Fitbloggin' Part 1

I'm tired

No seriously, I am extremely and ridiculously tired.

Physically and mentally.

But I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. And as I type this tears are streaming down my face and I am becoming that weird girl crying on an airplane for no reason whatsoever.

But I'm ok with that.

The people around me would feel the same way if they just went through what I went through.

I honestly don't know if I have the words to describe what this weekend meant to me. But I can tell you that I am not the same girl I was Thursday morning.

And of course I can't find my tissues.

Shit, I must have left them behind after one of the group discussions. Or maybe in a bar (yes, I cried in bars) or maybe at one of the fitness sessions (yep, cried then too) but it was good crying. Soul cleansing, cathartic crying.

Sometimes it was sad, and scary, and I was more self-aware than I have ever been.

But most times I was happy, I forced myself to be honest (always, even when it was difficult), and it was beyond a doubt one of the most humbling experiences I have ever had.

Now take all of that and mix it with:

A billion deep belly laughs.

And amazing hugs. The good kind; the bone crushing bear hugs. The kind that I never wanted to end.

And eternal bonds formed with people I have known for years and with people I have known for days.

And of course lots of beers.

And all the vegan food :)

I wanted to use this weekend as a way to help me work on the issues I currently/still struggle with. Yep, news flash- I struggle. Every day isn't easy.  I don't have all the answers. I am still learning. I will always be learning. But sitting in a room with 30 people (or 300 or 3) and hearing others talk and share and in turn being open and honest and bearing my soul and showing my scars- literally and figuratively-I really cannot tell you how much it has already started to help me deal with these issues. How much it has changed me.

I asked myself some pretty difficult questions and turned to others for their help. Guidance. Thoughts. Their stories. I leaned on others when I needed it and pushed myself outside my comfort zone when it called for it.

I took chances.

I refused to let fear stop me from doing what I wanted to do and saying what I wanted to say and meeting who I wanted to meet.

And yes, those situations were made easier at a conference filled with 'my people' but I did it all nonetheless.

And it was awesome. In my wildest dreams I couldn't have imagined this outcome.

It was so freeing.

Fuck, this is really overwhelming me with emotions right now.

I feel raw. Like I left behind a shell I didn't know I was wearing and am now exposed.

But in a good way.

In the most amazingly, unbelievably good way.

God, I know this is all so vague but I really don't know how to talk about this. How do I explain this experience in detail? I don't know if I can.

Because honestly, I could recount every moment of this weekend and it wouldn't paint you an accurate picture of how/what/why this all changed and affected me so...

So for now (yes, there will be many more posts to come- and of course lots of pictures) I will leave you with some of my big takeaways of the weekend. Written as if I am reminding myself of these things, not preaching to you.

1. Everyone struggles. Everyone is trying to work on their issues. And everyone has problems, whether you think so or not.  You don't always (almost never) see the whole picture. So be kind. Always.  And in this recognize that you deserve kindness back. Accept it.

2. Stop with all  the fucking judgement. Stop judging others, you have no right to. Let them be. In turn revert back to item 1. And stop judging yourself. Be your best friend, not your worst enemy. Work on quieting that voice inside your head that tries to tear you down and of course, revert back to item 1- kindness.

3. Enough with the self deprecating bullshit. It devalues your self worth. Why do that? Your awesome. Accept that.

4. It's not always easy (and sometimes it's downright scary as shit) but if you want a different life, a different perspective, a different outlook, a different body shape, whatever, you have to be willing to make the changes necessary to get you there. And accept the struggles you may face along the way as just a part of life, not a failure.

And last, something I try to remind myself of daily (sometimes even many times a day) but was a prevalent theme for my introspection this weekend...

5. Stop comparing yourself to others. You can only compare yourself today with the person you were yesterday. And recognize that measurements of progress go far beyond the scale or fitness goals or run times or inches lost and should always include your character, your resolve. How do you treat the people in your life; are you being a good friend/spouse/child/ human being today? Are you being good to you? And ask yourself if there is something you can do today to help you be better. I am sure there is.

