Thursday, December 3, 2015

My Little Devil

Yesterday I shared a password protected post from which I received a lot of feedback, surprisingly. If you’d like to read it just ask and I will send you the password. Although the post was mostly me just venting about stuff that’s been on my mind I was happy to see I was not alone. A friend of mine messaged me after she read it and I wanted to share our conversation because I feel like so many can relate.

J: I feel the exact same way. I was just talking to a friend of mine. I’m so damn sick of thinking about food, making good choices, getting activity, water levels, why I’m doing certain things, blah, blah, blah. But I feel like I’ll never get to not think about it. 

Me: yeah, it's tough. You want to care but not obsess but you also don't want to be complacent but you also don't want to overdo it but you also need to relax and be normal but then this is your normal and this normal is obnoxious so you care less and then you get complacent and then you freak out because you have gotten complacent and so you obsess....and on and on and on....

Me: not to be all doomsday

J: haha no, it’s just the truth! And that’s just the thinking, then you actually have to DO things!

Me: YESSSS....doing the things. Always a battle in my mind. Couch vs gym...bed vs pavement. Never just is. It is always think think think dissect plan think more

J: I'm glad I'm not the only one. It's nice to know that.

Are you this way too? As much as I know I am healthier and feel better when I am being active and making good diet choices it is still always a battle. I mean, I am lucky and being active and eating healthy win out most days but seriously COMFORT > DISCOMFORT. It will always be harder to get out of a warm bed at 5a to go run than it is to stay and sleep, no matter how much I love to run. I will always have to talk myself into going to the gym after work because going home and sitting on the couch will always sound better, even when I know I will feel a million times better if I choose the former over the latter. Which is why I go

This is just my truth…

Pizza and beer will always sound better than salad and water

Snuggling on the couch watching TV will always sound better than the gym

Sleeping in on Saturday morning will always sound better than getting up hours before dawn to run so many miles that an ice bath is required afterwards

Comfort always sounds better…ALWAYS

I mean come on, that’s why there are yoga work pants now. Seriously, if I could wear leggings to work every day I would. I like comfort. Who doesn’t?

But that doesn’t mean I choose comfort all day, every day. I just can’t. Because I know that if I did I would end up back where I started which was a rough place to be. All that comfort brought me to a place where I was super limited by my weight and my body was taking a huge toll because of it.

I know I have to make the tough choices every day because those are what allow me to be healthy, active and, for once, happy.

Yeah, I still eat pizza, drink beer, watch TV, and sleep in. But not every day. Most days it’s salad, gym, and early mornings. And that’s ok. It’s actually the best way for me to live.

That being said, don’t take my actions to mean that I don’t constantly have to think about my decisions. Or fight that little devil on my shoulder telling me to have another beer, skip the gym or stay in bed. That little monster was conditioned on my prior laziness and he fights me every day. Some days I want him to win, some days I give in and some days I can quiet him. But he never goes away.

And because I think some (maybe most) of you can relate I just wanted to share this with you.

These pretty accurately represent my devil and angel...LOL

Love and hugs,