Monday, June 8, 2015


I am ready to move into the next phase of my life…or at least, I should say, I am ready for my next mental shift. It has been coming for some time as it is something I feel I have been working towards for a while. And I think I am there….or at least pretty damn close.

I am ready to just be.

Let me say that again….I AM READY TO JUST BE

I am ready for that point where it stops being about the choices I ‘have to’ make in order to maintain my health and weight loss and shift that mindset to these are the choices I simply just make in order to do so.

Meaning…no more feelings of resentment or dislike or distaste for the routine and the lifestyle I have to lead, especially when at times I am doing so in order to live up to (false) expectations. And with that I also need to let go of the guilt I feel for making decisions that go against what I believe others expect of me.

It’s time to just be me.

No apologies. No excuses. No explanations.

Just me.

I wrote a few months ago about wanting to just be normal and my friend responded to that post stating that (I’m paraphrasing here) that this life is my normal. My habits and actions and all the thought (or sometimes lack thereof) I put into the decisions I make is my normal. Long gone are those days where I lived with reckless abandon to consequences of the choices I was making. That life was my old normal but it was far from the healthy normal I craved.

My life now requires more thought and sometimes more focus and usually a lot more planning (when can I make it to the gym? will cornhole league conflict with yoga class? do I have enough oats to make it to the end of the week? etc.) and that is NORMAL. Normal for me, at least.

And I get that now.

And I love my new normal.

No, it’s not always easy. And no, every part of it doesn’t come naturally to me yet but it will. And if it doesn’t that won’t stop me from continuing to live this way.

And understanding and accepting that should make it easier to just be.

So here it is, this is what needs to happen. I need to let go of what I think is expected of me. No more getting mentally bogged down in the numbers (no scale obsession) or the tracking or what I should be eating or how I should be exercising. No more letting what others are doing negatively impact my life or at the least, change how I am living my life. No more thinking that “normal” life is any different that my actual life. No more of this absurd belief that anyone out there besides myself really has expectations for how I live and present my life.

And most importantly- no more trying to fix my flaws and cover up my imperfections. Those are what make me the person I am. And that person is fucking awesome.

Now it is time to just be her for a while.

Love and hugs,