SOC: Fitbloggin' Edition

I feel like it is time for me to do a recap (of sorts) of my second Fitbloggin conference but I am not sure really what to say or how to start so I guess this will be more of a stream of consciousness style post than an actual recap.

First off though, I need to just say this (because this post may end up sounding sad or whiny or something not super upbeat and positive) that I truly did have an amazing time. No matter what I write, please know that I do not regret attending Fitbloggin, I did have a great time at the conference – the sessions and the time I spent with friends and I would do it all again. And I plan on it, next year in Denver.

However, that being said, this years’ experience was soooo different for me that I had to take a few days to really think about why. Now I know that each year my experience will vary and I didn’t come into this thinking that this year would be exactly like last. However, the big things I took away from last year- mainly the interactions that lead to some deep introspection- were missing. And because of that, my experience just wasn’t the same.

Which sucks.

Especially when you look forward all year for the chance to be around so many amazing people that help you progress in life.

Maybe my personal expectations were too high.

Maybe I just wasn’t in the right place to allow for the same type of experience.

Maybe I just did Fitbloggin’ wrong this year.

I don’t know. It could be all of those things. I have been thinking on this for days; a bit sad for missing out on an experience I was really wishing to have.

Again, I must reiterate, I did have a great time at Fitbloggin’. I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to meet so many amazing people, try so many new things, participate in some great workouts, and of course eat all of the yummy Savannah food.  It really was awesome.

But something was missing. There was a void and I could feel it.

Don’t get me wrong. I had fun. Oh so much fun! I went on a ghost tour, went kayaking, went to a drag show, took one of those old time photos, hung out with so many wonderful people, had amazing meals and enjoyed the beautiful Savannah parks. I collected no less than a million hugs and took almost as many selfies. I even met Jeff Galloway and got to spend a few minutes talking to him about running and my recovery. It was AWESOME!

But even with all of that amazingness I still felt a bit lost. I felt a bit disconnected. I felt a bit alone.

Even in a room full of people. Even when surrounded by laughter and smiles and welcoming, friendly faces I still (at times) felt out of place.

Fitbloggin’ will always be my tribe. Mah people. That will never change.

The people attending this conference have done so many amazing things. They are my inspiration, my role models, my peers, my community and most importantly my friends. I am beyond fortunate to be a part of this amazing collective. To me, fitbloggin’ feels like going home. It’s safe and secure and happy and loving and fun and all of the good words.

I don’t know. I feel like no matter what I write I am going to paint an inaccurate picture of this experience. I will sound ungrateful. I will seem cold or snobby.

But I am just being honest here. I just want to take a beat to write about what last weekend was really like for me. I wanted to reflect.

I wanted to take all of the magnificent chaos that is Fitbloggin, digest all of my experiences, and find what it really meant to me this year.

Last year was all about connection, acceptance, and coming to peace with knowing that I had lost ownership of my life and finding the courage to take it back. Last year was a big year for me. Monumentally big. It was probably unrealistic to expect anything to come close to that again.

What I walked away with last year allowed me to make some major life overhauls.

And it brought me to fitbloggin’ this year a different person.

And maybe fitbloggin’ 14 wasn’t the game changer that 2013 was…

But I like to think that’s because my life now needs no changing, no big overhauls. That 2014 Dacia is pretty freaking happy and in the best place mentally she has ever been. And because of that, fitbloggin’ 14 was about fun and new experiences and just living life and making the most of it all. And you know what, that’s pretty awesome too.

So I guess what I am trying to say that Fitbloggin' this year was different. And I think at first that difference resonated as disappointment. But when I look back I really must say that the difference is really a good thing.  And I should not look back on this year’s conference as what could have been but only look back as to what it was- a loving, welcoming, amazing experience that has made me a better person because I lived it. And this is exactly why I love to write these stream of consciousness posts, by the time I ‘talk’ it all out I usually end up finding my ah-ha moment.

