Friday, February 26, 2016


So….we are just a few days away from March and I realized that this is only my second post for the YEAR! Can you believe it? I am sucking at this whole blogging regularly thing lately.

I have been blogging for 5 years now and what started as a nearly daily occurrence has dwindled to a once a month thing, sometimes even less frequently. That’s just life I guess. When I first started out (FIVE YEARS AGO- seriously cannot believe that!) I had a lot more focus and my writing had purpose- to keep me accountable. Now, I am much more set in my ways. My lifestyle is just that, it is ingrained into me. Yeah, some days (weeks) are better than others but even at my worst I am far better off than I was five years ago. My friends call it ‘health conscious’ and I love that term. Even my ‘junk food’ or ‘off days’ look nothing like the crap I used to put in my body on the regular before I knew better.

I can say without a doubt that blogging has changed my life for the better. Because of it I found my support group, the world’s best cheerleaders, and some of the most amazing friends. My community, both online and in real life, is amazing. It has allowed me to open up and connect with others that share my interests and struggles that I otherwise would have never met. That right there is priceless.

I lost weight, yes, but it was so much more than that. I gained my health back. I added years to my life. I ADDED LIFE TO MY YEARS! I stopped being so fucking afraid of everything. I stopped hating myself. I stopped feeling ashamed and embarrassed of how I looked or how I thought others perceived me. I found acceptance, self-love and I did so without having to lose weight first. I fell in love with me at one of my heaviest weights and was able to continue that through my lowest weight and every weight in between.

The adventures….oh there have been so many! Fitbloggin’, weekend trips, hiking with friends, slow rides, running races (still can’t get over this) including and most special to my heart – the Ragnar Relay in Cape Cod. Heck- I was even in a magazine!!! (And a book). Me. The girl that wasn’t sure she could do much of anything has ended up doing more than she could have imagined.

When I started writing five years ago I doubt this is what I had pictured for my future self. I am not even sure I believed that was capable of changing my life but I knew I had to try. My life literally depended on it.  And I knew that I needed to ask for help, I wouldn’t be able to do it on my own. And that is what I did. I asked you to help me, to support me, to listen, to lend me advice and input and you did. And for that I am eternally grateful.

It has been five years.

Five amazingly wonderful, empowering, heartbreaking, humbling, fan-fucking-tastic years. It’s been everything I had hoped for and more. I feel like I have learned more about myself and about life over these past five years than I had in the 33 previous. There is so much growth that happens through openness. I can only hope that these next five years bring me as much love and happiness as the last.

Again, thank you for your love and support and for coming here and reading. It means more than you will ever know.

Love and hugs,


Friday, January 29, 2016

The Friday Five

Happy New Year! 

I've missed you!

How have you been? I hope you are all happy and well! :)

I think this is my first post of 2016 which is kind of crazy since February is just a few days away.

Let me catch you up...

#1. Life is chaotic….more so than the usual chaos. Or maybe not, maybe it’s just January. I feel like I have been behind the 8 ball all month. School is crazy this semester- my schedule is so arduous that on a weekend trip home I had to write a paper from the backseat of my parents car as we drove north to my grandparents and then go to McDonald’s to ‘borrow’ some wifi to submit it. It’s been like that all month. Work, school, life…all of it. Busy, busy, busy. I am soooooo thankful I am finally taking a semester off this summer. It will be the first since I started working on my doctorate in 2013 and it will probably be my last break before I finish it in [hopefully] 2018 or 2019. Damn, that sounds sooooo far away.

#2. We are adopting!!!! Ok, that probably sounds misleading….we are adopting a dog! We have been going through the process of adopting a dog from a rescue organization and we were approved earlier this week. Next weekend we get to bring her home. She is a puppy mill rescue so the only name she has ever known is the one that was given by the rescue- Honey. We are going to change it to Bailey hopefully. Bailey- not after the Irish cream but instead after George Bailey from It’s a Wonderful Life. I also thought maybe to name her Zuzu (after Zuzu Bailey) but we liked Bailey better. I am super excited to add to our family, stay tuned for pictures J

#3. One of the goals E and I had for 2016 was to start to get the house in order. We had a ton of things we had bought or had been gifted to us that needed a home or to be hung or even just put away. Last week we started in our main living area and hung up a bunch of things on the walls, like our wedding guest book. I would say it’s bad we waited three months to put that up but I had a gift I got from E Christmas of 2014 (yes, 2014!) that was hidden away because we just kept forgetting to buy some wire to hang it. We are the worst at that stuff. But we are trying harder to get the house together and make it more us and less single E- he bought it 13 years ago so it definitely felt like his place. This weekend we are painting our bedroom and assembling all of the new furniture we bought to go in it. Our bedroom is getting a complete overhaul and I am thrilled about this. It will definitely feel more like home after we have all of these updates finished….and we bring Bailey home to join us.

Don't worry, Bailey will get her own shrine too ;)

#4. I realized the other night what the best job in the world would be- being the person who gets to name paint colors! Have you looked at paint samples lately? Those paints have the coolest names. We wanted to paint our room a pale green, paler than mint, and we narrowed it down to two colors to test out- tranquility and lazy days. I don’t know about you but both of those colors really describe a bedroom to me. We ended up picking ‘Lazy Days’. Painting begins tonight. Wish us luck. Here’s hoping for many lazy mornings in bed together J

#5. LuLaRoe – does this mean anything to you? If you know of it, you probably are addicted like me. Maybe not as bad but still, it’s super awesome and I don’t know a woman yet that hasn’t fallen in love. If you don’t know, well maybe that’s a good thing ;) LLR makes clothes for women (and kids too) and the materials they use are super soft, comfy and somehow look good on every shape and size. They range from XXS to 3XL which is awesome. And of course- LEGGINGS! Need I say more? Anywho, they are an online operation, direct sales only. That kind of drives me crazy- that aspect of their business model. Finding consultants, clicking through photos, racing to be the first to claim an item. Some groups have thousands of people in them and although those consultants tend to have the largest selection of inventory, it is pretty much madness trying to buy things. BUT, I do love their clothes and if you follow me on social media then by now you probably already know that. I ‘roe’ almost every day. I even bought a pair of leggings for my niece for Valentine’s Day. Not sure why I decided to share that…maybe just so I can post some fun pics of me and my crazy pants J Side note: I randomly found a LLR consultant named Dacia- I feel like she and I should be best friends.

Just thought I would throw in a picture (of a picture) from our amazing honeymoon!

Do you roe? What would be your dream job?

Love and hugs,

Thursday, December 3, 2015

My Little Devil

Yesterday I shared a password protected post from which I received a lot of feedback, surprisingly. If you’d like to read it just ask and I will send you the password. Although the post was mostly me just venting about stuff that’s been on my mind I was happy to see I was not alone. A friend of mine messaged me after she read it and I wanted to share our conversation because I feel like so many can relate.

J: I feel the exact same way. I was just talking to a friend of mine. I’m so damn sick of thinking about food, making good choices, getting activity, water levels, why I’m doing certain things, blah, blah, blah. But I feel like I’ll never get to not think about it. 

Me: yeah, it's tough. You want to care but not obsess but you also don't want to be complacent but you also don't want to overdo it but you also need to relax and be normal but then this is your normal and this normal is obnoxious so you care less and then you get complacent and then you freak out because you have gotten complacent and so you obsess....and on and on and on....

Me: not to be all doomsday

J: haha no, it’s just the truth! And that’s just the thinking, then you actually have to DO things!

Me: YESSSS....doing the things. Always a battle in my mind. Couch vs gym...bed vs pavement. Never just is. It is always think think think dissect plan think more

J: I'm glad I'm not the only one. It's nice to know that.

Are you this way too? As much as I know I am healthier and feel better when I am being active and making good diet choices it is still always a battle. I mean, I am lucky and being active and eating healthy win out most days but seriously COMFORT > DISCOMFORT. It will always be harder to get out of a warm bed at 5a to go run than it is to stay and sleep, no matter how much I love to run. I will always have to talk myself into going to the gym after work because going home and sitting on the couch will always sound better, even when I know I will feel a million times better if I choose the former over the latter. Which is why I go

This is just my truth…

Pizza and beer will always sound better than salad and water

Snuggling on the couch watching TV will always sound better than the gym

Sleeping in on Saturday morning will always sound better than getting up hours before dawn to run so many miles that an ice bath is required afterwards

Comfort always sounds better…ALWAYS

I mean come on, that’s why there are yoga work pants now. Seriously, if I could wear leggings to work every day I would. I like comfort. Who doesn’t?

But that doesn’t mean I choose comfort all day, every day. I just can’t. Because I know that if I did I would end up back where I started which was a rough place to be. All that comfort brought me to a place where I was super limited by my weight and my body was taking a huge toll because of it.

I know I have to make the tough choices every day because those are what allow me to be healthy, active and, for once, happy.

Yeah, I still eat pizza, drink beer, watch TV, and sleep in. But not every day. Most days it’s salad, gym, and early mornings. And that’s ok. It’s actually the best way for me to live.

That being said, don’t take my actions to mean that I don’t constantly have to think about my decisions. Or fight that little devil on my shoulder telling me to have another beer, skip the gym or stay in bed. That little monster was conditioned on my prior laziness and he fights me every day. Some days I want him to win, some days I give in and some days I can quiet him. But he never goes away.

And because I think some (maybe most) of you can relate I just wanted to share this with you.

These pretty accurately represent my devil and angel...LOL

Love and hugs,



Thursday, November 19, 2015

WW Weekly Recap: Weeks 17 & 18

I am officially late, again, with my weekly update. Last week, I was so far behind I decided to not even post one and instead combine it with this week’s update. Then I got sick ("The sickness! It’s happening!") and here I am almost through another week and no update posted. But better late than never right?

Last week I talked about giving myself daily, weekly and monthly goals to help get me through the next four weeks, in this post. Of course, come day 2 I found myself sick and so there were three days spent in bed doing nothing but coughing, sneezing and sleeping. I am starting to feel better but still a bit zombie like. Yesterday I had a deep cleaning done at the dentist which required a Valium and Novocain and I am still a bit groggy from that. And my mouth hurts. So yeah, this week has been a bit of a suckfest.

I did however, manage to start tracking again yesterday and even though I haven’t worked out this week (if it’s in the chest, you better rest- that’s the rule of thumb I follow) and  my step count has been abysmal,  I have definitely done really great with the sleep part. I am averaging a solid 10+ hours a night. And when I was home from work, at least another 6 hours during the day. Yeah, being awake is definitely the toughest part of working while sick.

Anywho, I can’t help it when things like this happen. I just have to ride it out and make the best of it. I know that when I am feeling better things will get back on track. Right now, I am just focused on my health. That comes first, always. The scale- well, it will always be there.

Soooo, back to the whole point of this post- my weekly weigh ins. I managed to see two small losses these past two weeks:

On 11/7 I weighed in at 169.0 which was a loss of 0.8 and then on 11/14 I weighed in at 168.2 for another loss of 0.8. Still hanging out below 170 but not yet back to where I was at the end of September. BUT, I really can’t complain the numbers are still trending downward and I am still quite confident I am making good choices and supporting a healthy lifestyle, when not sick, and that is really what matters most.

For next week, my goal is to get back to working on my daily/weekly/monthly goals and hopefully get some energy back. Why does it seem to take FOREVER to get over a cold? I am soooo over it! ;)

Love and hugs,



Friday, November 13, 2015

It's the 4 Week Countdown!

I’m leaving in 4 weeks for my honeymoon. We’ll be spending 2 weeks in Cabo. It’s going to be amazeballs. When we get back we will be heading out again to spend the rest of the holiday with E’s family so we will pretty much be gone for three weeks. I can’t believe it, it is going to be the absolute best way to close out the most amazing year!

But I am nervous, though. Not gonna lie. I am worried that I am sliding into the vacation mindset already and I still have a month before it is here. I need to switch back into weight loss mode. I need to keep paying attention to my choices, I need to bring back mindfulness into my life.

So I decided I needed a challenge – something to help keep me motivated and moving these next four weeks. I really wanted to do Brooke’s Skinny Snowman Challenge but since I will be out of the country for a big chunk of it (during which I will be completely disconnected from social media) I thought it better to come up with something I can start right now. Even if it is just me participating.

However, I am still using Brooke as my inspiration for this challenge since I am going to steal use her Goal Digger chart to track my goals. You can download your own copy here of the free printable. The way Brooke set it up is you have daily, weekly, and monthly goals. This is perfect for me to help bring back that focus to weight loss during the holiday/end of semester/about to vacation madness.

My month (well, four weeks actually) will start tomorrow, Saturday, November 14th and run through Friday, December 11th- the day before we leave for Cabo. Perfect timing, right?

My goals for these next four weeks are:

Track every day- WW and MFP
Hit step goal – determined by Garmin, based on average movement
At least 7 hours sleep a night
Follow meal plan for the day

Workout 5 times/week (minimum 30 minutes)
Drinkend ONLY (no beer except on the weekend- exception being Thanksgiving)
80/20 with meals (limited to 4 meals out a week)
Write weekly WW post for accountability

Lose 5 pounds
Follow HM training plan (starts 11/23)
Attend 2 yoga and/or fitness classes

Ok, so now I am all set with my goals. I know I can bring back some focus and mindfulness if I just make the choices that will help me to achieve these goals. I think this is exactly what I need for the next four weeks- recommitting to myself; my journey and my health.

Want to join me? Let me know in the comments if you will be participating too. J

Love and hugs,



Friday, November 6, 2015

Serendipity...Sort Of

I’ve been getting hit in the face lately with a lot of truth bombs. It’s that whole serendipity thing, but not in a fortuitous way. The universe is speaking to me and it is telling me I’m not fooling anyone.

The other night I read (in the most random crime short story from the 90’s) a passage where the author, talking about drug addiction, wrote:

"Sometimes a man quits trusting his strengths and starts trusting his weaknesses. His weaknesses are more apt to be dependable"

Yeah, that blew my mind.

Then I was reading this post from Andie Mitchell over at CanYou Stay for Dinner and she was talking about goals and making big changes that are impactful and when I got to this part:

"Sometimes when we feel stuck, any movement feels good. And while it’s true that doing something is better than nothing, we can trick ourselves into thinking we’re making progress when we aren’t doing anything meaningful. When we’re just doing the minimum and checking the small projects off of our To Do lists every day, at a certain point we have to stop and ask ourselves, Am I growing? Am I moving toward my goals…or am I just getting by?"

I was floored.



And it felt like a roundhouse kick to the head.

I always am talking about small changes, something being better than nothing. Heck, I love the whole idea of #wycwyc (what you can, when you can) because it works into my self-proclaimed crazy, busy life. But is it helping me?

I mean it has to be. Something is always better than nothing, right? 


Am I growing?

Am I progressing?

Am I moving towards my goals?  

Jeez, some days I don’t know.

I know that on any given day I can look over the choices I have made and find those that could have been better and those that could have been worse. I mean, hell I preach constantly about balance and 80/20 and never engaging in extreme behaviors. But it’s a fine line, right, between balance and complacency? And I have to stop for a minute and ask myself - am I coasting?

Am I trying to fool myself into believing I am doing enough?

Or worse yet…

Am I starting to trust my weaknesses more so than my strengths?

That’s so easy to do.

So how do I know? I mean seriously though, how can I honestly know I am taking meaningful actions in my life that are helping me reach my goals? 

Am I just following the path of least resistance?

Maybe it shouldn’t be this easy

Or should it?

I wish I knew. 

Love and hugs,