And on that note I think I will stop here. Not sure how long this post is but it feels like I just wrote a novel.  Sorry about that. But I needed this. I needed to get some of these thoughts out of my head so i have them to reference  in the days, weeks, months, years that lie ahead.

Wordless Wednesday...I Think Not!

So today won’t be a typical Wordless Wednesday post. I have no pictures to share because I moved all the pictures off my phone onto my computer last night – I needed to free up space for Fitbloggin! Instead I will just share with you some of the thoughts racing through my head right now.

Fitbloggin’- it’s pretty much the only thing I can think about right now. My flight leaves at 630a tomorrow and I don’t think it is possible to be more excited. I packed up the entire contents of my wardrobe my bags Sunday because I knew I wouldn’t have the time Monday-Wednesday to pack. But of course you know there are some things I can’t pack ahead of time (like my glasses, iPhone charger, etc.) so I have an ever growing list by my side of things that need to be packed tonight/tomorrow morning. I guess its times like these where being ridiculously organized pays off.

I am so super excited to be able to see ‘my people’ tomorrow and I expect there to be lots of hugs and laughs and probably a crap ton of pictures. That’s what we bloggers do….we take pictures of everything. So consider yourself warned- my FB and twitter will be overrun and I am sure next week I will be sharing my adventures with you here on the blog.

I am also super excited that there is an app for fitbloggin’! I went ahead and added all of the workouts and sessions I plan on attending to my calendar which is awesome. That will definitely help me not miss any of the ones I really want to attend. My plan this weekend is to squeeze as much of everything into my days as possible. There are so many places I want to go to in Portland so I plan on spending at least a few hours every day out in the city; drinking all of the beer and eating all of the vegan food.  

Yeah, I wish I had more time to spend in Portland. I don’t think 4 days will cut it. I will probably come back with a list of all the places I want to see the next time I go back…lol!

Hmmmm, what else?

As you can tell my mind is kind of consumed with this trip.

This week has gone pretty well so far. Yesterday I handed in my Stats midterm. It’s not due until Sunday but since I will be in OR I wanted to have it finished before I left. I also already handed in my two research assignments that are also due this Sunday so I can leave for fitbloggin without any stress of how to get schoolwork done while there. The stats exam was pretty tough- 10 essay questions. Blerg! Essay questions on a stats exam are no fun. But I think I did ok. We’ll see. Right now I have A's in both my classes but this midterm is really my first big grade for either course. Next week is my midterm for my research class so once I get back from Portland it will be a quick transition back into my focus on school.

This week has also gone pretty well training wise. I didn’t get to make it to the pool Monday after barre class though. I opted to meet friends for beers and hockey instead. I probably should have gone to the pool since Monday night was the only time I could have gone swimming but it was the Stanley Cup. I’m not a robot. I can’t always put my training schedule ahead of everything else. I need to have fun too.

And trust me, it’s not like I’ve been slacking. Friday was my last rest day. Since then I have went to; three barre classes (plus I have another one on the books tonight), 2 reformer sessions, got in one swimming session, 2 bike rides, and 2 runs. I’m feeling really good; very positive about where I am right now both mentally and physically in regards to training and my work-school-training-social life balance. So yay!

OK, I lied. I do have one picture on my phone, it's from this morning. Another post-workout (35 minute run) sweaty pic. If you look close enough you can see the sweat dripping off my nose. I am one classy lady ;)

 

That’s really all I have going on right now; nothing too extraordinary.

Oh, but I should also mention here some exciting Paul news. Weather permitting, Paul will have his solo flight tomorrow thus completing the second stage of his flight training. There are still many more stages ahead of him but I am happy he is progressing. Because of the whole sequestration thingy we didn’t think he would even start flight school at all this year and here he is about to finish up his second stage and move on to the next. Exciting!

What does that mean for us as far as moving goes? Nothing yet. His next phase of training will be at Whiting Field, about a half hour drive from where we currently live. So we know we will both be here in Pensacola for at least the duration of that phase which is 6 months. After that, who knows? But I will be sure to keep you posted.