And that my friends is a really great thing J

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxoxox

One Year Ago...

Today I saw a post from last year when I found out my mom had breast cancer and a resulting double mastectomy and I was immediately hit with a flood of emotions. Not because my mom is currently sick, she isn’t- she is (praise all the baby goats!) cancer free. And that is so awesome. But  I remembered that moment- the fear, the sadness, the uncertainty I felt when I heard that news. I was so scared. My mom is my best friend. We have always been super close and to think of her in pain or hurting was soul crushing. I am crying as I type this. To say that was a tumultuous few months would be an understatement.

And of course, as I reflected back on last summer and my mom’s surgery I thought about how I had a really rough stretch of like 6-8 months last year. Paul and I were in a pretty bad place early on in the year, then my mom’s cancer scare, then the separation and divorce and the whirlwind that ensued because of it. Some days I wonder how I survived it all. And somehow I didn’t just survive it; somehow I came out the other end in a much better, happier, safer place.

I am lucky.

Or maybe I’m not.

Maybe I am here, having persevered through the rough stuff, not because of luck but because of resolve.  As the world was crumbling down around me I never let the temporary bad stuff take me down. Yeah, there were tough times. There were a ton of tears. And of course moments of doubt. But by and by I relied on my optimism, my friends and family, and my beliefs to see me through.

So, where am I going with this?  Eh, I’m not really sure.  I just wanted to share with you this story.  A little glimpse inside where I was then and where I am now to show you how quickly and how dramatically things can change- both in a positive and a negative way.

I think it is so hard to see ‘the end’ or ‘the results’ or ‘the happy ending’ when we are bogged down in shit. Especially during those times when we have no escape from the day to day circumstances that are weighing heavily on our minds and instead force us to rely heavily on hope or faith that it will all be ok.

So I just wanted to say this- everything will be ok.

Maybe not today, maybe not next week but trust me- it will be.

Life isn’t always good. But know this; if you woke up this morning able to breathe and live your life freely then guess what? It’s not as bad as it might seem.

So today, a year after some of the most shocking and saddening news I have ever received, I am fortunate enough to be here telling this story. This sad story with a happy ending.

My takeaway from all this- it’s just temporary. Even the shitty parts that make you feel hopeless. They will pass. You are strong. You will be happy. Maybe even happier than you’ve ever been. Just don’t give up hope. Even when you can’t see the finish line have faith in knowing it is there.

And always know that you are loved.

Love and hugs-

Dacia

xoxoxoxox

I'm Going to Fitbloggin'

Oh sweet baby goats! Fitbloggin’ is just around the corner and man, am I excited.

Last year I attended my first Fitbloggin’ conference (my first blogging conference period) and it was life changing. I know, you may be thinking that I am over exaggerating but I am not. That weekend, those people, what I learned (about myself and others and life) really shifted my perspective.

I mean look here- at my first post after the conference. I wrote that on the plane ride home and it perfectly captured how I felt (and still feel) afterwards.

It was amazing.

And in a week I get to do it all again.

And I know it will be awesome. Even though it truly sucks that some of my favorite people won’t be attending this year’s conference I am super excited to see both old friends and new and meet some more fantabulous people face to face for the first time.

It’s going to be ahhhhhhhh-mazing! Legendary, even.

Now last year, I was super excited about attending my first fitbloggin because I knew it would be such an incredible experience but also because it was held in Portland. In case you didn’t know, Portland is pretty much filled with all things vegan and home to like a billion amazing craft breweries. I was in heaven. I ate all the food and drank all the beer.  Which of course made my experience even more memorable ;)

This year, Fitbloggin is in Savannah, GA. I’ve been there once (twice if you count a quick two day stop) but living in the south I know what to expect.  And I don’t mean that in a bad way. I just know that life in Savannah is different than life in Portland.  There won’t be amazing vegan treats at every other storefront and too many breweries to visit in one trip.  (Yeah, Portland was awesome) BUT, there will be ghost tours, and amazing historic neighborhoods, and of course there will still be awesome foods (all the non-vegans will be in heaven) and there will be craft beers. Trust me, I am already planning out all the restaurants and breweries and bars I want to visit.

