I have been having a rough time with this injury. Some days I feel great and others…well not so much. I was at Thai Yoga therapy yesterday and was talking to Tricia about it. I told her how I had a great run on Sunday but then I had a hard time with intervals Tuesday morning. I said I wasn’t sure if the issue I was facing was physical or mental. You see, I was having a really hard time pushing myself to run faster during my intervals and I didn’t know if it was because the injury was limiting my ability or if I was holding back because mentally I am afraid of making the injury worse. Does that make sense?
I am guessing it is a bit of both. I still have some lingering pain and range of motion issues and those are physical. But I am also 100% certain that there is a part of me afraid to really push it right now. Call me overly cautious but I just don’t feel healthy and the last thing I want to do is make matters worse.
I’ve also noticed that I can’t fight the lingering anguish from the half last month. That day diminished any self confidence I had at all in my abilities and I have yet to do anything since that helped build it back up. I am hoping that Sunday’s long run will give me a confidence boost because without it I am feeling quite hopeless.
I have never really had an injury like this before, never been in a situation where I am torn between training and races and feeling weak and trying to build strength and losing my patience and not wanting to force myself back into it too quickly. It’s quite the mess in my headspace right now.
But I do think I am doing what is best for my body and I do know that one day I will gain my confidence back. I just don’t know when that will be. So, until then I will just keep on truckin’.
Have you been sidelined from an injury before? How did you handle the mental side of it? How did you get your confidence back?
I haven't had an injury (yet) but I completely understand the physical vs mental issue. Keep at it and your confidence will come back. I think you're doing great!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jodi! I appreciate your support. I know I will get there- it's the waiting that's the hard part :)
DeleteIt takes time. I have found for me that I have to let myself feel like I have hit rock bottom emotionally before I can build back my confidence. Usually, that feeling coincides with when I'm able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's also easy to forget that soft tissue injuries take a lot longer to heal and a lot more patience to work through it. It's not like you can suddenly stop using your joking until you are better. I think that is really where the frustration comes from, and then grows when you start to feel better but the injury just hangs on. I'm on my third time going through this now with my knee. Trying to stay positive that you will heal helps, but don't forget reality of what you are able to do so that you don't reinjure. For me that has meant asking for help from others (hiring someone to now the lawn or to help with standard house cleaning stuff) so that I have the time and energy to focus on what I need to take care of my injury the best that I can.
ReplyDeleteThe fear is a whole other thing. After I healed from a cartilage tear in my wrist (required surgery) I was so afraid of having to go through all of that mess again. My hand and wrist did not work like it used to either. I was outright afraid to try to do a lot of things for fear I couldn't do it, that I would get hurt again, or that my body wasn't ready for me to do the activity again. It took about a year of arguing with myself (in my head of course) to get the courage to let myself fail at something or not do it well. It takes changing the mindset from I'm not sure if I am able to do something to I'm going to try and have a good time no matter how it turns out. By all means though, still have some caution and listen to your body. Since starting to try, I can do so many things the doctors told me I wouldn't be able to do... I'm now a licensed motorcycle driver, I can do yoga ( not always well, but it is fun), put my hand flat on the floor and put my body weight on it(both were on the list of never can do it). Those are just a couple of the things. It's taken about 2 years of hard work to have been able to do those things, but it can be overcome. Celebrate when you can do something you weren't sure of before (be proud of your half time, you could have let your fear keep you from trying at all and know you will do better in the next one). I've found the celebrations, in whatever form really help me build my confidence.
It takes time. I have found for me that I have to let myself feel like I have hit rock bottom emotionally before I can build back my confidence. Usually, that feeling coincides with when I'm able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's also easy to forget that soft tissue injuries take a lot longer to heal and a lot more patience to work through it. It's not like you can suddenly stop using your joking until you are better. I think that is really where the frustration comes from, and then grows when you start to feel better but the injury just hangs on. I'm on my third time going through this now with my knee. Trying to stay positive that you will heal helps, but don't forget reality of what you are able to do so that you don't reinjure. For me that has meant asking for help from others (hiring someone to now the lawn or to help with standard house cleaning stuff) so that I have the time and energy to focus on what I need to take care of my injury the best that I can.
ReplyDeleteThe fear is a whole other thing. After I healed from a cartilage tear in my wrist (required surgery) I was so afraid of having to go through all of that mess again. My hand and wrist did not work like it used to either. I was outright afraid to try to do a lot of things for fear I couldn't do it, that I would get hurt again, or that my body wasn't ready for me to do the activity again. It took about a year of arguing with myself (in my head of course) to get the courage to let myself fail at something or not do it well. It takes changing the mindset from I'm not sure if I am able to do something to I'm going to try and have a good time no matter how it turns out. By all means though, still have some caution and listen to your body. Since starting to try, I can do so many things the doctors told me I wouldn't be able to do... I'm now a licensed motorcycle driver, I can do yoga ( not always well, but it is fun), put my hand flat on the floor and put my body weight on it(both were on the list of never can do it). Those are just a couple of the things. It's taken about 2 years of hard work to have been able to do those things, but it can be overcome. Celebrate when you can do something you weren't sure of before (be proud of your half time, you could have let your fear keep you from trying at all and know you will do better in the next one). I've found the celebrations, in whatever form really help me build my confidence.
It takes time. I have found for me that I have to let myself feel like I have hit rock bottom emotionally before I can build back my confidence. Usually, that feeling coincides with when I'm able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's also easy to forget that soft tissue injuries take a lot longer to heal and a lot more patience to work through it. It's not like you can suddenly stop using your joking until you are better. I think that is really where the frustration comes from, and then grows when you start to feel better but the injury just hangs on. I'm on my third time going through this now with my knee. Trying to stay positive that you will heal helps, but don't forget reality of what you are able to do so that you don't reinjure. For me that has meant asking for help from others (hiring someone to now the lawn or to help with standard house cleaning stuff) so that I have the time and energy to focus on what I need to take care of my injury the best that I can.
ReplyDeleteThe fear is a whole other thing. After I healed from a cartilage tear in my wrist (required surgery) I was so afraid of having to go through all of that mess again. My hand and wrist did not work like it used to either. I was outright afraid to try to do a lot of things for fear I couldn't do it, that I would get hurt again, or that my body wasn't ready for me to do the activity again. It took about a year of arguing with myself (in my head of course) to get the courage to let myself fail at something or not do it well. It takes changing the mindset from I'm not sure if I am able to do something to I'm going to try and have a good time no matter how it turns out. By all means though, still have some caution and listen to your body. Since starting to try, I can do so many things the doctors told me I wouldn't be able to do... I'm now a licensed motorcycle driver, I can do yoga ( not always well, but it is fun), put my hand flat on the floor and put my body weight on it(both were on the list of never can do it). Those are just a couple of the things. It's taken about 2 years of hard work to have been able to do those things, but it can be overcome. Celebrate when you can do something you weren't sure of before (be proud of your half time, you could have let your fear keep you from trying at all and know you will do better in the next one). I've found the celebrations, in whatever form really help me build my confidence.