What have you been up to this week? Will I be seeing you at Fitbloggin?

Triathlon Training: Week 2 Recap

Time to recap week two of my triathlon training…two weeks down, six to go.  Did I tell you my triathlon is on a Thursday night? Kind of random, I know. But I am actually really excited for it even if I have to work all day first.

Oh, and did I tell you it is a females-only triathlon? That was actually a big selling point for me. I will have enough on my mind that day; I don’t need to have to worry about getting kicked in the face (while swimming) by some big dude.

But enough about that…let’s get to the recap….

Week 2 Plan:

Monday- bike 30 min, run 15 min
Tuesday- strength
Wednesday- swim 15 min, run 30 min
Thursday – run 30 min, strength
Friday- rest
Saturday – run 35 min
Sunday – swim 30 min, bike 30 min

Total planned for week 2: two strength sessions, 110 minutes running, 60 minutes biking, 45 minutes swimming

Week 2 Actual:

Monday- self-imposed rest day after 6 workouts in the five days prior

Tuesday- AM: bike 30 min, run 15 min PM: barre and reformer session
Wednesday- AM:  run 30 min PM: swim 25 minutes
Thursday- AM: run 30 min PM: barre class
Friday- rest day
Saturday- barre class and reformer session
Sunday – swim 30 min, bike 30 min, run 35 min

Total for week 2:  three strength sessions, 110 minutes running, 60 minutes biking, 55 minutes swimming

+10 minutes swimming, +1 strength sessions

After Sunday's workout; swim, bike, run. White shirt makes it hard to see the sweat. I was drenched!

 

I’m pretty happy with last week’s results. Although out of order, which will happen every week, I managed to fit in every training session as well as an extra session of strength training. I also realized how important it is for me to get in the pool as much as possible. Swimming is by far my biggest weakness, as I am still attempting to learn how to swim properly. Lessons start up on July 9^th and that day can’t come quickly enough.

I have read countless times how important it is in triathlon training to spend the most time on the area you are weakest in so I am planning on trying to get in some extra pool time this week (before Fitbloggin) and next week to help get me as acclimated to swimming as possible before the lessons start.

I am also pretty damn happy (and proud) about a couple improvements I saw this week. I hit my fastest 1.5 mile time to date (in the training) of a 14:34 which I ran after 30 minutes on the bike. Happy to be able to run a 9:42 min/mile pace on tired legs. Then yesterday I ran 3.6 miles in 35 minutes which is a 9:43 min/mile pace after swimming for 30 minutes and biking for 30 minutes. Again, on tired legs. It makes me happy knowing I can still push myself hard at the end of a workout since that’s pretty much what will need to happen during the triathlon. There is no better time than now to prepare myself to run tired.

This week is going to be a bit chaotic being in Portland for 4 days during which I won’t have access to a pool. I will definitely need to rearrange the training schedule to make it work and maybe I may end up missing some training sessions but I am not going to kill myself over it. I know week 4 will be better so I am not concerned. It happens, that’s life. BUT even though I know I will be living it up in Portland I am still going to do my best to get in training runs when I can.  The training schedule is as follows:

Week 3 Plan:

Monday- strength

Tuesday- run 35
Wednesday- bike 50, strength
Thursday- swim 30, run 20
Friday- rest
Saturday- run 40 min
Sunday- swim 30, run 45

I plan on going to barre class Monday-Wednesday plus a reformer session on Tuesday, I will hopefully get both swim sessions and the one bike session in before I leave and then I will only have running sessions to worry about in Portland. I also know that I have a bunch of fitness sessions (boot camp, yoga, cardio dance and trampolining) on the schedule at Fitbloggin so I will definitely be keeping active this week. Which is a good thing since I will need to be in order to balance out the all the beer and Voodoo doughnuts that will be consumed.

What are your goals this week? Do you have any big fitness (or even non-fitness goals) you are working towards?

A Little Rant...

A friend of mine posted a link on Facebook to an article written about a relationship between an overweight girl and a non-overweight guy. Actually I saw this article link pop up a few times all with comments by friends about how much they loved the article or that it was a happy/great story.

If you want to read it here’s the link : “I’m Overweight and My Boyfriend’s Not. Big Freaking Deal.”

This article stirred up a lot of feelings for me; some because it is something I could have written myself a few years ago and some because there are parts that make me sad.

I’ll try to explain.

It really bothers me that articles like this even need to be written. People should not have to justify that their relationship is ‘normal’ even though the two people in it are of different sizes. It’s like writing an article saying “I’m white and my boyfriend’s not. Big freaking deal”. Do we really have to make an issue out of something that should be a non-issue?

Now, I know what the reality is out there. I am not that naïve. There are people who think fat people (especially fat women with skinny men) dating/married to skinny people is gross/weird/wrong whatever. Just like there are people out there that think mixed race couples are wrong. And there probably isn’t much I could ever say/write that would make them think otherwise and that’s sad.

It’s also sad that in 2013 articles like this need to be written. Come on people, WTF! Do we not know better by now? A person is so much more than there outward physical characteristics. I don’t want people to like me because of my weight; I want people to like me because of the person I am. My character, my beliefs, my heart and soul- not the container that it’s all housed in. And yes, again, you are probably thinking I am being naïve- people are just not like that.

Well, I call bullshit. I have a husband who never once in our near-decade relationship has ever made me feel less than perfect because I was overweight/obese. I don’t think the man has ever called me fat, even when I, myself, have called me fat. He never criticized my appearance and although I wasn’t at my heaviest when we got married I was still a size 20. And he loved me just the same. And no, he doesn’t have a ‘thing for fat chicks’ (this is something the article discusses) he just loves me for the person I am.  

And so do my friends and my family. I have been so fortunate to know so many amazing people who have always made me feel so much love and happiness- I never felt like I needed to change to ‘fit in’ or impress them. It’s probably why it took me so long to get to the realization of actually how unhealthy I was and that I needed to change to save my life, but I digress.

This makes me sad because of this mindset…'he loves me just the way I am'. There are people out there saying that someone loves them even though they are overweight which to me just sounds like ‘I am overweight and therefore less of a person and should be unlovable’ and that’s just not true. And I am so guilty of this mindset. I know there have been times in my life where I thought about how anyone could love me because I’m so disgusting/ugly/gross etc. and I just want to go back and slap myself for thinking that way.

You see, I might not be able to change anyone’s mind about how they perceive others but what I really hope to do with this post is to change your mind about how you perceive yourself….

You don’t’ think you are worthy of experiencing love? You’re wrong.

You think that being fat makes you a bad person? You think that being different is a bad thing? You aren’t and it’s not.

You are whatever you perceive yourself to be, you can have anything you want. But you have to love yourself.

Find self-acceptance, love yourself right now as is and stop looking for validation from others. Because you won’t get it. Because you don’t need it.

You only need to know you are who you are meant to be; yesterday, today and tomorrow.

You are worthy of your love.

You deserve happiness.  

You are perfect.

You are you.

Anyone would be lucky to know you, to have you as a friend, to love you….as is. There are no requirements or conditions that need to be met first. Well, maybe just being a good person but I know you already are so you’re good.

Don’t change yourself to fit some ridiculous image of what you think you need to look like in order to ‘find what you deserve’. Don’t. That’s not how it works.

Love yourself, embrace your beauty, your character, embrace what makes you special. Different is awesome. Own that!

Because at the end of the day; people are people.

An overweight girl dating a non-overweight boy should not be a story.  It’s just life.

And your life, my life, their life doesn’t need anyone’s approval or validation. It doesn’t.

And yes, maybe I might be the queen of all of naivety but can’t we just live our own lives and stop shaming ourselves (or others) into feeling bad about things we really shouldn’t?

Is it so hard to just love ourselves and be happy? Personally, I don’t think it is.

And when I talk about my life and my journey I know I am only here today because 100 pounds ago I realized that I was a really awesome person as is. And if I didn’t stop hating myself I would never find my happiness.

And so I did.

And you should too.

No matter what.

Because once you love yourself it becomes so much easier to love everyone else…as is.

Rant over...

Oh, sorry, one more thing - I LOVE YOU!

Triathlon Training Week 1 Recap

Last week was the first week of my 8 week triathlon training plan. As you know, it got off to a rough start but thankfully by Wednesday things turned around and I was able to get in most of my training sessions for the week. Actually the only real changes I had to make to the schedule were subbing in a bike ride in place of a swim and moved the order around a bit. As with any training plan, it’s pretty much a great starting point but I always have to shift things around based off my schedule.

Week 1Plan:

Monday- strength
Tuesday- run 30 min
Wednesday- bike 45, strength  
Thursday- swim 20, run 25
Friday- rest
Saturday- run 30 min
Sunday- swim 30, run 30

Total planned  for week 1: 2 strength training sessions, 115 minutes running, 45 minutes biking, 50 minutes swimming

Week 1 Actual:

Monday- rest (aka hiding under a rock)
Tuesday- rest
Wednesday – run 30 min
Thursday – bike 45 minutes, barre class (which I consider strength training)
Friday- bike 20 minutes, run 25 minutes
Saturday – barre class and reformer session for strength training
Sunday- swim 30 minutes, run 60 minutes (I combined Saturday’s run with Sunday’s)

Sweaty mess after Sunday's swim/run session- hit the 5 mile mark at 52 minutes which was very exciting to see :)

Total for week 1: 2 strength training sessions, 115 minutes running, 65 minutes biking, 30 minutes swimming

+20 minutes on the bike, -20 minutes of swimming

Not too bad for week 1, especially since it started off so rough.

And of course, for this week (week 2) I know I will be making some adjustments to the schedule again. I already moved yesterday’s scheduled workout to today because I needed a rest day and I know Saturday morning’s will be barre/reformer sessions for the foreseeable future so I am not sure what that means for my runs that day. I may actually try to squeeze it in beforehand and see how that goes.

Week 2 Plan:

Monday- bike 30 min, run 15 min
Tuesday- strength
Wednesday- swim 15 min, run 30 min
Thursday – run 30 min, strength
Friday- rest
Saturday – run 35 min
Sunday – swim 30 min, bike 30 min

I was pretty excited this morning because after I did my 30 minute bike ride I ran 1.5 miles in 14:34 which is a 1:04 minute improvement from last week. My goal is to be able to run 1.5 miles in 13:30 during the triathlon. That’s what I am working towards at least. Not sure it’s really a great idea to set time goals for the actual triathlon itself but I do like having a goal in mind to work towards.

Hey, if nothing else it should hopefully help me with my running while fatigued.

Have you ever trained for a triathlon? How strictly do you adhere to your training plan?

Barre in Pensacola!!!

The Saturday I returned from St Augustine/Daytona Beach Paul hit me up with some pretty big news, or at least big news by my standards, that Pensacola had a barre studio open up while I was away. My reaction was ‘WHAAAAAA???? REALLY???’ and I made him take me there so I could see it. I couldn’t just take his word for it. Actually, I am pretty sure I was googling it as he drove me to the location. Lo and behold there it was- the Pilates Barre in downtown Pensacola.

You may remember back when I was still living in San Antonio I started taking barre classes for a few months after a studio opened up by me. I used barre as a way to help build strength back in my injured leg after the half and build up some much needed core strength to help improve my running.  Barre also helped me fit into this dress…

 

Do you remember me freaking out about not fitting into this dress for Paul’s OCS graduation?

I got to my all-time lowest weight, hit size 6 (a size I hadn’t worn in probably a decade) and became far stronger than I could have imagined all while doing barre.

Needless to say, especially after returning from a trip filled with excess, I was really very excited to hear that there was now a barre studio open down here.

And since I have the world’s best husband and the most supportive friends I was immediately told that I needed to sign up for classes ASAP. Not because they want me to lose weight but because they know how much I loved barre and they want me to be happy J

After a rough start last week I finally (after some convincing, thanks DW) signed up for a class on Thursday. I was pretty excited, a bit nervous, a bit anxious, and a tiny bit concerned. Excited, because I know how awesome barre is. Nervous, because I was so out of practice. Anxious, because I felt so out of shape and really wasn’t thrilled about putting on my tiny little workout clothes. Concerned, well I was concerned because I didn’t actually think I would make it in time from work to class- it was pretty close too. The class started at 5:30 and I think I was there by 5:27.

But luckily Heather, the owner and instructor, knew to expect me and waited for me to arrive and get changed. She didn’t make me feel rushed either. It was nice. What I would shortly learn is that everything Heather does is for the benefit of the student; how she conducts class and her business shows you that. Being in her class was fun. She is warm and welcoming and really knows how to make 50 minutes of Pilates/barre feel like 5.

The class was tough but it was about what I expected. I had some issues with doing the side plank push up/dip stuff but that was not a surprise- I suck at those. There were definitely times when I could still feel how weak my left leg is compared to my right and although those moments were difficult it made me thankful to be doing something that will help fix that. Heather’s class was tough but not over the top insane. She’s trying to ease us all into barre, as it is something most people have never done before, which is awesome. It’s a nice way for me to reacquaint myself with it.

Overall the class was great.  As soon as it was over I signed up for the one month unlimited membership.

And here is a little plug for the studio in case anyone reading is local. Right now the special price for the one month unlimited package is $99 (normal rate is $175, I think) which is freaking awesome. BUT, even better, if you sign up for a one month package by 6/21/13 then your next one month will also be $99.

How cool is that? She is really trying to grow her business but also help out the people who were there in the beginning. It’s definitely a win-win for me J

She even had a special event that evening called ‘Belly Up to the Barre’. After class we hung out and had some ‘skinny’ cocktails Heather prepared for us.  She made vodka infused with raspberry, peach and mint and mixed it with some tonic water. It was super light and refreshing and a great way to relax and socialize after class.

During our cocktail hour I got to talking to Heather about some of her Pilates machines and the private sessions she offers. I have always wanted to try out a Pilates reformer but usually private sessions are a bit too pricey for me. BUT, Heather is awesome (and her rates are super reasonable, comparatively) and after talking with her for a bit I was convinced it was something I wanted to try. So, I went ahead and signed up for a private session. I went this past Saturday, actually did barre class and then a session on the reformer, but I think I will save that recap for the next post.

But I will say that it was awesome.

And that I have another reformer session booked for after barre class tomorrow.

I’m kind of hooked.

Oh, and I should also note that even though the barre studio is new, Heather is an established Pilates instructor here in Pensacola. She just moved into a new space and decided to introduce barre into her repertoire.

I am so lucky she did J  

I'm Going to Portland...Fitbloggin' 13 Baby!

Fitbloggin’ is in 13 days people…

THIRTEEN DAYS!!!

Did you know that I’m going? I mean I know that I have the little ‘"Join me at Fitbloggin’ 13" button on my blog page (although I am not sure many people actually read my blog  from an actual computer screen to see it) and I think most of you have seen my posts on social media, or better yet hear me talk about it incessantly, so I think it is safe to say that yes, you know I am going to Fitbloggin’.

This will be my first time attending Fitbloggin’ or any blogging conference for that matter.

To say I am excited would be a huge understatement.

I don’t think there are enough words in my vocabulary to adequately describe how I am feeling about attending this conference; excited, anxious (in a good way), happy, gleeful, nervous (also, in a good way- there are no bad feelings about fitbloggin), excited, excited, excited, super-duper happy,  ridiculously excited, infinitely excited…ok, I think you get the point.

You’re probably thinking right now Dacia, why the heck are you so excited???

Hmmm…let’s see if I can explain

·         Portland- beer, lots of vegan food, hippies, awesomeness

·         A conference based around fitness and activity and supporting each other – is there really anything better? Fitness activities of all types (cross fit, trampolining –yes, I signed up for this class, running, yoga, etc.) planned throughout the day.

