Mid-Month Update: May edition

On Friday, May 5^th I closed up my LuLaRoe shop and as of today I am officially no longer a LuLaRoe consultant. Phew, what a weight off my shoulders. Not that I didn't love being a consultant, I did. It just took every bit of my energy and free time (and non-free time too) to do it. Erick and I had not had a weekend off since we started this a year ago. Even the few times we traveled over the last 12 months were for work. So yeah, we are both EXHAUSTED and in need for a serious change in our lifestyle.

And this big change couldn’t have come at a better time as we are just a couple weeks away from putting our house on the market and we still have so much left to do! But we have definitely made progress and we think (hope) we will get it all finished in time.

The permits for our new home have all been filed and we are just waiting to meet with the contractor. Sometime in the next couple of weeks construction will begin on our new home and I am sooooo excited. It’s been 9 weeks since we signed the contract and we have been anxiously awaiting the build process to start. We visit the site every week and take pictures of the progress. Which, as of right now, is just the lot has been cleared, dirt has been brought in and leveled and that is it. But still, all of that has been super exciting for us. We cannot wait for fall to move into our new home. EEEK!!!

In other big news....I started seeing a therapist last week. She commended me on already utilizing the healthy habits she encourages her patients to use; mediation, activity (even light activity, 20-30 mins 4-5 times a week), and socialization. I have spent the past year just working, working, working and all of the things she mentioned were practically nonexistent in my life – which was probably why my stress levels were through the roof. One of the first things I did as soon as I knew I would be closing up shop was to start planning social events and activities with my friends because I felt like that was an area I had really neglected and there was so much I wanted to be doing. I am so excited to be making plans and spending time with my friends again. It seemed like others were really interested in doing more things together too so we even created our own little FB group where we share events and make plans together. It is awesome! 

I think I may have mentioned previously that I have started to incorporate meditation into my daily routine. I have been using the Calm app on my iPhone and I just love it! At night Erick and I listen to the sleep stories in bed. It is so calming…the app is very aptly named ;)  I also found a 2 hour meditation class this week and signed up for that as well. I really want to build my meditation practice up so it becomes an everyday part of my life. I have found myself much more focused and far less stressed on the days I am able to meditate.

Meditation came to me when I needed something to help save me from a complete nervous breakdown. I am not an expert or even yet a regular practitioner but I am already feeling the benefits of incorporating it into my life. It is seriously so amazing how something as simple as 10 minutes a day set aside to focus on clearing your mind and stopping all the busy around you can have a huge impact on your mental well-being. It’s great.

And of course activity…I will admit there are days where I am still heartbroken over my diagnosis and the fact that I will never be a runner again. That is/was a hard pill to swallow. BUT I have really started to find activity that I can do and love and that has brought me such happiness. I am finally feeling comfortable with light activity after many months of not being able to do anything except for PT and PT recommended stretches. Last week I started a 3 week yoga program (through Beachbody, so it is all at home stuff) and have completed the first week of that. I actually took a real in person class on Saturday morning. I found this event on Facebook for Yoga 4a Cause to raise money to help end human trafficking and they were having a yoga class on the outfield of our local baseball stadium. I wasn’t sure I would be able to do much or any of it but I went anyway because I wanted the experience and time with friends. It ended up being a fabulous class and I was able to do most of it without modifications. It made me feel comfortable enough to sign up for a couple beginners classes this week so in addition to the yoga at home I will be taking a Wednesday night class and a Saturday morning class.  I am really excited for both!

I am very thankful that yoga is in my life  again. I am happy to have something to be passionate about and that makes me feel alive and energized. For the first time in a very long time, I am starting to feel like me again. And I wouldn't trade that feeling for anything...

xoxox,

Dacia

Today *the original title was too long

Aside from taking care of my sick puppy and then scraping the heck out of my heel on some brick, I was having an awesome morning. I had an appointment to see my chiropractor at 730a so I am feeling pretty great right now. Plus, he is just the nicest guy so I always enjoy my time there. Thursday’s are usually very stressful days for me – they are almost always the busiest work day of the week and then when I am home I am usually swamped with LuLaRoe party stuff. That means I usually end up going to bed much, much later than my norm and waking up much, much earlier on Friday- to take care of business stuff -before I leave for work. During a typical week I pretty much feel a little more exhausted every day from working during the day and night every day and by the time Saturday hits I am a full on zombie. If I am lucky, my body will let me sleep in on Sunday but usually my internal clock has a different idea.

For the past few weeks, as we are starting to prepare to close up our LuLaRoe shop, we have been able to step back a bit and make a little more time for ourselves. Did I tell you why are we closing our business? We are in the process of getting ready to put our house on the market because we have a contract down on a new build home that should be ready sometime this fall. 

We knew that once our house was on the market (hopefully by June 1) we would not be able to run our LuLaRoe business again until we were settled into our new home later this year. It would be a logistical nightmare to try and make it work so we made the difficult decision to close. The close may be temporary, or it may be permanent- we still don’t know for sure. But I am trying not to stress about that. Or the 1,000 pieces of clothing I need to sell before we list our home. Or what this means for my LuLaRoe group and the connection I have made with some of the most amazing women. I am trying to not stress over any of that.

Which you know that means I am absolutely stressed over all of it.

Which is why I am trying to get into a daily meditation routine and am practicing daily self-care acts.

It’s also why I am trying to eat better and be more active.

And why I am trying to spend more time with friends and Erick and have a ‘normal’ life again.

Now more than ever I need to control the things in my life that are controllable and try to NOT STRESS over the ones that are not.

So today I am going to start something I hope to be able to do weekly- a ‘what I am going to do to take care of  myself today’ post.

Today I will:

1.       Take a walk out in the beautiful sun during my lunch break and literally stop and smell the flowers

2.       Stand at my desk (I now have a variable height desk, post injury) for a total of 4 hours

3.       Eat an amazingly yummy and healthy dinner with Erick and NOT have my phone out at the table (which is pretty hard to do when you run an online business)

4.       Jump on my fitness trampoline for 20 minutes

5.       Meditate

6.       And most importantly (and the most difficult)- I WILL NOT STRESS EAT!!!

Those are my six goals for today to help me feel good about myself, find balance between work and self-care, and end the day on a positive note.

What are you doing for yourself today?

xoxox

Dacia

Why Now?

Is it weird to come back to blogging in a time where blogs are kind of a thing of the past? Are blogs a thing of the past? I hear it is all about microblogging now. I really don’t know what that means- small blogs is my best guess. LOL!

Honestly, it’s ok if no one reads this.

My main goals is just to write.

I never really expected anyone to read my blog posts for the five years prior so now isn’t really any different.

I just need to write again.

Why?

Because a) it’s kind of unfair to Erick to have me dump every thought and emotion on him solely all the time. Poor guy, I am sure he misses me writing too. So reason A is really that I need another outlet.

But the main reason, I guess reason B, is that even though I have an outlet (and I am sure I have more outlets than just the hubs but sometimes I suck at communicating the hard stuff) there is still so much I have been burying inside. And when I do that it’s only me stuck with those thoughts. Those thoughts, which could be perfectly harmless had I just said them to someone else and had a normal conversation about them (or wrote about them in my blog), then turn to damaging thoughts.

Because those hidden thoughts and emotions had time to fester they’ve turned from something maybe a little negative to something off the charts negative. I have spent far too much time over this past year telling myself I was a failure. That I was disgusting. That I was not good enough. And you know what happened? I started to believe that.

I lost hope in myself.

I conceded.

I believed that was that and I was just destined to go back to that person I was six years ago. That girl that sat on the sidelines and passively watched her life pass her by.

I lost my identity.

And I gave up.

For months and months I just gave up. I was broken. I would never heal. I would never be that girl that ran back to back half marathons or finished a triathlon or would ride 50 miles on her bike just for fun. That girl was gone and she wasn’t coming back. And I had no fucking clue how to process that.

I don’t know what happened to bring me there or when I hit my breaking point but rock bottom came and that familiar feeling- that one I felt 6 years ago when I started this ‘journey’- hit me like a ton of bricks.

I didn’t give up six years ago. And I won’t give up now.

Life is so much more than race medals. I cannot run and I will probably never run again. But I am so much more than that.

And I can do so much more than that.

I just have to get there.

Baby steps.

Just like 6 years ago.

Baby steps.

I need this now the same way I needed it then. I need an outlet. I need a space to share everything. And  I need to be able to tell myself that I will be ok. I will get stronger and healthier, I will change my life again. And if I keep telling myself enough times I know I will start to believe it.

Baby steps.

xoxox,

Dacia

My Little Devil

Yesterday I shared a password protected post from which I received a lot of feedback, surprisingly. If you’d like to read it just ask and I will send you the password. Although the post was mostly me just venting about stuff that’s been on my mind I was happy to see I was not alone. A friend of mine messaged me after she read it and I wanted to share our conversation because I feel like so many can relate.

J: I feel the exact same way. I was just talking to a friend of mine. I’m so damn sick of thinking about food, making good choices, getting activity, water levels, why I’m doing certain things, blah, blah, blah. But I feel like I’ll never get to not think about it. 

Me: yeah, it's tough. You want to care but not obsess but you also don't want to be complacent but you also don't want to overdo it but you also need to relax and be normal but then this is your normal and this normal is obnoxious so you care less and then you get complacent and then you freak out because you have gotten complacent and so you obsess....and on and on and on....

Me: not to be all doomsday

J: haha no, it’s just the truth! And that’s just the thinking, then you actually have to DO things!

Me: YESSSS....doing the things. Always a battle in my mind. Couch vs gym...bed vs pavement. Never just is. It is always think think think dissect plan think more

J: I'm glad I'm not the only one. It's nice to know that.

