Mic Check...Is This Thing On?

Wow! It has certainly been awhile, huh? (I won't tell you that it took me 10 minutes to figure out how to log into my Blogger account. SMDH)

Let me take a minute to wipe off some of the dust that gathered on this ole bloggy blog and then we can get started.

The last we saw each other I was celebrating my five year blogiversary by apparently never blogging again. LOL! I have not written a new post in over a year, and yes the last post was my 5 year post. Kind of weird, right?

Maybe from the outside, yes. But something big happened just a few weeks after my 5 year post that changed my life completely. In early March 2016 I signed up to become a consultant with LuLaRoe (super amazing clothes that helped me to feel comfortable in my skin and find my self-confidence) which on the surface seems like maybe not too big of a deal, right? It’s just direct sales- no big deal, right? Nope, it is a huge undertaking that I have spent 40+ hours a week on top of my full time job and still working on my doctorate running this new business.

I was (and still am) ridiculously busy. It’s a lot. At least, a lot for me.

We (Erick and I- he is pretty much my business partner in LuLaRoe) live our life with no margins. (See post here: http://carlabirnberg.com/2017/04/10/the-importance-of-living-with-margins/) We have said no to so many life events, passed up on spending time with friends, no vacations, just work, work, work 95% of the time. *We do try to take 12 hours to ourselves on the weekend when we can although I am still always connected and never really ‘off’. I am not complaining, I love my business, but I can say with certainty that I did not know exactly how time consuming this would be when I signed up.

And of course, you can probably guess what else has been sacrificed over the past year- our eating and exercise habits. Long gone were the days where I would make every meal from scratch and in its place is junk food/ convenience foods I can make super quick before I need to get back to work. Our gym routine went out the window early on as working every night made it impossible to get up early to hit the gym. Sleep has been complete crap too.

And then, late last August/early September I hurt my hip and back and that made that whole terrible lifestyle situation even worse. A tear in my superior labrum and bursitis in my hip, coupled with degenerative disc disease and bugling discs which created a mess with my sciatica, I got to the point where I could barely even move my right leg.

Doctors, steroids, Orthopedist, Chiropractor, physical therapy, more steroids and after months and months of pain, extremely limited activity and terrible side effects from the steroids I am FINALLY finished with PT and meds (well, only as needed) and am cleared for light activity. Yay!!!

So why am I telling you all this? Because this past year has really changed my life to the point where I don’t even recognize myself. And I don’t just mean that because I have gained weight (which I have, a whopping 50 lbs in one year!) I mean that the person I was, and worked so hard to become, the one that loves to be active, eat well to fuel her body, and focuses on taking care of her mental well being- seems to be gone. Or maybe just buried.

After a rough start in March where I found myself on antibiotics and feeling like a hot mess, I finally started to take some action and control back in my life. Right now, for April, I am focusing on daily, weekly, and monthly goals that are slightly challenging yet still doable. I am using the Goal Digger tracking sheet from Brooke’s blog (Link: http://brookenotonadiet.com/2014/07/11/goal-digger-free-printable/).  I tack my steps and sleep on my Garmin, my water intake on the Plant Nanny app and am even trying to move back to food tracking using My Fitness Pal.

Week one for April was pretty good and I am hoping week two will be even better. I have also started meditating at night. I am trying to work my way up to making that a daily habit. My exercise right now is mainly walking but I am hoping to start a 3 week yoga program in the next couple weeks. I also bought a fitness trampoline for some low impact exercise. AND once I close up my LuLaRoe shop (more on that some other time) I want to get back into weekly bike rides like we used to go on every weekend. I am trying to slowly re-introduce things and not try to take it too fast because I really, really, really don’t want to reinjure myself. So I am definitely baby stepping back into fitness.

Meal planning has been going really well and I love having time again to cook every day. I am really looking forward to summer and grilling out a lot. We tend to eat more lighter foods in the hotter temps and it is really helpful when I am trying to not overindulge too much.

Oh, and I am also doing a self-care challenge in my LuLaRoe group for the month of April and taking time each day to focus on me...it is such an amazing feeling. A daily self-care routine was very much needed! 

I have so much I want to talk about right now but I don’t want to make this post any longer than it already is. But I really hope to get back into a blogging routine. I need the accountability. It was so amazingly helpful the first time around. And right now I am trying so hard to fall back on the good habits that got me to a 130 lb weight loss. I know it’s not starting over, but honestly some days it does feel that way. I just keep telling myself- it’s not a new book, just a new chapter.

xoxox

Dacia 

Mental Health Monday: Anxiety

Welcome to Mental Health Monday!  This idea was born from a session at Fitbloggin' 15 led by Steph (of Athlete at Heart) and Liz (of Prior Fat Girl) on Depression, Anxiety and Healthy Living.  Every 1st and 3rd Monday one of those wonderful ladies will host a link up for others to share their experiences with mental illness – either from personal experience or from the experience of helping and walking with others. The goal is to reach out to the world and let people know they are not alone in their struggles.  You are never alone.  Join in– link up, visit new blogs, support others.  Speak out:  “I am crazy…CRAZY AWESOME!”  (You are welcome to use the badge below!)

For my first post in the Mental Health Monday link up I want to talk about an issue I struggle with – anxiety. If you have been reading this blog for a while then you probably know that mental illness (in many forms) is something I am familiar with and it is something I discuss openly and honestly in an effort to help remove the stigma. For today, I want to talk about the mental illness that affects me in my everyday life. Although my anxiety has gotten better over the years, it is still something I struggle with. And I want to talk about it because, just like everything else I share here, it is a part of what makes me, me. 

I am not sure I come across this way but maybe you think that I have my shit together all the time. Maybe you think because I have a happy life and am always up to something new and exciting that my life is perfect. But it’s not. I mean, seriously, no one’s life is perfect. And although I really don’t have much I can complain about and yes, for the most part, things are pretty awesome I am still a human. I still have problems. I still have to actively focus of my health, wellbeing and state of mind or shit can go south pretty quickly.

And even on the happiest of days when I am off to spend time with family or friends or E and doing something I love anxiety still can creep its way in. I feel it. I can sense when it is coming. I do know how to control it- but executing/maintaining control isn’t always easy. Life gets in the way, you know what I mean?

Anywho- my point is there are still times when I have panic attacks “for no reason at all”. I used quotes there because to an outsider that’s what it might look like- me freaking out for no reason. But I assure you, that is not the case. Not that I am saying that every panic attack I have had was caused by some mega important stressor or trigger….most likely it wasn’t. Honestly the things that trigger my attacks would probably seem insignificant to most but to me they seem HUGE. Knowing what those triggers are helps, knowing how to calm myself down helps, having someone to talk me through it helps…but those coping methods aren’t 100% fail proof. I can still have a full blown panic attack even when I am doing/saying all of the right things.

That’s me.

That’s the illness.

I can be better and do better and try harder and educate others but it is still there. And sometimes it wins.

What helps?

Being 37 and having dealt with it for a very long time. I have definitely ‘grown into’ my illness.

Talking openly about it and having support around me that can help me through. I am no longer embarrassed about it and know well enough (most times) to ask for help when I need it.

Understanding triggers and working to lessen their frequency. A lot of the stress in my life is stress I put on myself. I sometimes set high expectations for myself and that causes me a lot of unnecessary worry. I know now that if I am going to set these goals and expectations that I also need to know how to balance out that stress/worry so it won’t feel so overwhelming.

Taking care of myself. Not overloading. Asking for help. Meditation or something that quiets the mind. Exercise. SELF CARE! All of these help mitigate stress in my life. Happy mind, happy body, happy Dacia.

But maybe most importantly….

Accepting that sometimes anxiety will win the fight. But knowing that I am strong enough to win the battle.

I hope you will join me in the Mental Health Monday link up. If you feel comfortable, please post something on the first and third Monday of each month and help us remove the dark cloud the stigma of mental illness has us hiding behind. If you participate in this week's posting Liz has the linkup on her page: Prior Fat Girl so be sure to share yours there :)

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxox