If someone would have told me 4 years ago that one I day I
would be training for half marathons, triathlons and Ragnar Relays I would have
laughed, thinking they were out of their mind.
You see, four years ago I weighed close to 300 pounds. An
annual trip to my primary care physician lead to a hard conversation in which I
was told I needed to lose at least 100 pounds. My doctor didn’t sugar coat that
harsh reality. In fact she was mean about. She made me cry. She had a personal
vendetta against fat people and all she wanted to do was to make me feel bad. She
was just so cruel.
Well, at least in my head she was like that- when I replayed
that visit over and over again. Her words did not serve as motivation to lose
weight but instead fueled some kind of hatred towards anyone that didn’t accept
me as is. I didn’t want anything to do
with people that judged me because of my size. I was perfect. I was healthy. I
was absolutely fine. That doctor was wrong.
Except for the fact that she wasn’t.
Not that I don’t agree
with the ideals behind health at every size and body acceptance- because I do. Those
were at the base of the false identity I had created for myself- the belief
that I was a healthy obese person (because those people really do exist) and
that I accepted myself as is. I lived in a quasi-happy delusion that I was ok.
I was in denial.
I was not healthy and I truly did not accept myself. There
was no self-love. If anything there was pain and disgust and shame for the
person I had let myself become. And as
far as my health goes, I was just biding my time before the medical diagnosis
for some weight related illnesses came pouring in. The path I was on- it was
inevitable.
It took some time, about four months or so, before I finally
had my ‘Ah-ha’ moment though. It took me hitting rock bottom and finally waking
up to the realization that I had not taken any accountability for my weight or
my health. I had turned into this person leading a restricted, sad life all
because I expected others to change things for me. Or worse, blamed them for
leading me to that point. I had no ownership of my life. Nothing was my fault.
Until that moment when I realized I did, and it was.
That is when everything changed.
Was it easy? No and yes. Definitely not at first. As is a pretty typical reaction to one deciding
they want to lose weight I turned to extreme behaviors- too few calories, too
much of too intense activity- actions that were not sustainable for a girl
weighing 286 pounds that hadn’t left her couch in years other to go to work.
It didn’t take long to realize I needed a new plan. A
Dacia-specific plan. And so I experimented and tried new things. I was really
unfit so I chose to do the only thing I could do- walk. I walked and walked and
walked. And it hurt. Walking at 286 pounds was painful.
I changed up my diet, just ever so slightly at first, and
put the focus on portion sizes and moderation. I did what I could within the
limits of my body and my knowledge of food and nutrition.
I lost 5 pounds, then ten pounds, and then pretty soon I had
lost nearly thirty pounds and started to gain some confidence. I continued
walking but then began to branch out to riding a recumbent bike, using the
weight machines at the gym, taking yoga classes, and then I pushed myself way
outside of my comfort zone and started boxing. It was so tough. But I loved
every minute of it.
As the pounds came off and I started to become more active,
I started to more closely examine my diet (as in the food I was eating) to try
and understand what foods were good for my body. I started food journaling. I
really tried to focus on the affects food had on my body energy level wise,
sleep, digestive, etc. I really tried to switch my focus from living to eat to
eating to live. Or, more accurately, eating to live an active lifestyle.
Running didn’t happen for me until I had lost about 110
pounds. I did not use running to lose weight and, honestly, I never really
thought I would become a runner. In January 2012, about a year into my WLJ, I
decided to see if I could run a mile. I was getting close to a healthy weight
and I was very active so why not try it and see. Well, I ran that mile and it
sucked. But that feeling of accomplishment- it was amazing. It propelled me to
decide to train for a 5K. Which I did. I ran the whole thing, too. And guess
what? It sucked. I felt accomplished because I set out to achieve a goal and I
did but it sucked. Running just plain ole sucked. So I decided then I was done
with running. No mas. I was going to go back to Nia and Yoga and Pilates and
boxing and all the other fun things I did.
Except for the fact that I (foolishly, but also
fortuitously) had signed up for another 5K before I had even completed the
first. And not wanting to waste money I decided to give the 5K another shot.
And this time around…it didn’t suck.
So I kept going. Running more frequently and further
distances. Racing, training, racing, training. All of the sudden, I loved it.
And of course, I still did/do other things. I love cycling and yoga. I absolutely
love group fitness classes. But running, well, there is nothing quite like it.
And this year, after taking almost 6 months off from training due to surgery (a
story for another time), I have returned to running inspired by this team. This
amazing team of people who are the epitome of hard work and perseverance,
strength and beauty, kindness and compassion. This amazing team that I am so
lucky to be a part of. This amazing team that I will get to live out my dream
of running a Ragnar with. Is anything better?
So, in short (I kid), my name is Dacia. I used to be really
fat. I lost a lot of weight by taking care of myself the way I should have all
along. Because of this everything in my life has changed for the better.
And next May, I will get the opportunity to run down my
dream…
Some of the pics to be displayed on the team website
April 2011
December 2012
July 2008
May 2014
Love and hugs,
Dacia
xoxoxoxox