Are you this way too? As much as I know I am healthier and feel better when I am being active and making good diet choices it is still always a battle. I mean, I am lucky and being active and eating healthy win out most days but seriously COMFORT > DISCOMFORT. It will always be harder to get out of a warm bed at 5a to go run than it is to stay and sleep, no matter how much I love to run. I will always have to talk myself into going to the gym after work because going home and sitting on the couch will always sound better, even when I know I will feel a million times better if I choose the former over the latter. Which is why I go

This is just my truth…

Pizza and beer will always sound better than salad and water

Snuggling on the couch watching TV will always sound better than the gym

Sleeping in on Saturday morning will always sound better than getting up hours before dawn to run so many miles that an ice bath is required afterwards

Comfort always sounds better…ALWAYS

I mean come on, that’s why there are yoga work pants now. Seriously, if I could wear leggings to work every day I would. I like comfort. Who doesn’t?

But that doesn’t mean I choose comfort all day, every day. I just can’t. Because I know that if I did I would end up back where I started which was a rough place to be. All that comfort brought me to a place where I was super limited by my weight and my body was taking a huge toll because of it.

I know I have to make the tough choices every day because those are what allow me to be healthy, active and, for once, happy.

Yeah, I still eat pizza, drink beer, watch TV, and sleep in. But not every day. Most days it’s salad, gym, and early mornings. And that’s ok. It’s actually the best way for me to live.

That being said, don’t take my actions to mean that I don’t constantly have to think about my decisions. Or fight that little devil on my shoulder telling me to have another beer, skip the gym or stay in bed. That little monster was conditioned on my prior laziness and he fights me every day. Some days I want him to win, some days I give in and some days I can quiet him. But he never goes away.

And because I think some (maybe most) of you can relate I just wanted to share this with you.

These pretty accurately represent my devil and angel...LOL

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxox

It's the 4 Week Countdown!

I’m leaving in 4 weeks for my honeymoon. We’ll be spending 2 weeks in Cabo. It’s going to be amazeballs. When we get back we will be heading out again to spend the rest of the holiday with E’s family so we will pretty much be gone for three weeks. I can’t believe it, it is going to be the absolute best way to close out the most amazing year!

But I am nervous, though. Not gonna lie. I am worried that I am sliding into the vacation mindset already and I still have a month before it is here. I need to switch back into weight loss mode. I need to keep paying attention to my choices, I need to bring back mindfulness into my life.

So I decided I needed a challenge – something to help keep me motivated and moving these next four weeks. I really wanted to do Brooke’s Skinny Snowman Challenge but since I will be out of the country for a big chunk of it (during which I will be completely disconnected from social media) I thought it better to come up with something I can start right now. Even if it is just me participating.

However, I am still using Brooke as my inspiration for this challenge since I am going to steal use her Goal Digger chart to track my goals. You can download your own copy here of the free printable. The way Brooke set it up is you have daily, weekly, and monthly goals. This is perfect for me to help bring back that focus to weight loss during the holiday/end of semester/about to vacation madness.

My month (well, four weeks actually) will start tomorrow, Saturday, November 14^th and run through Friday, December 11^th- the day before we leave for Cabo. Perfect timing, right?

My goals for these next four weeks are:

Daily

Track every day- WW and MFP

Hit step goal – determined by Garmin, based on average movement

At least 7 hours sleep a night

Follow meal plan for the day

Weekly

Workout 5 times/week (minimum 30 minutes)

Drinkend ONLY (no beer except on the weekend- exception being Thanksgiving)

80/20 with meals (limited to 4 meals out a week)

Write weekly WW post for accountability

Monthly

Lose 5 pounds

Follow HM training plan (starts 11/23)

Attend 2 yoga and/or fitness classes

Ok, so now I am all set with my goals. I know I can bring back some focus and mindfulness if I just make the choices that will help me to achieve these goals. I think this is exactly what I need for the next four weeks- recommitting to myself; my journey and my health.

Want to join me? Let me know in the comments if you will be participating too. J

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxoxox

Serendipity...Sort Of

I’ve been getting hit in the face lately with a lot of truth bombs. It’s that whole serendipity thing, but not in a fortuitous way. The universe is speaking to me and it is telling me I’m not fooling anyone.

The other night I read (in the most random crime short story from the 90’s) a passage where the author, talking about drug addiction, wrote:

"Sometimes a man quits trusting his strengths and starts trusting his weaknesses. His weaknesses are more apt to be dependable"

Yeah, that blew my mind.

Then I was reading this post from Andie Mitchell over at CanYou Stay for Dinner and she was talking about goals and making big changes that are impactful and when I got to this part:

"Sometimes when we feel stuck, any movement feels good. And while it’s true that doing something is better than nothing, we can trick ourselves into thinking we’re making progress when we aren’t doing anything meaningful. When we’re just doing the minimum and checking the small projects off of our To Do lists every day, at a certain point we have to stop and ask ourselves, Am I growing? Am I moving toward my goals…or am I just getting by?"

I was floored.

TRUTH! 

SO. MUCH. TRUTH.

And it felt like a roundhouse kick to the head.

I always am talking about small changes, something being better than nothing. Heck, I love the whole idea of #wycwyc (what you can, when you can) because it works into my self-proclaimed crazy, busy life. But is it helping me?

I mean it has to be. Something is always better than nothing, right? 

But...

Am I growing?

Am I progressing?

Am I moving towards my goals?  

Jeez, some days I don’t know.

I know that on any given day I can look over the choices I have made and find those that could have been better and those that could have been worse. I mean, hell I preach constantly about balance and 80/20 and never engaging in extreme behaviors. But it’s a fine line, right, between balance and complacency? And I have to stop for a minute and ask myself - am I coasting?

Am I trying to fool myself into believing I am doing enough?

Or worse yet…

Am I starting to trust my weaknesses more so than my strengths?

That’s so easy to do.

So how do I know? I mean seriously though, how can I honestly know I am taking meaningful actions in my life that are helping me reach my goals? 

Am I just following the path of least resistance?

Maybe it shouldn’t be this easy

Or should it?

I wish I knew. 

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxox

Balance

Balance…I talk about that concept frequently. I guess if I had a theme word (is that a thing?) it would have to be balance. I kind of feel like my whole journey, the essence of my life, is to find, and maintain, balance.

Funny that a quick Google search for 'balance' brought up this image of tree pose. This was the pose I posted on IG this morning for my PAD Challenge today. This is my favorite pose and it is at the heart of this entire blog. So fitting for today's post. See my photo here  (Photo shown from tinybuddha.com)

Balance not just between all the must-do’s and the want-to-do’s and the should-do’s but balance in everything. Balance between the mental and physical, between motion and rest, between childlike optimism and adult like pessimism (realism).

For me, it is all about balance.

Some days it’s a struggle. Some days there are far more must-do’s and should-do’s and not enough time left for the want-to-do’s. Meaning, some days adulting gets in the way of all the fun stuff. I think that is true for most everyone with a job/mortgage/kids/car payments (you get my point) and my point is not to say that I am any different than you or that my struggle is any different- it is not. At the core we all have responsibilities and we are all making sacrifices. It’s just the way it is.

I write this post more to talk about what I do to find the balance. That sounds funny right? Having to work to create balance? That seems like something that should come naturally, and maybe for some it does, but for me I have to work at it.

At the base of my normal day-to-day life, and even more so now when I am also wedding planning, there is a good amount of routine that helps keep things going. This routine stems from years of working on good habits. My routine is based around meal planning, preparing meals at home during the week and packing my breakfasts and lunches, scheduling time for activity, scheduling time for homework, and then penciling in the other weekly necessities such as grocery shopping/chores, time with E, Gordie and now M and any special events happening that week. I try to map out as much of my week as possible. For example, if I know that one night I will be out at an event during the week (Bernie Sanders volunteer meeting, tap takeover at the bar, etc) what will be my plan for dinner? When will I workout that day? What time do I need to be home? What time do I need to wake up the next morning?

Sounds like a lot right? It kind of is. Well, at least I should say that a lot of thought goes into how I plan my day. Ultimately by taking time to think about these things I feel better prepared and less stressed – which keeps me feeling balanced and in control.

That being said, I don’t plan every moment of my life out. That would be too rigid and too stressful. I always have chunks of time, even full days on the weekends, where I am open for anything- including doing nothing. Now most of the time E and I choose to spend our free time either out at the beach or downtown on our bikes but there are times where we just stay in and watch movies or Netflix- just vegging out. Both are really great options- even if the latter takes some convincing on my end. Does anyone else ever feel guilty for spending the day doing nothing? That happens to me a lot lately (just because I have so much going on with the wedding) but I do remind myself that downtime is not only a good thing, it’s a necessity.

I think in life it is all about understanding the long-term as well as the short-term when it comes to balance.

Eating a whole small pizza sounds good in theory and there are definitely times when that is exactly what I want to do. But the reality is that is an ‘in the moment’ feeling. I know that the better option is a few slices of pizza and a salad because I will feel better physically later and I also know it is a choice that supports my long term goals. This choice leaves me feeling better in the now and in the future. 

Hitting snooze ALWAYS sounds like a better option at 5am than getting up and working out (even though I love my morning workouts) because honestly what is better than a nice warm bed? Especially when it is super dark outside and no one is drill-sergeant style forcing me out of bed. But I know most every day, getting up and exercising will make me feel energized and ready to take on the day. There is nothing better to me than the feeling of accomplishing a goal before the sun even comes up. This choice leaves me feeling better in the now and in the future. 