AND more importantly than all the eating and drinking (yes, I did just type that) there will be amazing group sessions and workouts and a million laughs (and knowing me, some tears) and so many of the best hugs you could ever receive. And it will be awesome.

I cannot wait to see my roomies, my friends, Roni (who is just amazing to watch in action) and create so many amazing memories.

And on that note- it appears that we will be ghost touring in style in a double decker hearse. BOOM! That’s just how we roll!

Man, where is my fast forward button? Can it just be June 25^th already????

Some of my favorite pics from last year...

My favourite Brit, Sarah

I'm going to miss Dani soooo much. Thankful we got to see each other in February! 

Even if I explained it, it wouldn't make sense...

I am coming for more hugs, Steve!

Fitbloggin' won't be the same without Erika!

 

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxoxox

FMM: Sports Talk

If you’ve taken part in Friend Makin’ Monday (FMM) then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s questions on your own blog then add your link in the comments section over at: http://losingweightandhavingfun.com/ this way everyone over at Losing Weight and Having Fun can check out your responses. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to create your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts, too. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

1.       Are you following the World Cup? If so, which team are you cheering for?

Yes, I am. Or at least trying to catch coverage whenever I can. I am rooting for Italy (sorry Sarah) and, of course, USA.

2.       What is your favorite sport to watch either on TV or in person?

I love to watch pretty much anything, especially if it’s live. But I would have to say my two favorites would be hockey and baseball.

3.       Which local team (regardless of sport) do you support?

Pensacola is a small town so we don’t have any major league teams but we do have a minor league (SPHL) hockey team, the Ice Flyers, and they are awesome. They just won back to back Presidents Cup (their version of the Stanley) and I was fortunate enough to be able to drive up to Columbus, GA with E to watch them win the cup. It was pretty awesome.

4.       What is your favorite sport to play?

Although it has been awhile, I would have to say tennis is my favorite sport to play.

5.       Were you ever in a sport team?

Yes, I did. I played tennis, basketball, softball and soccer (for a very short bit) and was also on the track and field team.

6.       Have you ever traveled a long distance to see your team play?

Yes. Just this year I flew to Nashville to go to a Preds game, drove to Sarasota and Clearwater to see the Phillies in spring training, drove to Tampa for a Lightning game. I also attended two Ducks games in Anaheim, a Phillies game in Philadelphia, and (as I stated above) drove to Columbus, GA for an Ice Flyers game.  I’ve also seen a Red Sox game in Toronto, a Phillies game at Dodger stadium and endured football games in Buffalo during the winter to name a few.  Yeah, I love to watch live sports.

7.       Do you have a favorite stadium/sport venue you have been to?

I really liked Fenway and the Tampa Bay Times Forum but my favorite stadium hands down is Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia.

8.       What is your favorite food you associate with sporting events?

Soft pretzels. Nom! And before I was a vegan, hot dogs.

9.       Do you have a favorite sporting song?

The Ice Flyers play Chelsea Dagger as their goal song (same as the Blackhawks) which I liked long before it became a hockey song. Also, my high school fight song. It will always be my favorite. It was so funny.  I still remember it to this day.

10.   Is there a sporting event you would like to go to in another country?

Sure, I would love to go to any sporting event abroad but if I had to pick one- the Tour. Even after all the bs with Lance and all the others, the drugs, the doping, all the scandal, I would still want to go and watch the Tour de France.

 

Happy Monday!

Love and hugs,

Dacia

Xoxoxoxo

 

 

The Real Stuff

Time to talk about the real stuff…

As of late, I have been somewhat overwhelmed (in a good way) with comments from friends about how happy I am and how happy they are for me. They see pictures of E and I together, or spend time with us, and see the love we have and this amazing connection we share. And they are happy. And I am happy. We are all happy. 

It’s a really good thing.

Some days I think back on my divorce and the events leading up to it. And I don’t mean to talk about this in any way that sounds like I am trashing Paul or making him out to be the bad guy. He wasn’t. Neither one of us was ‘the bad guy’. It was what it was, a marriage that just wasn't meant to be…for so, so many reasons.

And in the end (actually long before) we both knew it.  And we stopped trying to force it to work. And we ended things somewhat amicably. Somewhat. Enough for me to not have leftover anger or resentment or any of that crap.

Which is good.

And I learned a lot about myself; the person that I once was and the person I wanted to be, through the process.

I see myself then as a person with low self-worth and a terrible belief that I was an unlovable person. That I felt like I should have been thankful that anyone would even want to be with me.  And because of that I put up with a lot of shit (from myself and others) that I shouldn’t have.

Trust me; I didn’t walk away from that marriage blaming Paul for everything that had gone wrong. I owned up to my own stuff, too.

A few years ago I started to pull my life together. I found acceptance and self-love and came to (FINALLY) realize that I am a really good person, I am worthy of love (most importantly worthy of my own love) and that I needed to take care of myself first and foremost. I needed to start chasing dreams and living to my full potential. I was ready to start living life and in order to truly do so it meant the dissolution of my marriage.

And I have no regrets.

I believe 100% that I did what was best for me.  What needed to be done. And in the end, that is what I had to base my decision off of. Because I was losing myself. 

And I no longer wanted to be lost.

Now here I am. In another committed relationship and I am happy. Truly, unbelievably, sometimes sickeningly happy.

And it is not because Erick is great and Paul was horrible. Honestly this has nothing to do with either one of them.

I am happy because I was willing enough to make a really tough decision, one that was scary and foreign and could possibly have gone terribly wrong, in order to be able to love myself, to chase my dreams, to start being me even if that meant I did so alone.

I made the choice to make my happiness my priority.

And I know it sounds selfish. And it kind of was. But I was so lost. I needed to be selfish in order to find my way. In order to stand up for myself. To be strong. To be the person I wanted to be.

So, I made my happiness my priority and I set out to find the path I wanted to be on.  And that path has led me here- to a new phase of my life and into a new relationship. It’s young and still developing but it has strong roots and a sturdy foundation.

I am trying to embrace each moment, live life fully and love openly. It’s hard; I battle the (unsubstantiated and pretty irrational) fear of losing E. The fear of making bad decisions. The fear of never achieving my dreams. I think that sometimes I must feel this way because it has never been this good. I have never been this happy. And it would be terrible to lose any of this.

I have a lot of back and forth conversations (with myself of course) that ultimately end in me agreeing that really even if it all went to shit tomorrow it would have all been worth it. And knowing that is true helps allow me to chase my dreams and love someone completely and stop being so damn afraid.

Because I only have one life. This life. Right now.

And if I want to be a professor and live on a farm with 44 baby goats (have you seen this video??) and have a vegetable garden and brew my own beer then that’s what I will do. The only thing that can stop me from my dreams is me so I need to learn how to get the heck out of my own way and keep on working to make my dreams come true.

And hopefully, in the end I have a farm and a garden and a big fluffy dog and an awesome teaching gig and even a wonderful man to share it all with- sitting next to me in a big wooden Adirondack chair, telling me that he loves our perfect life.

But even if none of that happens, even if I don’t make each of those dreams come true, even if I end up alone I do know one thing for sure…

I will have an amazing life chasing my dreams. 

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxox

Playing Catch-up

So…HI! How are you?

I know, I know- it’s been awhile.

Things have been crazy, but in the best possible way.

