Hello There...

Hello there! I made it through surgery and am now two days post op.

It was a little dicey there at first. After the surgery I was really out of it, which of course was to be expected, and was really nauseated, too to be expected, and of course I wasn't allowed to move so I was really antsy, anxious and uncomfortable. That first night, or at least the first 5 hours or so I was awake after the surgery were unbearable. I was in a lot of pain. Even the slightest twitch or shift sent me reeling. I was bracing myself for what would be pure hell for the next few weeks.

Then I slept. For about four hours. Until I had to get up so the nurse could remove my catheter. That was at midnight. Why midnight? Why not let me sleep peacefully through that first night? No clue.

But I was up and the catheter came out and so I tried to get up and walk to the bathroom.

But I couldn't. I was hit with nausea, then a wave of dizziness, then tunnel vision. Back to the bed I went. Again, feeling like complete shit, writhing in agony. It was brutal.

I was pretty sure the nausea and dizziness were from both the anesthesia and from not eating anything but a cookie and a popsicle over the las 26 hours. So, I laid in bed and ate an apple and drank some OJ. And by 1am I was up and making my first trip to the bathroom on my own. Big victory for team Dacia.

Then I was up again at 330a. This time I made it up to the bathroom completely unassisted because I couldn't find the call button for the nurse.

Then around 530a I ate another apple (thanks to my vegan nurse who was kind enough to share her lunch with me) and some more OJ. A trip to the bathroom plus a walk to the end of the hall and back and I was starting to feel a bit more optimistic.

My nurses and doctors told me the best thing to do was to keep moving. Not tons but to take short walks every time I get up to go to the bathroom. That sitting for extended periods of time would be hard on my body, I would get stiff and it would make it harder to move around when I did try to. Trust me, I'm not up running any marathons, I am just taking short walks, hunched over like a little old lady. I move but I move very, very slowly.

Throughout the morning I took a couple more walks while waiting to see the surgeon and was almost able to successfully navigate getting in and out of the hospital bed with a little less pain. By early afternoon I was discharged and my friend E took me home.

Yesterday was definitely better than surgery day but it was still very difficult moving around. Not just walking but trying to figure out how to get on/off the couch, on/off the bed, and trying to figure out how/where I could eat. Once I ate dinner I pretty much slept off and on for the remainder of the night. I moved from the couch to the bed (which was really not a fun transition at first) and spent the night sleeping in pretty decent chunks. I think I woke up twice to use the bathroom and on the second trip up I also took some tylenol before heading back to sleep. I woke up around 715a this morning and have been up ever since.

Not sure how or why (maybe it's because I pee so frequently which has caused me to have to be up moving around every hour or two) but today has been pretty awesome. No pain meds, just tylenol. I don't have any real pain, just discomfort from the tight ass binder wrapped around my body and of course the stitches and incisions. And I have managed to get off/on the couch, multiple times, on my own. I can sit upright (albeit hunched over) for short periods of time. I even ate lunch at the dining room table. With the exception of my compression socks, I can pretty much dress/undress myself. I know I still have residual anesthesia and pain meds in my system from Wednesday but I am pretty amazed at the progress I have made. All the nurses told me it would get easier and they were definitely right, even if it didn't feel like that was even possible when they were telling me that.

Speaking of nurses, I had the best nurses and techs in the history of all hospital care. They made my time there really pleasant. They were super caring and understanding and didn't seem to mind when I would break out into a rant of curse words when I was in pain. Between my surgeon, the surgical team and the anesthesia team, as well as all my nurses and techs in recovery and observation I never felt for a moment that I didn't make the right decision. I felt safe and comfortable and because of there positivity and optimism I felt the same. Not only did everyone repeatedly tell me how great I was going to look and how happy I would be with the results, I was constantly praised for my ability to have lost and kept off 130 pounds. That was pretty cool.

