I sometimes get a bit caught up in someone else’s drama when
I really have no reason or right to be involved.
Let me explain.
Controversial topics/discussions can bring out the best and
worst of humanity. And for some reason, on some days, I just love to read about
what everyone has to say. Case in point: the whole Brooke v Shape magazine
story. I read what seems like every blog, article, and media post about this
story. Because I love Brooke, she is awesome.
But then, then sometimes I would do something quite idiotic
and read everyone’s comments on said posts.
Which is frustrating as hell when you are completely on one
person’s side and think their opinion is valid and right and get annoyed when
others don’t see it that same way. Logical, right?
I know better that I should just back away from the
comments. But no, like a moth to the flame I am drawn to them. Even when I am
getting more flustered and angered and disappointed, I still read.
But in the midst of all the extremely positive supportive
words (thankfully most comments are) and extremely negative and hateful words
there always seems to be at least one comment that is neutral. And thought-
provoking. And brings light to another issue not being discussed.
In this case it seems like we are viewing this topic as if there are only two
sides.
We see one side of the coin being:
·
Shame on mainstream media for making me feel
like my body is flawed/gross/unacceptable/disgusting/unattractive
And the flipside:
·
Shame on those fighting mainstream media for
telling me what is and is not beautiful and cutting me down for not agreeing
with them
But what about this point? The one that a lot of folks seem
to be missing:
·
Why is either side fighting to continue
associating beauty with outward appearances???
Why in 2014 are we still fighting over body image and body
perception and body shame?
Why are we not advocating for beauty being kindness, warmth,
lovingness, caring, strength, generosity, grace, friendship, loyalty,
intelligence, courage, tenacity?
When will we all recognize the importance of being a good
person over being a good looking person?
I want people to read my story and be inspired. Or
encouraged. Or motivated. Or hopeful.
Rather than someone see my picture and feel that way.
Or not.
And then fight about it. And fight about what I stand for as
a human being because of some idea they have conjured up.
All based off of a stupid picture that could never capture anything close to the essence that
makes me the BEAUTIFUL person that I am.
So, if you ask me- Brooke is beautiful. And I have always
felt that way.
But not because she is thin or fit or because she has long
hair or because she looks great in a bikini. But because she is kind and funny
and strong and loving and supportive and a million other things that make her a
great person and a great friend.
To me, there will always be three groups caught up in this
issue; those fighting to keep the beauty industry thriving, those fighting
against the ideals that industry perpetuates, and those trying to step away
from both.
I have been a part of the first two groups as both a willing
participant and not.
But I would much rather be a part of the last. Helping to
move beyond the notion that personal beauty is something we can quantify by
weight, height, and measurements or something we can capture with a camera lens.
But more so beauty being a quality one possesses because of their actions and behaviors.
That seems like a kinder, gentler, more loving world. A world where comments about a photograph
might not be quite as hurtful or brash.
Yeah, call me a hippie (I totally know I am) but really?
Wouldn’t you want to live in this world?
Love and hugs,
Dacia
xoxoxox
I'm not sure I understand. Who is the second group of people? If I follow your logic, the three groups are:
ReplyDeleteBeauty is defined by physical characteristics and the media makes that definition.
Beauty is defined by physical characteristics and the media image is wrong.
Beauty is defined by your character and who you are as a person.
I know very few people that fall into group 2.
Maybe this topic is why I feel a bit guilty FOR LOSING THE WEIGHT. I go out and do speaking tours about how wonderful I feel having lost the weight. I make people feel inadequate in their own lives. Shouldn't I have been firmly camped in group 3, said I won't accept being told I am not beautiful at 300+ pounds and fought the power? I know MANY in the HAES community that feel betrayed by successful weight losers because we have gone closer to the media definition of beauty to make our lives easier. If we really believed that beauty is defined by how loving and caring a person you are, why did you lose the weight? Some will say health reasons, but health reasons is rarely motivation enough. I understand why the HAES people feel betrayed, and yes, I do at times feel like I am doing a disservice to those that are overweight simply by existing.
I say the second group is people like Brooke standing up to mainstream media preaching acceptance of all body types, not just those body types pictured in mainstream media. I think there are more and more people fighting to showcase all body types these days, which is a good thing.
DeleteI lost weight, first and foremost, because I didn't want to die young. I didn't want to be sick and unhealthy and limited by my weight anymore. I don't think I thought that I wanted to lose weight to be beautiful but I think that is because I was past the point of being concerned with vanity and more concerned with not dying.
I think you can totally think beauty is defined by actions and behaviors and still want to lose weight to be healthy and active and confident. I don't see an issue because we are talking about Beauty and Health which are two separate topics.
You can be healthy (at whatever size) and still be an ugly person. You can be beautiful and completely unhealthy. And changing one of those won't necessarily change or even affect the other. That's how I see it at least.
I was almost late for my flight yesterday as I was sitting pondering this rather than packing my suitcase.
ReplyDeleteAs I was waiting at the airport, I came across this:
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/embrace/embrace-the-documentary-that-will-create-global-ch
And I'd be lying if I said it didn't disturb me. Not the number of women that dislike their bodies. But just how much of the movie producer's head space is dedicated to what her body looks like. Even now. She says she loves her body and I'll accept that at face value; but should that even be in our heads? A group of us were recently challenged to write down 30 things we like about ourselves and while it took me a month, I got it done. And I realized when I hit number 30, not a single one was a physical characteristic. Which was a shocking observation given that I spent so many years despising myself for being 350 pounds.
I still think there is significant overlap in your #2 and #3. I doubt Brooke would disagree with your contention that true human beauty comes from the soul. But she obviously also believes that people should be happy in the skin they are in. They are not mutually exclusive positions. But what I got from the "Embrace" video was that some people are having their soul eclipsed by the physical. When our self worth is being defined by what we look like in front of a mirror rather than our contribution to society and what we are doing to alleviate suffering .... then there is a problem.