As you know, E and I have been traveling a lot lately and last week our travels (and my job) brought us to Orlando and Tampa for the week. It was sooooo much fun! I arrived in Orlando on Tuesday for a work conference. I did a lot of relaxing for the first few days I was there on my own. This included some shopping and a massage. I also was able to meet up with one of my favorite people on planet earth for a few hours before Earrived- that was awesome. After Erick got into Orlando we hit Downtown Disney- went bowling at Splitsville, rode in a hot air balloon- then we headed to Tampa where we went to Cigar City Brewery, ate dinner with Yummy Sushi Pajamas,  went to a Rays game, attended a post-game concert (WEEZER!!!) on the field, and then ended the trip by swimming with the manatees. I could write a whole post just on this trip but I won’t, not for now at least. Instead I will just share some pictures and move on to my next topic.

 

Working out….

I started T25 like a month ago. Rocked the first week- then went to Philly for a week and only got in one workout. Then I came back and rocked week 2 and then went away for a week and didn’t get any workouts in. Was planning to start back up this week, week 3, but never really got into the swing of things. So, I made a decision (mostly based on the fact that I might be able to get week 3 and some of week 4 in before I leave for Fitbloggin’)to just start over from week1, day1 on June 30th. I will actually have ten whole weeks between June 30th and September 8th with no huge (out of the general area) travel plans. This will give me the chance to actually finish both T25 Alpha and Beta straight through- which I am guessing is probably how the program wasintended to be completed.

So, what am I going to do between now and June 30th workout wise? Well, I snagged Les Mills Combat last week during a hugeBeachbody sale so I think I will try out some of those videos in the morning and maybe even get back on the spin bike too. I have been going to the gym after work trying to get back into the swing of running, which E and I were doing 2-3 times a week regularly, and build back some of my endurance because…

I signed up for another half marathon.

Well, more importantly – I agreed to join a group to run the Ragnar Relay- Cape Cod in May of 2015 and I need to get back into running regularly and training so I decided it was time for another half marathon. Training for the half (the Pensacola Half Marathon 11/9/2014) won’t really begin until mid-August BUT I need to make sure I have a good base built up before I start training again. My goal is 3-4 runs per week through the summer. Nothing too crazy, just enough to get me used to running again. Yesterday I decided to test out my legs/lungs to see where I was by seeing how fast I could run a mile. I was aiming for somewhere in the 8s (like 8:59) but I still surprised myself with a 9:16 mile. I don’t expect to be running sub-30 minute 5Ks anytime soon but I am hoping that this go around I will be able to get a little bit faster and feel a little bit stronger through my training. I think that T25 through the summer and then maybe some boot camp (or combat) in the fall will help with that too. I may be physically the smallest I have been in a really long time but I am definitely not the strongest (which isn’t surprising because of the surgery and downtime) and that is something I really want to focus on.

Some other things I lost post-surgery were my flexibility and stability, both of which come in handy for almost any activityespecially running. So I am going to start doing yoga again. Starting today. The university has a yoga class (actually taught by one of my co-workers) on Thursday evening so I am going to check that out. I also signed up E and I for a gentle beginner’s yoga class on Sunday. Since it has been at least 6 months since my last yoga class I wanted to start off in a beginner’s class having no idea where my skill level would be right now.

That’s where I am on the exercise front. On the weight front….well, I have a whole lot of beers and (veggie) burgers I need to burn off. Let’s just say I am more than happy to be home and back in the kitchen cooking my own meals. I love being able to eat out (who doesn’t) but doing it every meal, every day gets old quick. This week I have been doing a good job preparing dinners at home, packing my lunches and drinkingsmoothies for breakfast. I have been trying to limit the amount of TV I am watching (although Orange is the New Black sucks me in almost daily) and get some extra movement in around the house/yard when I can. It’s all about getting back to my healthy habits, not beating myself up too much over my ‘indulgences’, setting realistic goals and focusing on what I really want out of this life. I know I have another travel week coming up soon but after that I have ten weeks at home so I plan on making the most of that time. Both my body and my mind could use a little break from the whirlwind ~ I am so ready for just being normal for a while :)

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxo

 

FMM: Next!

If you’ve taken part in Friend Makin’ Monday (FMM) then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s questions on your own blog then add your link in the comments section over at: http://losingweightandhavingfun.com/ this way everyone over at Losing Weight and Having Fun can check out your responses. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to create your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts, too. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

 

1.       What is the next movie you want to see?

I don’t really watch too many movies. At least not as many as I’d like to. I don’t really know of any movies I want to see right now. Maybe Chef? That looked good. Oh, and I know it’s not a movie but one thing I am really looking forward to is the new season of Orange is the New Black. I am watching it a second time so that E can get caught up and we can watch season 2 together. We are about halfway through and watch an episode whenever we have time. It’s fun having a show we can watch together.

2.       What is the next book that you want to read?

Currently I am reading the new Emily Giffin novel The One and Only and it is terrible and predictable and I really am not loving it but I am about a third/halfway through and I just want to finish it and move on. Next up is either The Engagements by J. Courtney Sullivan (a recommendation from my best friend) or Top Secret Twenty-One by Janet Evanovich (my guilty pleasure novels)- that all depends on when I finish the book I am currently reading.

3.       What is the next trip/vacation you are going to take?

Tomorrow I am driving out to Orlando for a work conference. E will be joining me out there Thursday night and then we are heading to Tampa for the weekend. We are going to be touring Cigar City brewery, catching a Tampa Bay Rays game which is followed by a Weezer concert, hanging out with friends and snorkeling/swimming with manatees- it’s going to be awesome!

4.       What is the next restaurant you want to try?

There is a new restaurant set to open sometime this summer in downtown Pensacola- Khon’s. It’s dubbed as Southeast Asian cuisine. The menu looks fantastic and talking with one of the owners he told me how they are really going to try and offer a lot of veg options to traditional non-veg dishes such as pho and bhan mi. I am super excited to try it out.

5.       What is the next workout you are going to do?

T25- total body circuit. Tomorrow morning. First day of week 3!

6.       What is the next task you are going to complete?

Not 100% sure what you would define as a task but I do have an eye exam this afternoon and I will be picking out new glasses. Does that count? Also, packing later tonight- that’s definitely a task.

7.       What is the next hobby you want to try?

Well, I just took up gardening as my new hobby and I am still working at it. I have to start building the second raised garden bed as it will be time to plant soon. I think that my focus right now is just the gardening (and school, and work, and T25, and moving/traveling, and being a girlfriend) but the next hobby I would like to try (maybe sometime in September/October as the weather cools) would be home brewing. Is anyone really surprised by that?

8.       What is the next big event you will attend?

Well, technically the next big event I will be attending is the work conference this week but I doubt you want to hear about that. So, I will instead tell you that the next big event I will attend (for fun) is Fitbloggin’! In just a little over 3 weeks I will be heading over to Savannah to attend my second Fitbloggin’ and I am beyond excited! I had just the most amazing time last year and I am so looking forward to this year’s conference.

9.       What type of animal do you want as your next pet?

In a perfect world, I would have unlimited time, money and acreage and I would have both indoor pets (dogs for sure) and outdoor pets (alpaca, sheep, goats) but sadly that isn’t on the horizon any time soon. I would like to one day, maybe after I finish my doctorate and begin teaching, buy a lot of land and have a farm and a huge vegetable garden. That’s pretty much my end goal. And I get very excited when I pass by houses in Pensacola that have goats because that means I could do all of that and not have to head out to the country. For now, I will settle for my house with E and our little garden and maybe one day- a pet of our own.  

10.   What is the next topic you would like to see on FMM?

I am sure it has been done before but maybe a top ten of blogs/websites. Like favorite site for recipes, motivation, etc.