Do you know what else was pretty cool? Never feeling for a moment that I was alone in all this. My phone, which was so graciously manned by E during the procedure, never stopped buzzing. From the moment I was able to respond on my own, I was flooded with phone calls, text messages, Facebook posts, messages, tweets, you name it. Friends, family, co-workers. People checking in on me all day (and night) long. Presents and flowers. Well wishes and happy thoughts. It was a bit overwhelming. I cried, a lot. Which wasn't fun because crying (and laughing) hurts. But it was totally worth it. Nothing could ever compare with the outpouring of love I have received and you know what, it's pretty freaking amazing. And humbling. I don't really know what I ever did to deserve so much love and kindness in my life…and I hope you all know that I don't take it for granted for a moment. I know I am the luckiest girl and I am so thankful to have such wonderful people in my life. You guys are truly the best!

And I do have to say a big thank you to E for taking care of me these past few days. I know it hasn't been easy and it was probably way more than he expected. It is amazing having someone in my life to take on all of this and not complain once. And trust me, I can be quite whiney when I am in pain. I know I am not an easy person to put up with so I think he deserves a round of applause and probably some kind of medal of honor or something. That man is a saint.

I have a bunch of pictures of me pre-op but I think I will hold off on sharing until I have some post-op to share which won't be until 12/24. I will remain in these bandages and binder with these two drains until the 24th. Then my surgeon will remove the binder, the bandages, and one (if not both) of the drains. Then I will be able to shower! Yay! The binder will stay for a month though. And then after that it will be spanx for a year. I am guessing I will adjust to both although right now it seems kind of like a year of medieval torture. But in the end, it will be worth it.

So tonight I will leave you with two things:

This amazing song my friend Kelly wrote for me (actually she wrote two, maybe I will share the other one in the next post)

Today's song -- Sing to "Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!" 

Oh, my surgery was so frightful
But the results are so delightful
And I’ll be rockin’ an awesome bod
Head to toe! Head to toe! Head to toe!

Though it doesn’t show, I’m all stapled
But I’m far from being disabled
It’s time to get outta here
Lemme go! Lemme go! Lemme go!

I may have been slightly bitchy
‘Cuz the food was oh so icky
But I’ll be feelin’ good soon enough…
Gimme drugs! Gimme drugs! Gimme drugs!

Bridge:

When I finally leave Sacred Heart
How I’ll love to eat vegan again
So doctor please set me free
So I can get food in these veins!

Oh, the morphine has long worn off
But the itching is really tough
I could really use a change of clothes
And a bath! And a bath! And a bath!

The day is slowly breaking
And my tummy’s really aching
I'm craving quinoa and beer...
Lemme go! Lemme go! Lemme go!

And some ridiculous pictures of me before and after surgery…

It's a tiara!!!

Pretty delirious but I was still able to eat a popsicle…priorities….

I'm awake??? Who took this picture anyway??? Seems kind of mean… ;)

Sitting at the table…almost back to normal, just two days post-op

Thanks again for being here with me…every step of the way. 

So for tonight I say…

thank you

i love you

you rock!

Love and hugs,

    Always,

          Dacia 

Surgery Update

Warning: my brain is so scattered right now so I am guessing this post will be, too.

I am just under 48 hours out from my surgery and I am getting pretty anxious, to say the least. I feel like I still have a lot to do beforehand (cooking, cleaning, laundry, packing, Christmas things) and very little time to do it all in. I know it will all get done because I am neurotic like that and will sacrifice sleep (and a bit of my sanity) in order to focus on my to-do list.

Trust me, I know there are a lot of things I could not do beforehand in order to make these last couple of days a bit more relaxing but that’s just not me. I would rather be a bit crazy for two or three days in order to be able to focus solely on my recovery for the following two weeks.

I know I could buy a lot of packaged/processed convenience foods and live off of those for the week or two I am not able to cook for myself but I really don’t want to. I am undergoing something that will be a pretty big impact on my body. My body will be working hard to fight off infections, to repair itself, to heal, and I need to be giving it the best and most nutrient dense foods I can in order to help it along in the process. I honestly believe that what I choose to eat (coupled with following doctor’s orders regarding movement and rest) will help make my recovery easier and faster. This means cooking/freezing a couple weeks’ worth of lunches and dinners ahead of time. That was my focus last night and will be today and tomorrow after work.

