedding stuff instead. It sucks but that’s how life is right now.

Drink only Saturday and Tuesday- Kind of. I drank Saturday and Tuesday and then again on Saturday. Technically it’s a yes if you look at the literal sense of the goal but I did not plan to drink this past Saturday (the 5^th) and then ended up having three beers. It happens. I blame wedding stress.

90K steps or more- I would like to say yes but my vivofit kicked the bucket last Tuesday so I was without a means of tracking my step count for four days. I bought a replacement ( the vivofit 2.0) and am back at tracking my steps again J

So what did this crazy week look like on the scale…

Meh, a loss on 0.2 is really the same as maintaining which is ok. It's good actually. I was kind of surprised. Honestly, I wouldn’t have been shocked to see a gain so I guess I will take the loss and move on. The first three days of this week have been all over the place so honestly I am not too hopeful that I will maintain or lose this week. We’ll see.

Also didn’t set any goals last Friday (which is probably why the weekend was so out of control) so I will reuse some of what I had for last week.

For week 9 I plan to:

Complete week two of HM training

Train with M for the Pensacola Kids Marathon

Go to the gym twice with Anna

Track every day

90K steps or more

Try (TRY, TRY, TRY) to limit how much I drink at the Emerald Coast Beer Festival on Friday – this may be the last time I drink until the wedding. I need a respite.

Until next week….

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxoxox

WW Weekly Weigh-In: Week 7 Recap

So here is a quick (for this blog at least) recap of week 7. I am really going to try and keep up at least these weekly posts, if not more, between now and the wedding but I make no guarantees.

Last week my plan was:

Track every day

Finish Cize week 4

Log 85K (or more) steps

Train with M for the kids marathon

Sunday evening – Saturday morning no eating out (except birthday cupcake)

No drinking until after dress fitting

I am happy to report I met each and every goal set. I tracked every day, finished up Cize (which was so super fun) and racked up 90 APs for the week, logged over 90K steps, trained with M, did not eat out during the week (except for the birthday cupcake), and did not drink until after the dress fitting.

Cize 4 week before and after side by side photos 

Step count for the week :)

And you know my goal was to be at or below 172 for the dress fitting and I am happy to report I was.  Week 7 saw a 2.2 pound loss and brought me back into the 160’s when I weighed in at 169.8 Saturday morning. I was a couple pounds below my goal weight (the weight I was at when I purchased my wedding dress) and man was I thankful. The dress fit perfectly. Aside from the hem for the length and the bustle I didn’t need any alterations. That made me quite happy to not feel like a stuffed sausage in my dress. I cannot wait for the big day just 6.5 weeks away!!!

Wedding dress sneak peek...LOL ;)

Of course, you probably guessed that the minute that dress fitting was over I hit Chipotle, then World of Beers Destin, and then later World of Beers Pensacola, then had dinner out at our favorite vegan spot, then had lunch out the next day plus leftovers from dinner the day before for dinner on Sunday. So yeah – I ate out 3 times in one weekend, 4 if you count having leftovers for a second dinner. It happens.

So far this week I have been trying to recover from an indulgent weekend. I did end up grabbing dinner out last night at Panera and a flight and a snifter of beer from WoB for their release of Funky Buddha which is finally being sold in North Florida- but both were planned. This beer loving girl could not resist being there for release night. We went to the brewery in December and I loved it. It is a family favorite for E since his sister and BIL live/work right near there. If you can get your hands on it I highly recommend their coconut porter- Last Snow. Probably my favorite porter. I think they just bumped Mystery Romp from Crooked Letter. It’s that good. Hoping I can snag some bottles of it for the wedding so if you are coming in October remind me to share some with you J

OK, so even though it is late and the week is half over I do want to share with you my goals for week 8. I made this plan up last Friday so I am putting thought into each week, even if it might not seem like it.

Week 8 Goals

Bike Rides with E (Sunday and Saturday)

Train with M for Pensacola kids marathon

Complete first week of HM training

Gym with Anna twice

Track every day (the good, bad, and the ugly)

Prep for yard sale weekend

Get some stuff off the wedding to-do list

Drink only Saturday and Tuesday

90K steps or more

I am on a 34 day tracking streak. I actually tracked every single day in August and I am super proud of myself for that. It’s been awhile since I have been so diligent with my tracking…which probably says something right there, huh? Not saying that mindful eating doesn’t work. It does, as long as I am actually being mindful and honest with myself about what and why I am eating. Until I get back to that place I will rely on tracking to keep me in check. Plus, I am a numbers person (it is actually my FT job) so I love the data I am compiling daily with tracking. And for those curious I am using both WW and MFP to track- the more data the better right now J

Ok, that’s about it. Until next week….

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxoxoxox