Wednesday, March 18, 2015

How to Feel Good Enough

I named this post ‘How to Feel Good Enough’ because honestly you/me/we are already good enough. We are. As is. Right now. We are good enough. But I know that I often struggle with how to FEEL good enough. Some days it is a battle against myself (my monkey mind) or a battle to not fall into the comparison trap (or dig myself out of it) that keeps me from feeling not good enough. Which sucks. Especially when I am such a huge advocate for acceptance and self-love and I know that both of those things are primary reasons that I have been able to change my life, get healthy, lose weight, find the real me, etc. So on the days when I am hating on myself it’s like doubly bad because a) that’s a shitty way to feel and b) it kind of goes against who I am.

That being said, I am a human. I get all the feels- even the not so great ones. And it is honestly not the easiest thing to be kind and loving to myself every day after spending many, many years treating myself like shit. There is still a part of me that is the voice of shame, doubt, insecurity, hate, and fear that shows its head every now and again. And I just have to do my best to quiet it.

What helps….

Knowing that I am taking care of myself. Every day I am making decisions that put my health and wellness (mental and physical) first. No, I am not perfect. I am far from it. But I know that rest days and self-care are important. Walking in the park or gardening or playing with the puppy are activities just the same as running or hitting the gym and I am ok with doing any/all of them. I treat myself better and have more respect for myself than I ever had. That helps to quiet the voice.

Understanding where I was then, where I am now, and the journey I have taken to get here. There is no finish line, end goal or final destination for me. There is just taking each day and trying to live it to the best of my ability knowing that the paths I have taken along the way have helped prepare me for this. You don’t have to be a weight loser or maintainer to understand growth through change. Every day that we wake up and take care of ourselves, help others, try to make a difference (no matter how small) and offer up a smile or a hug or some compassion or empathy is a day spent living the good life. A life only achieved through growth and change.  When I get frustrated with all the negative I have to really stop and think about the positive; how lucky I am, how great life is, and how much I can offer the world even if just a smile. That helps to quiet the voice.

Forgiving myself for past wrongdoings and letting go. Some days the reason behind my ‘not good enough’ feeling is because I am harboring guilt or resentment or shame from something in the past. I can’t fix it, it’s already done. I have to learn from it and move on. I know I can be a better person, I just have to forgive myself for the past and try harder in the future. That helps to quiet the voice.

Reflection on current goals and priorities helps offer up the perspective needed to help create a positive mind shift. Every time I let someone, or let myself, make me feel like I should be skinnier, faster, stronger, smarter, whatever, I am not giving them more self-worth I am only lessening mine. Which is dumb. Because I am awesome. And so are you. So, when this happens I think about my life and my current priorities. Would I like to be able to do an unassisted pull-up? Of course! Can I? Absolutely not. Does that make me less of a person because I can’t? No way. And I shouldn't feel that way. I don’t spend my time training to be able to do pull-ups so there is no reason why I should be able to do one. Mad props for anyone out there who can do them but I am not one of those people and that is ok! Would I like to be able to write a book? Of course. Do I spend any time or effort devoted to this endeavor? Not at all. Should I feel crappy because I have not written a book? NO! Why should I? Writing a book is not my priority. Nor is weight loss, qualifying for Boston, or bench pressing my body weight (to name a few) so I shouldn't wake up one day feeling terrible because I am neither thinner, faster or stronger. I have no expectations to do any of those things and in turn I should not feel bad about myself, or lessen my self-worth, because others can. I know what my priorities are (and they change pretty frequently) and I am ok with focusing on those solely because they are the key to the life I currently want to lead. I need reflection, to see the choices I am making and how they are bringing me closer to my goals and helping to build the life I want. That helps to quiet the voice. 

That little voice inside your head that says you aren't good enough is a liar

Love and hugs,