·         In between activities I get to attend sessions that address topics that are really important to me; like dealing with the mental challenges of weight loss or comparing yourself to others. Just check out this schedule- you’ll see exactly why I’m so excited

·         Free time in between to socialize. I already have a date setup to go for a run and hit a brewery with one of my most favortest people ever. It’s going to be awesome!

·         Even though I am a small time blogger and don’t really have any desire for that to change I am sure I will still come away from this conference knowing far more about blogging than I would have otherwise.

·         Lastly, and probably the reason I am most excited about fitbloggin, is the fact that I will get to spend four days with a group of people who have helped me throughout my journey almost from day 1. I get to hug them and tell them to their face how much I love them and how thankful I am for having them in my life. I don’t say it nearly enough and I am sure there will be people I miss or don’t get to spend enough time with but my main goal is to make sure every person I see gets a big hug and a really big thank you.

I’m not sure if you can relate this feeling or not but when you change your life and you feel like it was only made possible because you had the support of so many amazing people then you know what it is like to want to do everything possible to make sure they know just how you feel. I hope that my parents, Paul, and local friends all know that I am thankful for them as well. I have the world’s best support system and I hope you all know how much that means to me. Sorry, for the tangent. I am just a very lucky and very grateful person.

·         Oh, did I say beer? Yeah, I cannot wait to go to Rogue and I am sure probably a handful of other local breweries.  “Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles’ heel, if you will.” ~ Homer Simpson

Yes, beer, fitness/running, socializing with friends, eating lots of great vegan food- it’s going to be the best weekend ever!

And in case you were wondering, I am going to modify my triathlon training schedule around this four day trip to Portland. I plan on being as active as possible but without any stress about how I am going to get in a swim or a bike ride. It’s all about balance and I am so excited to spend four days with amazing people who all understand that concept.

So, to some up my thoughts 13 days out...

Fitbloggin' 13 is going to be legend….wait for it…and I hope you’re not vegan because the second half off that word is DAIRY!

*Yeah, I totally stole that (and changed it up a bit) from HIMYM

Sidenote: in case we are meeting at Fitbloggin for the first time let me help you out with something... my name is pronounced Day- sha. Day, like night and day, and sha like as in Marcia or Patricia. The cia makes a sha sound. :)

Can I Get a Mulligan???

My friend told me that when I am feeling down and out to blog my troubles away.

I know, sounds kind of silly doesn't it.

What he meant was to use my hard times/obstacles/roadblocks/what have you to help me find some motivation (and my way back on track) and maybe even help others at the same time.

Because you know what? Life can really throw me for a loop some times. And when it does, well some times it is really hard to get back on track.

That's where I am now- trying to get back into the swing of things.

What happened, you might ask?

Well, I went away for a conference and then I went to visit some amazing friends and attend a wedding. Sounds pretty normal, right?

What actually happened- really crappy food choices (meaning zero fruits/veg, lots of processed crap), lots and lots and lots of beers (even in place of meals some nights), no exercise, really bad sleep, which all contributed to not only a huge weight gain but also this overwhelming feeling that I have turned into a slug...or maybe a sloth. Yeah, sloth would probably work better in this story.

So here I am, trying to dig myself out from the damage last week did to me. Mostly to my psyche though. I feel mentally drained. And a bit hopeless.

But I know this is just a temporary feeling. A few more days of eating yummy plants and getting adequate sleep and exercising will make me feel like my old self again. I know that.

It's just this part that's hard to get through. It's hard not to feel overwhelmed or hopeless or pissed or ashamed. Why? I don't know. Probably because that's just who I am. Always my toughest critic. Always too concerned about how other perceive me.

Yes, on even 'normal' days my appearance gives me anxiety. So now, when I feel super gross and extra squishy (kind of like the Pillsbury dough boy) well it's hard to want to face the world.

But I'm here, checking in.

Letting you know what I am going through today.

Letting you know that tomorrow it will be better.

And the day after that even better.