Friday, November 1, 2013

Walking Away...

There is so much I want to write about but I am just not sure where to start.

Maybe I should start here…

I am very fortunate to have the life I have today. Very fortunate for my health, my friends and family, love, happiness, kindness, compassion- I have it all. I don’t take these things for granted. I am lucky that I have been able to surround myself with positive and like-minded individuals who have always cared for me and loved me, as is.

That’s a really big deal.

Having positive people around me makes it easier to be a positive person.

Having accepting people in my life that let me be me, without judgment (because honestly- what right is it of ours to judge others), have made it easier for me to be accepting and non-judgmental.

But of course there will always be people in my life, acquaintances, co-workers, strangers at the gym, etc., that I have no control over. I can keep my circle of friends and family tight, surround myself with only those who represent the type of person I aim to be ,but I have no control as to what happens on the periphery of that circle.

This week I have been hit hard. By someone I thought was in my circle, someone I considered a friend.

I have just been overwhelmed with negative feelings and emotions all week long.

Maybe I brought this on myself. My actions have consequences, I know that.

And I need to stop here and say that this has nothing to do with Paul, he and I are good. We are actually hanging out tonight. I am getting to spend the night with the pups. He and I are adults and are handling this whole divorce in a mature and civil fashion.

Others in my life, not so much.

But here is the thing…before I go off into a diatribe about this whole shitty situation, which I shouldn’t because that whole mess isn’t worth the space of a few lines on my blog…

The thing is…it is important to know when to cut your losses and walk away.

That’s what I had to do this week. It sucked. It’s been a really long time since I had to make the tough decision to end a friendship. And to clarify, this friendship was over- I had to make the decision to stop fighting to revive it. To stop fighting to try and fix something that probably shouldn’t be fixed.

Because ultimately, I need good people in my life. Loving, kind, caring people who recognize I am a human being too. I have flaws. I make mistakes. I hurt and feel pain. And I love so deeply. I wear my heart on my sleeve and am easily crushed because of it. That’s me.

And someone that doesn’t get that…well they probably shouldn’t be in my life.

I know that.

And I know that I have so many wonderful people in my life that I don’t need to fight for one that doesn’t want to be a part of it.

But it still hurts.

Every day.

But…it gets easier.

So today, today I chose to focus on my circle. The amazing people I get to call friends. The loves of my life, my soul mates, my beacons of hope…

And today I chose to ignore what lies out in the periphery.

Because those people are not what matter to me.

You are. And today, just like every day, I am thankful for you.

Love and kisses,