Thursday, June 20, 2013

A Little Rant...

A friend of mine posted a link on Facebook to an article written about a relationship between an overweight girl and a non-overweight guy. Actually I saw this article link pop up a few times all with comments by friends about how much they loved the article or that it was a happy/great story.

This article stirred up a lot of feelings for me; some because it is something I could have written myself a few years ago and some because there are parts that make me sad.
I’ll try to explain.
It really bothers me that articles like this even need to be written. People should not have to justify that their relationship is ‘normal’ even though the two people in it are of different sizes. It’s like writing an article saying “I’m white and my boyfriend’s not. Big freaking deal”. Do we really have to make an issue out of something that should be a non-issue?
Now, I know what the reality is out there. I am not that naïve. There are people who think fat people (especially fat women with skinny men) dating/married to skinny people is gross/weird/wrong whatever. Just like there are people out there that think mixed race couples are wrong. And there probably isn’t much I could ever say/write that would make them think otherwise and that’s sad.

It’s also sad that in 2013 articles like this need to be written. Come on people, WTF! Do we not know better by now? A person is so much more than there outward physical characteristics. I don’t want people to like me because of my weight; I want people to like me because of the person I am. My character, my beliefs, my heart and soul- not the container that it’s all housed in. And yes, again, you are probably thinking I am being naïve- people are just not like that.
Well, I call bullshit. I have a husband who never once in our near-decade relationship has ever made me feel less than perfect because I was overweight/obese. I don’t think the man has ever called me fat, even when I, myself, have called me fat. He never criticized my appearance and although I wasn’t at my heaviest when we got married I was still a size 20. And he loved me just the same. And no, he doesn’t have a ‘thing for fat chicks’ (this is something the article discusses) he just loves me for the person I am.  

And so do my friends and my family. I have been so fortunate to know so many amazing people who have always made me feel so much love and happiness- I never felt like I needed to change to ‘fit in’ or impress them. It’s probably why it took me so long to get to the realization of actually how unhealthy I was and that I needed to change to save my life, but I digress.

This makes me sad because of this mindset…'he loves me just the way I am'. There are people out there saying that someone loves them even though they are overweight which to me just sounds like ‘I am overweight and therefore less of a person and should be unlovable’ and that’s just not true. And I am so guilty of this mindset. I know there have been times in my life where I thought about how anyone could love me because I’m so disgusting/ugly/gross etc. and I just want to go back and slap myself for thinking that way.

You see, I might not be able to change anyone’s mind about how they perceive others but what I really hope to do with this post is to change your mind about how you perceive yourself….
You don’t’ think you are worthy of experiencing love? You’re wrong.

You think that being fat makes you a bad person? You think that being different is a bad thing? You aren’t and it’s not.
You are whatever you perceive yourself to be, you can have anything you want. But you have to love yourself.

Find self-acceptance, love yourself right now as is and stop looking for validation from others. Because you won’t get it. Because you don’t need it.
You only need to know you are who you are meant to be; yesterday, today and tomorrow.

You are worthy of your love.

You deserve happiness.  

You are perfect.

You are you.

Anyone would be lucky to know you, to have you as a friend, to love you….as is. There are no requirements or conditions that need to be met first. Well, maybe just being a good person but I know you already are so you’re good.
Don’t change yourself to fit some ridiculous image of what you think you need to look like in order to ‘find what you deserve’. Don’t. That’s not how it works.

Love yourself, embrace your beauty, your character, embrace what makes you special. Different is awesome. Own that!
Because at the end of the day; people are people.

An overweight girl dating a non-overweight boy should not be a story.  It’s just life.
And your life, my life, their life doesn’t need anyone’s approval or validation. It doesn’t.

And yes, maybe I might be the queen of all of naivety but can’t we just live our own lives and stop shaming ourselves (or others) into feeling bad about things we really shouldn’t?
Is it so hard to just love ourselves and be happy? Personally, I don’t think it is.

And when I talk about my life and my journey I know I am only here today because 100 pounds ago I realized that I was a really awesome person as is. And if I didn’t stop hating myself I would never find my happiness.
And so I did.

And you should too.
No matter what.

Because once you love yourself it becomes so much easier to love everyone else…as is.
Rant over...
Oh, sorry, one more thing - I LOVE YOU!