On the flip side, it is also important for me to know when to take rest days (the body needs to heal and recover) and when to take time for self-care. When the to-do list is out of control I still need to make time for a hot bubble bath or some time with a good book. Being ‘ON’ all the time does nothing for my mood, my stress levels, and for the most part- doesn’t help make anything better. Trust me, I am seeing this a lot now as I am getting grumpier every day and the littlest of things have been setting me off. This is my signal to RETREAT! This is the time I really need to focus more on letting go, unwinding, and turning off that damn monkey mind. That choice will leave me feeling better in the now and in the future. 

Trust me- I’m working on this one. I know it is my biggest struggle right now so I am intentionally scheduling in self-care and relaxation each week now.  I have a whole day planned for Sunday that involves a ton of relaxing activities to help me get back in balance.

Sorry this post was such a brain dump. As you can see, I have had a lot on my mind lately. Writing is cathartic (when I make time for it) and helps me better focus as well as better relax. Weird how that works, right?

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxox

WW Weekly Weigh-In: Week 8 Recap

Week 8 back at WW is in the books and I have to say that last week definitely threw a few curve balls at me. I am in this frazzled mindset most days with wedding thoughts churning through my head almost non-stop. I have heard my friends talk about pregnancy brain (when they were pregnant obv) but I think there must also be bride brain. I mean, I know there is. I have it. My mind has turned into a sieve. I have to keep a notebook by me at all times because I know that when I thought pops into my head it won’t stay there for long. And the chances of me recalling said thought at a later time are minimal to non-existent. So I write them down.

Or text them.

Or email.

Or add them to a google doc.

Or whatever I need to do to track these fleeting thoughts.

It’s fun…

Thankfully I know this is all temporary and I am very, very hopeful that post-wedding life will go back to the normal stress level of balancing everything instead of this crazy stress level that wipes me out and fries my brain daily. I am ready for that to go.

Last week I set some goals and I did so/so with reaching them

Bike Rides with E (Sunday and Saturday)- Yep!

I wore this dress on our Saturday slow ride- it's from my first Stitch Fix and I love it so much! (don't mind the just out of the shower crazy hair) 

Train with M for Pensacola kids marathon- Yep!

Complete first week of HM training- I went 3 for 4 for my training. I missed Wednesday’s 4 miler when I opted to sleep in instead and move it to Thursday after work. Then on Thursday I stayed over an hour and a half later than my normal time so I canceled the run a second time. I thought about trying to make it up on Sunday but took a rest day instead. It happens. Lesson learned.

Gym with Anna twice- Yep!

Track every day (the good, bad, and the ugly)- YESSS!

Prep for yard sale weekend- Nope, not at all. Not only is everything still in boxes in the garage we had to postpone the garage sale (which we may end up canceling altogether) indefinitely since this is a bigger undertaking than we have the time for right now.

Get some stuff off the wedding to-do list- Yep! We spent a good bit of time this weekend doing wedding stuff. I actually had Erick cancel the massage he had planned for me in order to do wedding stuff instead. It sucks but that’s how life is right now.

Drink only Saturday and Tuesday- Kind of. I drank Saturday and Tuesday and then again on Saturday. Technically it’s a yes if you look at the literal sense of the goal but I did not plan to drink this past Saturday (the 5^th) and then ended up having three beers. It happens. I blame wedding stress.

90K steps or more- I would like to say yes but my vivofit kicked the bucket last Tuesday so I was without a means of tracking my step count for four days. I bought a replacement ( the vivofit 2.0) and am back at tracking my steps again J

So what did this crazy week look like on the scale…

Meh, a loss on 0.2 is really the same as maintaining which is ok. It's good actually. I was kind of surprised. Honestly, I wouldn’t have been shocked to see a gain so I guess I will take the loss and move on. The first three days of this week have been all over the place so honestly I am not too hopeful that I will maintain or lose this week. We’ll see.

Also didn’t set any goals last Friday (which is probably why the weekend was so out of control) so I will reuse some of what I had for last week.

For week 9 I plan to:

Complete week two of HM training

Train with M for the Pensacola Kids Marathon

Go to the gym twice with Anna

Track every day

90K steps or more

Try (TRY, TRY, TRY) to limit how much I drink at the Emerald Coast Beer Festival on Friday – this may be the last time I drink until the wedding. I need a respite.

Until next week….

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxoxox

Eat, Move, Love: FOOD

Heather, Thea and I hosted a small group discussion at Fitbloggin’ Denver this year called Eat, Move, Love: Finding Yourself without Losing Your Mind. The session went really well. And although we didn’t necessarily get to discuss all outlined bullet points behind the topic we still had an hour long session filled with great ideas, comments and feedback. I really enjoyed it and you can read a recap of it here.

But because this topic is so meaningful to me I wanted to pull the themes we based it around into a recurring blog post. Today’s theme will be:  food- getting educated about food without falling for the hype.

I should start off by saying that although the session was led by myself, Thea and Heather the opinions shared regarding topics I discuss here are my own. Not saying that Thea and Heather disagree, just saying that I am the only one contributing here.

FOOD

Ahhhh….food. Pretty much my favorite thing. I love eating and I love cooking. I even love growing my own food. Oh and did I mention I love eating.

But do I love food as much now as I did when I weighed nearly 300 pounds? Probably more so and I say that confidently. Why? Because now I understand the value of food. Now I not only eat for enjoyment but I eat for the health factor, too. I get pleasure from the actual eating process AND from how I feel afterwards.  That is one thing I did not have back in the day.

You see, in my previous lifestyle I ate a lot and I ate a lot often and I ate a lot often for many reasons. I loved cooking and would prepare decadent and rich foods that I would eat entirely too much of. I would become consumed by the flavors and the tastes and I could not control myself.  I ate when I was bored, you know mindless snacking in front of the TV hand-to-mouth on autopilot not even recognizing the volume of food I was ingesting or even if it tasted good. I ate to mask my feelings, so much more the larger I got. I ate my sadness and shame and hurt and anger. And then I ate my happiness, too. Every celebration was cause for dinner out and drinks, of course. I honestly don’t know how I didn’t weigh more than I had.

But here I am over four years later and I guess what? I still love food. That is something that losing 130 pounds didn’t change. But like I noted earlier was that what did change was my perception towards food. Now, I am not here to tell you to be like me and follow a plant-based diet. I am not here to tell you what is ‘good’ and what is ‘bad’. That’s not my place, frankly it isn’t anyone’s place to tell you what you should or should not eat. That is entirely up for you to decide given your access to food, ability to cook vs needing convenient options, and of course the resources you have. Now, I will say that I think it is important to educate yourself about options and alternatives. Make sure you are able to determine some of the better choices available that can meet your dietary needs. Also, become an expert at knowing your body and how it processes the food that you eat. Understand how diet plays a part of your goals and needs and try to make the best choices to support them.

I used to primarily eat for the sensory feelings I had during the process.  I was all about how I felt in the moment and what I could eat that would help heighten or dull. I didn’t ever really think about the aftermath and I don’t just mean weight gain. I never saw food as a drug or as a medicine. I never thought about the damage my choices were doing internally and I never really even considered that the foods I was eating were responsible for my moods, my IBS, or my lethargy (to name a few). I was purely an in the moment kind of gal. And it was literally killing me.

But then as I started to work on losing weight and changing my habits I started to become more concerned with nutrition, health, recovery, sleep, mental health, and through food journaling I started to find some foods that were working against me. I chose to adopt a vegan diet for one week- just as a test, a trial run based off a hunch- but something changed for me in that week. Well, a lot of things changed. And after that week I realized I needed to be more focused on food as my medicine, food as a way to heal my ailing body. But I knew I couldn’t stick with it (not just being a vegan but eating healthily with intention) if I didn’t enjoy the foods I was eating or if I felt deprived. I wanted to press forward in this evolution of my eating habits but I knew that I couldn’t stomach gross or bland foods day in and day out and I knew I couldn’t go very long cutting out foods entirely.

So my diet followed that path, and has for the most part, for four years now. I eat with intention. I recognize foods that make me feel crappy and try to avoid them. I think about the lifestyle I want to support and what I need to consume in order to do so. I also have to balance that with being a FT employee, FT student, planning a wedding and now being a Big Sister (you know Big Brothers/Big Sister) and knowing my time is some days limited. I need to rely on convenience foods but when I do I try to make the best choice I possibly can. Trust me, I like to cook and prefer to eat meals at home but I can only do so much. Sometimes (most times) buying soymilk is easier than making it. I just make sure to grab the unsweetened organic. Sometimes (most times) I want to have a sweet treat at night so I opt to keep dark chocolate on hand and pair it with some herbal tea for a decadent treat.

You see, I still eat/drink processed foods. I am not yet at the level of full pioneer hippie woman growing, harvesting and making everything I eat. I doubt I ever will be. I do the best I can with what I have. I have limited time and limited funds-I think most people can relate to that. So I say this to anyone looking to change, tweak, and overhaul their diet or to anyone feeling shitty because they can’t do ‘enough’ or they eat too much ‘crap’. Find what works for you, at a holistic level. Try to make choices that you both enjoy and still help support a healthy lifestyle. But don’t feel guilty for buying store-bought foods or relying on convenience foods when you need to. Just understand the difference between needing to or wanting to. And also know that there are tons of resources out there that will help you eat less processed, more whole foods on the cheap. There are even resources that will tell you which are the healthier options at fast food and sit down restaurants. Educate yourself. But also, make sure you are making food choices for the right reasons. Think about more than the now.  Choose with intention. Let food by thy medicine.

So my advice to you is this...

Try not to get caught up in the hype of new fad diets or food trends. Find foods you enjoy and are good for you and make them the staples of your diet. Try to eat whole foods when you can but if you have to opt for convenience make the best choice out of what's available. And know that every step you make with intention is a step in the right direction.