Another thing I wanted to do prior to the surgery was to finish Christmas shopping, wrap all my Christmas gifts and write out (and mail, if needed) all my Christmas cards. I know this is not a necessity. I am pretty sure that anyone in my life whom to which I would give a present or a card to would be 100% ok with not getting either given the circumstances. I know gifts/cards are not expected from me. However, I love Christmas. I love being able to express my feelings of love and gratitude to those around me and I didn’t want this surgery to stand in the way of that. Sadly, last night I ran out of Christmas cards and was a bit bummed because I didn’t get through everyone on my list. Thankfully my friend, the one who is taking care of me over the next two weeks, volunteered to write Christmas cards for me if I were to buy more. So…if you receive a card from me but it is in someone else’s handwriting you’ll know why.

Today will be a pretty busy day. Work, quick stop (is there such a thing?) at Target during my lunch break, work, pick up prescriptions, cook, package up prepared food, clean, laundry and packing. Oh and Christmas cards (I plan on buying more at Target) if I have the time.

Tomorrow is almost as busy; work, lunchtime appointment at the surgeon’s office for my markings, work, visit with the pups (since it will be awhile before I am able to see them again), then home to finish packing, packaging up all the rest of the meals I made ahead of time, and final bit of cleaning. I won’t be staying in my apartment for a few weeks so I want to make sure all the trash is taken out, the apartment is clean, and everything I will need to have with me is packed.

Wednesday will be; up at 430a, 6am arrival at the hospital, 9am surgery, then recovery with a 23 hour watch which means I may or may not spend the night in the hospital. That’s for the doctors/nurses to determine after. The surgery should take approximately four hours. So sometime early to mid-afternoon (don’t forget, I am on central time) I should be out and in the recovery room resting. My friend will have my cellphone. I put him in charge of three things; social media (Facebook updates plus responses to any tweets, messages, etc.), text messages and phone calls. So, if you want to check in on me at any time Wednesday or throughout the week please use one of those three methods. At some point I will try to blog and let you all know I am ok and how things are going but I make no promises as to when that will be. It will be as soon as I can string together some words in a coherent manner.

I guess that is about it for now. I don’t plan on writing anything tomorrow so until the next time…

Love and hugs and many holiday wishes-

Dacia

Being Fat...

I don’t know why it was like this or how I ever had these thoughts fill my head.

I don’t know if I ever realized how much my weight affected my perception of myself until now.

I remember back a few months, speaking with a friend about how Paul was always there for me- even when I got really fat and how he never made me feel badly about my weight or how I looked- and how shitty I felt now because he had the decency to stick with me through all those ‘fat years’ and now I was leaving him.

This friend turned and said to me- ‘you may not see this now, but one day you will look back on all this and realize that your weight is the least significant thing about you. And that staying with Paul solely because he loved you while you were fat would be insane.’

I didn’t understand that when he said it. I honestly thought he didn’t see it from my side, he couldn’t understand my point of view on this topic.

But recently it has started to click. Why did I, and sadly some days continue to, value my self-worth by my weight?

I am pretty sure that somewhere in the back of my mind there is a part of me that saw myself as having less value as a human because I was fat.

Maybe I never came right out and said “I’m fat and therefore I am not deserving of love” (although I think I probably have said some variation of that phrase before) but I know I felt I didn’t deserve a normal life; friends, a good job, a loving family because I was fat.

I didn’t think that any ‘fit/healthy/skinny/pretty’ girl would ever meet me (once I was fat) and want to be my friend. Why would they? I was disgusting (that’s my own personal dialogue- probably most people aren’t that cruel) and they would be embarrassed to be seen with me. OR there was the whole ‘my parents are disappointed in me because I am fat’ OR ‘my boss will never promote me because he/she thinks I am a lazy POS since I am so fat’

Ok, I know, that sounds severe. And ultimately the truth is that it wasn’t being fat that made me feel that way, it was my inability to love myself that did. I think sometimes about this question- did I hate myself because I was fat or was becoming morbidly obese a byproduct of my personal hate?

That’s something I am not sure I will ever know that answer to.

I can tell you this, though, I found my self-love when I weighed 260 pounds and I firmly believe that is the only reason I am here today- at a healthy weight. When I figured out how to love myself for the person I am I was able to make my health, my well being (mentally and spiritually) and my life my priority. I was able to start making decisions that allowed me to live the life I always wanted. I became friends with skinny/healthy/fit/pretty girls. I recognized my parents love and concern for my health came only from a genuine and kind place. I had/have more confidence at work, in my abilities. I realized that I am fucking awesome regardless of what size package I came in.

I wanted to be healthy. I wanted to be active. I wanted to live a long life so I knew I needed to change my habits and take better care of myself.

But I can honestly say that being skinnier/healthier would not have changed my perception of myself if I still had all the hate and self-loathing in my heart. I firmly believe that you can hate yourself so much that you can get yourself skinny (or fit or whatever word you'd like me to use here) but if you never find your value as a human being you will just fall back into old habits/ways.

This is why I think it is really important to focus on ourselves as a whole; our mind, body, heart, and soul. Our value in life is not, nor should it be, determined by our weight.

I am smart.

I am funny.

I am kind.

I am loving to a fault.

I am a really good person, friend, daughter, and partner.

I was all of those things at 286 pounds but in my head I was just a fat person and I would never be more than just a fat person.

And it kills me when I think back on how being ‘just a fat person’ guided my life. I had no self-worth. I was a doormat. I let others treat me like shit and I treated myself like shit too.

And that sucks.

It sucks that I wasted so many years letting those feelings dictate how I lived my life. Sadly, I can't go back in time and fix that. I can only learn from that portion of my life and use it to help guide me towards the person I am working to be.

I am smart, funny, kind and loving. I recognize those qualities which make me a good person. And I love myself because of them. Not all the time, every day but enough to know that I am worth every dream, every aspiration, all the love and joy and happiness, all the friendship and the family.

 I am worth it all.

And you are too.

And I hope no matter who you are, no matter your size, shape, or color that you recognize that your value as a human being comes not from your outward appearances but from the kindness in your soul and the love in your heart. Good people are good people. Period. End of story.

Love yourself today and every day and I promise to do the same.

Love and hugs and more love-

Dacia

It was cold in New Orleans this weekend...

Moving On...

Just wanted to check in with you after yesterday’s sobering post….

Today I am doing pretty well, believe it or not. Closure is definitely a good thing. My friend A and I were out to dinner last night and she told me how with divorce you cycle through the five stages of grief/loss since we react to divorce in a similar fashion to death. I thought about this a lot and I agree with her- I definitely went through those five stages.

I think that at first (for the last few months actually) I was in denial about the whole thing. Not that I was denying the fact that the divorce was imminent but that by trying to maintain a friendship with Paul and keep him in my life (because honestly I thought that was the best thing for us both) I was denying myself the right to move on, to turn the page or end the chapter or whatever metaphor you deem fitting. I was totally in denial of what divorce actually meant, what it really would be like.

Then, like a freight train, I entered into the anger stage on Monday and that went straight into Tuesday. I admit, I said a lot of unkind things to Paul. There were definitely times when I let my emotions take over me and the words, well they just kept coming. I just couldn’t turn it off. He took everything I said with a grain of salt, too, but that’s probably because he had acted the same way towards me at many points so he knew to be understanding.

The bargaining phase… well I think that one was short lived. I tried to reason to myself that if we could just get through this then ultimately we could remain a part of each other’s lives or if I just give him space/kindness/compassion/friendship/time/whatever then in the end he wouldn’t resent me or worse yet, hate me. But I can’t bargain for those things. It is what it is- I cannot control what will happen tomorrow or ten years from now. I can only accept this situation for what it is and move on.

When the anger was gone and I knew I couldn’t bargain with him for the outcome I desired well that’s when the depression set in. Depression is such a strong word though. I prefer to say sadness. I was really sad. For the first time I really felt just overcome with sadness. It was over, the marriage was over (which of course I knew) and going forward we would no longer be a part of each other’s world. That made me very sad knowing he was no longer going to be a phone call away. Sad that we wouldn't continue to share each others stories and life events. That we would stop being important and meaningful to each other. So, I cried. The ugly kind of crying…at work…just sitting there, hunched over my laptop crying my eyes out. I had to retreat to the bathroom where I hid in a stall and just let all the tears come, sobbing sounds and all. I cried and cried until it set in…until I reached acceptance.

Acceptance is what allowed me to say my goodbyes. To write yesterday’s post. To turn the page and end that chapter of my life. There is no more story of Paul and Dacia. It is over. Yes, writing that makes me sad, as it probably should, but only because there is a lot of history and memories I am leaving behind. That’s kind of a big deal. But yesterday, I laid them all to rest. I made my peace and now I move on.

Today is a new day, a fresh start and of course a blank page.

I don’t know what the future holds for me but I am not afraid.

Today I am excited to start writing my story, my next chapter. I cannot tell you how it all ends but I can tell you this- it is going to be AWESOME!

Also, I cannot thank you all enough for all the kind words and lovely sentiments I received yesterday. The outpouring was a bit overwhelming. It is because of you that I know my life has purpose and meaning and how I know it will be greater than I ever imagined possible.

Love and hugs and deep heartfelt thanks,

Dacia  

Saw this armadillo on my walk this afternoon....see you just never know where the day will take you...

Goodbye...

Today I said goodbye.

I wish I could say it was easy; that we came to this agreement civilly and amicably but we didn’t. Unfortunately there was a lot of pain involved. Hurtful words and actions. Lies and deceit on both sides. All of it unintentional. All of it still hard to deal with.

Paul and I are not perfect. We have tried, although not always successfully, to work through this divorce in the best way possible- as friends. Unfortunately that was just not realistic anymore. By staying friends we were not giving each other the space we needed to heal and move on. By staying friends we hovered in relationship limbo that neither one of us belonged in. By staying friends each of us had to sacrifice a part of ourselves that we shouldn’t have. Now we know.

Now we move on.

January 16^th is the date and it is right around the corner.

Until then we go our separate ways. I get set visitation times/days with the dogs and of course if we see each other in town we will be cordial and polite. Beyond that…well that’s not in the cards for us now. And maybe it won’t ever be.

Maybe the scars left behind are too deep.

Maybe the memories left behind are too painful.

Who knows? I certainly don’t and I don’t want to waste my time worrying about the what-ifs, you know? I can only accept that this is how it needs to be and move on.

So, today I wanted to take a minute to say goodbye in the way I should, a proper farewell. Who knows if Paul will ever read this but even if he doesn’t it is still something I need to say.

I need to say thank you for being my friend. For always supporting me and encouraging me.

Thank you for loving me when I couldn’t even love myself.

Thank you for always making me feel beautiful even when all I could see was an ugly, fat mess.

Thank you for Ruby and Maggie and keeping them now when I can’t. They are two of the most important parts of my life and I hope one day that they can live with me again.

Thank you for being a good friend; for watching all the Harry Potter movies and reading the Hunger Games books, for eating countless vegan concoctions (and only complaining a little bit) and drinking lots of craft beers with me.

Thank you for the mornings when you made me my lunch when I was running late (this happened frequently) and for knowing which clothes went in the dryer and which clothes had to be hung to dry.

Thank you for walking the dogs at 430a every day and for giving me a break since that was my job while you were gone.

Thank you for vegan s’mores, 30 presents on my 30^th birthday, for campfires and concerts.

Thank you for Florida, New Jersey, Ohio, Washington, Texas and Florida again.

Thank you for the Fiat because you wanted me to be safe.

Thank you for always holding my purse when we shopped.

Thank you for always telling me I looked nice, even when I didn’t and of course waiting for an hour while I tried to figure out what I wanted to wear.

Thank you for knowing my favorite band, my favorite food, my favorite beer, my favorite flower, and my favorite movie. I know you knew them all.

Thank you for grocery shopping when I felt sick. For attempting to follow recipes.  For knowing how to soak almonds and how to use a nut milk bag. Thank you for knowing all the kooky stuff I did and not making me feel bad or different because of it.

Thank you for listening to countless hours spent talking about my blog/fitbloggin’/my blog friends. Thanks for meeting them and embracing them and their stories the way you did with mine.

Thank you for helping me undress when I got shat on by like 30 birds. That was a mess.

Thank you for holidays and birthdays and Wednesdays - every day we spent together.

Thank you for being proud of me and always telling me so.

Thank you for college and grad school. Thank you for late nights and early mornings.

Thank you for being there at the finish line.

Thank you for being my friend, my lover, and my better half.

I will never forget these last ten years and I will try my absolute best to never let the bad memories eclipse the good, because I know there are far more good ones. And those are the ones that count.

I hope you have an amazing life, Paul, filled with love and happiness and someone who can give you everything I couldn’t.

Because at the end of the day, I just want you to be happy.

Goodbye and take care-

Dacia

Broken Windows

Have you read/heard about the broken windows theory? A few weeks ago I was having a discussion with friends when this topic came up. I hadn’t heard about it until just recently but here is an explanation of it from the Wikipedia page:

“Consider a building with a few broken windows. If the windows are not repaired, the tendency is for vandals to break a few more windows. Eventually, they may even break into the building, and if it's unoccupied, perhaps become squatters or light fires inside.

Or consider a pavement. Some litter accumulates. Soon, more litter accumulates. Eventually, people even start leaving bags of refuse from take-out restaurants there or even break into cars.”

As it was explained to me, the general concept of this theory, my friend began to talk about what were her ‘broken windows’- the things in her life that could trigger further undesirable behaviors. For example; eating one ‘bad’ meal and using it as an excuse to make poor eating choices all day/week because of it.  You know, the whole well ‘the day/my diet/my point allowance is already ruined’ mindset that so easily takes over our minds after indulgences. I know I have felt that way, especially around the holidays…taking seconds or thirds during Thanksgiving dinner, feeling like I just went way out of control with my food choices, and then letting those decisions impact how I eat later that day and the following day and possibly even the week or entire holiday season. There have definitely been years where I spent the entire stretch between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day just not giving a shit about my eating choices. You know, because it’s the holidays and that’s what you do…

For me, the holidays, and the food choices I made during them, used to be my broken window. Thankfully, that mindset has changed and now taking seconds on Thanksgiving doesn’t trigger additional ‘bad’ behavior food or otherwise. And in case you were curious, yes I did have seconds on Thanksgiving and even the day after when I ate leftovers. And I don’t regret that decision at all. I made sure to eat a lot of fresh fruits and veggies, drink soymilk, eat a filling a nutritious breakfast – just make the best choices I could throughout the day- to ‘counteract’ those indulgences. And that worked. But only because I have taken away the power food once had over me.

And that’s a really big deal for me. Living a life feeling guilty about what I ate and why was not fun. I am thankful for gaining control over those thoughts and behaviors.

However, that doesn’t mean I still don’t have broken windows.

I do.

Nowadays, I am more likely to get sucked into the chaos of…chaos and let it pull me down. If the state of my affairs is overwhelming, then I will feel overwhelmed. The person I am now needs order in my life to be successful. I wasn’t always this way (ok, I probably was but never recognized it) but messiness, clutter, disorganization in my home can easily send me spiraling off course. Not saying that I am a neat freak, because I am not, but when a few items left to be washed in my sink turns into an entire sink worth of dirty dishes well then, the rest of my life kind of falls by the wayside too. Laundry piles up, I don’t make the best food choices (because I don’t have anything clean to cook with), I skip the gym (because I don’t have anything clean to wear) and my old TV/couch potato ways set in. And then, once in full blown couch potato mode, it’s really hard to push myself back into my normal routine. I literally have to dig myself out of the chaos I created. It’s not easy.

And because I know how quickly things can spiral out of control I try really hard to stay on top of my life, to keep it (somewhat) in order, and what needs to be done to do so. That means laundry and grocery shopping/meal planning weekly, kitchen (at minimum dishes)/general apartment clean up daily-when home, and setting realistic goals for being active/working out. This also means making time for schoolwork so I don’t fall behind- which of course makes me feel overwhelmed. And since  schoolwork trumps almost everything,  if I don’t stay on top of it means I will sacrifice workouts, cleaning, or cooking meals at home to make time for school, which albeit it at times necessary  is not really a good thing.

So this holiday season, as I prepare more for the time I will spend out of work recovering from my surgery versus the actual holiday itself, I will need to make sure I put my life in order so that way I don’t fall into the broken window spiral.

 I owe it to myself to do so.

 I have worked too hard not to.

Plus, if I know what my broken window is why wouldn’t I do everything in my power to fix it?

What is your broken window? What changes have you made to help repair it?

Today...

Today I am thankful…

First and foremost I am thankful to be on this earth another day and I hope that feeling of gratefulness for being alive never dulls. Because, truly, life is a gift and it is one I do not want to squander.

Today I am also thankful for…

My parents- who have always encouraged to me to chase my dreams. Who never set limits. Who honestly believed me when I said I would be the first female president. I am so lucky to have two wonderful role models to have taught me ‘everything I know’. Thank you for giving me a wonderful life. Thank you for always being proud. Thank you for always seeing the best in me.

My friends- who have always made me feel loved and cared for every day of my life. Friends of all ages, shapes, and sizes whom are woven into this amazing tapestry I call my life. Friends who give me courage to fight and a shoulder to cry on, hugs and love and heart-felt belly laughs. Friends who have taught me I am so much stronger than I ever thought possible. Thank you for making me brave. Thank you for making this life amazing!

My co-workers- who make every day a pleasure to be at work. So many smiles and stories. So much caring and fun. I am so fortunate to work with some of the most amazing people. I hope to never take this for granted…because a having a great job really makes my life so much easier and so much happier. Thank you for making my workday amazing which in turn makes my life pretty damn amazing!

My health- which makes me able to actively live my life. Long gone are all the nagging health issues, the painful joints, and the days of getting winded just climbing a flight of stairs. Today I give thanks for a healthy body and mind, endurance and strength, and of course the ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound…wait….that’s not me. Ok, but the other stuff is and for that I am thankful.

My home- and not necessarily my little apartment per se (although I do love my little place) but that fact that I have a home. I have a roof over my head and food on the table every day. I have heat, and more importantly in Florida, I have air conditioning. I have a little car that takes me to and from work and all around town. I have my bikes. I have a bed and pillows and a blanket. I want for nothing. And I am guessing if you are reading this then you are probably in the same position as me (re: you have a home and food on the table) so let’s all just take pause and give thanks for that. Give thanks that we have all our basic human needs plus more. We are so very lucky.

My life- for which I am blessed with a pretty great one, if I do say so myself. My life is not the life I had a few years ago or even a few months ago but heck if it isn’t more than I ever dreamed possible. I am so lucky to be able to love and in turn be loved every day. I am so lucky to be able to set goals and achieve them, to imagine the craziest of dreams and watch them come true. I am thankful for all the people in my life, old and new, who have gotten me to where I am today. I am not alone on this journey, I never have been, and I hope you recognize that when I give thanks for this life that you are the reason I am able to be here today doing so. I love you all so very much. Thank you for making my little story something fantastic.

Yes, tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I plan on spending a lot of time reflecting on all of the things mentioned above, plus more I’m sure, that I have to be thankful for. But I hope that I can carry this feeling of overwhelming gratefulness forward, past Thanksgiving, past Christmas, and into my everyday non-holiday life where it belongs. Because what are we if not a reflection of those we surround ourselves with? And me, I am just a reflection of you and for that I am thankful. Your awesomeness makes me awesome. Your love makes me both loving and lovable. Your kindness and compassion makes me strive to be kind and compassionate all the days of my life.

So, here’s to you- my friends, my loves, my soulmates- THANK YOU!

Happy Thanksgiving/Hanukkah!

Love and hugs-

Dacia

 

CHEERS!!!