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxoxo

Mental Health Monday - Be Brave

Welcome to Mental Health Monday!  This idea was born from a session at Fitbloggin' 15 led by Steph (of Athlete at Heart) and Liz (of Prior Fat Girl) on Depression, Anxiety and Healthy Living.  Every 1st and 3rd Monday one of those wonderful ladies will host a link up for others to share their experiences with mental illness – either from personal experience or from the experience of helping and walking with others. The goal is to reach out to the world and let people know they are not alone in their struggles.  You are never alone.  Join in– link up, visit new blogs, support others.  Speak out:

 (You are welcome to use the badge below!)

This one is going to be a difficult post to write today because one of the big ways in which mental illness is currently affecting my life is through the pain of someone else. Someone in my family, someone I am unable to ask for permission to discuss this openly, is in a really bad place right now. Probably a place worse than you or I can even imagine. Her disease is the main reason she going through these horrible circumstances and right now, there is not much our family can do to help. All we can do is be there for her when her circumstances change.

I know, that’s so vague right?

You have no idea what I am talking about and are probably wondering why I am not doing more to help this person. All I can say is, there is nothing I can do currently and you will just have to believe me.

Why I write about this today is not to leave you in the dark but to share with you some of my feelings and experiences and ask for you to show kindness and understanding.

Trust me, I wish for nothing more to eliminate the pain and hardships brought into my life and the lives of others because of mental illness. It is not often discussed openly, or at least not in my eyes, and it is an area where I feel this country is lacking. From support for military transitioning home or suffering from PTSD, from mothers barely living with PPD, to anyone (any person from any race, age, social class) suffering silently with mental illness. We could be doing more.

When I was a kid I was ridiculed because of my mom’s illness. That was hard to understand. Heck, being that young I barely understood her illness myself. I was in no state to defend her. I couldn’t educate others about mental illness or even try teach others to empathize. I just took it their unkind words and felt ashamed and embarrassed because of her illness. 

Now as an adult, I want to talk about my experiences openly. It took me a long time to feel comfortable being honest about her illness and how it affected me as well as my dealings with depression and anxiety. It is hard to discuss now but not because I feel ashamed. Not in the slightest. But because those memories are painful. Some are buried deep, deep, deep down and may never resurface. But some have stayed with me every day. A constant reminder of who I am.

You see, I believe I made it to 37 years old because I had people in my life that were there for me as a child, to help me process my mother’s illness and to support and provide me with a happy environment during the worst of times. Also, I feel I made it this far (I won a battle many of my friends lost) because I had enough bravery inside to ask for help,  to talk about my emotions/feelings, or to try a push through when I was at my lowest, darkest times. I also had luck on my side to let me make it this far. And now I want to help others know they too can be brave, even when they doubt themselves, even when they don’t want to, they can.

I want people to know that their lives have value and meaning, influence and impact, and that they (no matter how much they doubt it) have a purpose. I want people to know that mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of and that help is out there. I want people to know that although we each feel pain and sadness differently, that at our core- we all still feel. We can relate to one another. I want people to know that they are never alone.

So today, I write this for anyone that needs to hear it (which isn’t that all of us?) – you are important, you are loved, please be brave enough to recognize that. And no matter what, help is always available and I plead to you to just be brave enough to ask.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline 800-273-8255

National Alliance on Mental Illness - Find Support or 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) 

To Write Love on Her Arms – Local Resources

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxox

If You Always Do What You've Always Done...

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” ~ Henry Ford

My former Weight Watcher leader used to say that to us all the time and I 100% agree.

Meaning if we keep doing what isn’t working it will keep not working. If you want different results you need to do things differently.

Which is why I rejoined Weight Watchers after a 3 year hiatus.

You see, my journey thus far has kind of looked like this:

-Tried to lose weight on my own by just changing what I eat/reduce calories- lost about ten pounds

-Joined WW at the encouragement of a friend and stayed on the program for a little over a year- lost 100 pounds

-Changed focus from weight loss to training as I began running and was building up to running a half marathon- lost 20+ more pounds and hit my ‘ideal weight’ based on nutritionists recommendation

-Continue running, training, taking on new challenges and maintaining weight loss up until my surgery in December of 2013

-Spent the entirety of 2014 rebuilding after two surgeries and once I was cleared I began running again. Did not focus on my weight at all, instead I focused just on trying to get back to where I was physically before the surgery. *I should note that I maintained a healthy weight range throughout the year and I even PR’d my half marathon time and finally got a sub 30 minute 5K PR.

-Early 2015 was all about getting ready for Ragnar in May. Between the HM in November and Ragnar in May I ran a total of 7 half marathons, 2 of which I ran back to back.  My late winter/early spring was all about running. So by the time Ragnar came I was completely burned out. I am not one of those people that could run every day. I am not a run-streaker person. I am a variety person. I need change to hold my interest. I was ready to start my running hiatus the minute I returned from MA and that I did.

-Spent a couple months post Ragnar just living life very unstructured. I worked out, some days. But there was a period in May to early June where I didn’t do much of anything. I even started to slip with my eating habits and my practice of 80/20 started to look more like 60/40…50/50…and the weight gain happened. Not much in the grand scheme of things, but enough to notice. And enough to be concerned given it happened in a very short period of time. Maybe 15 pounds between May to July. And I felt it. 

I tried to go back to calorie counting using MFP and get back into weight loss mode but I just couldn’t. It was a struggle. It just wasn't working. Or maybe I should say, I just wasn't working it. 

So I decided that I needed to do what worked for me before, Weight Watchers. Even though I do have a few gripes with the program and there really isn’t much difference between tracking points and tracking calories/macros in my opinion. But mentally, there seems to be a difference for me. WW worked before. I am not sure why- maybe the fact that I was paying for it helped keep me accountable. Maybe it was all the fun features with the app that I enjoyed. Who knows? But I am back at it and for now, for what I need, it is working.

I started back just over a month ago when I hit the 180’s for the first time since I left the 180’s years  ago. That number scared me. Not because it was higher than I would like, but because I felt like I had lost control. I needed to get my shit together and get back into the habits that keep me feeling good and keep my body healthy.

Tomorrow is my weigh in day so I cannot give you an exact number of what I have lost so far but as of last Saturday I am down 5.8 lbs. in 4 weeks. My mini-goal is to be at 173 by August 29^th with my long term goal to get back between 156 and 166- my ideal weight range.  So no, it’s not a whole lot of weight I am looking to lose, especially compared to how much I had to lose to get to this point, but I knew I couldn’t get there without making some changes. And I am so happy I did.

I also started the Cize workout program which is by far the best thing I have ever done in terms of at home DVDs. It is so much fun and I look forward to it every day. I love it so much that I even post videos on my blog page documenting my progress. (this is my affiliate link in case you are interested in Cize or anything else Beachbody- that's about all I will say about that) 

One of many (probably too many) sweaty selfies I have been posting after my workouts :)

And because I firmly believe no man is an island, I started a FB group for accountability and support. We are all doing a hodgepodge of programs and activities and I love it. Please feel free to join us if you are looking for the same.

Lastly, I have the Pensacola half marathon in November. Training is set to start August 30th  and I was so not looking forward to it. I honestly think after the spring races I have already registered for I will be taking another hiatus from running. I think I am falling out of love with it…but that is for another post. What I am looking forward to is helping my Little Brother train for the Pensacola Kids Marathon. Now that will inspire me to be a really great role model and cheerleader for him. I am super excited about that! 

I think I am on a roll, I am feeling excited and happy about the things I am doing and that is making it easier to keep doing them...go figure ;) It's a good feeling to be back in this place again. 

Who doesn't love puppy pictures? 

Carousels are not strictly for kids ;)

What about you? What are you doing today to help commit/recommit to a healthy and happy life?

Love and hugs,

Dacia

xoxoxox

The Fog is Lifting

I know I posted about this on my blog Facebook page and so you probably already know this. But still I am going to do a short recap and catch every up to speed and then fill you in on the details. On Monday I met with my doctor for my semi-annual checkup. You know normal, routine maintenance. Once a year she sends me for blood work and this was the visit in which we reviewed the results. Here is the skinny…

The Good

Blood pressure: 108/70

Cholesterol: 142
HDL: 66 (good cholesterol - normal is >46)
Triglycerides: 96 (normal is <150)
LDL: 57 (bad cholesterol - normal is <130)
Glucose: 77 (normal range 65-99)
Vitamin D: 48 (optimal is >=30)
 


*She always comments on how healthy I am and how great my numbers are which makes me happy :)

The Not So Good

Vitamin B12: 305 (down from 327 in May and 658 last year)

TSH levels: 4.58 (normal range is .40-4.20 so just slightly elevated but it is a jump from last year's 1.53)

So let’s start first with the TSH because this is a quick recap. She said the jump could be an anomaly or it could be a sign of Hashimoto’s. She sent me for additional blood work (a T3, T4 and another TSH screening) and the results all came back normal. My TSH was down to 3 and my T3 and T4 were right in the midst of the normal range. Her recommendation is additional blood work screenings every 6 months for the TSH levels and that is it for now. Glad to know that everything checked out good on Monday. Also glad she did additional testing first before prescribing me any (unnecessary, clearly) meds. 

However, the B12 is kind of a big issue. Not because it dropped so much over a year but because it dropped since May. See, back in May (after I came back from Ragnar) I was a mess. I was so tired and so sick for a few days that I ended up at urgent care and my doctor’s just to make sure everything was ok. It was ok. Well, everything except my B12 so the doc had me start taking a high dose supplement which I did so regularly. I was adamant about it. I maybe missed it two times over the past 8ish weeks. I wanted to feel better.

But I never did. I just stayed like a zombie. Life was difficult. I was tired all the time. And even though I was still able to make (most days) fitness and healthy eating my priority it was a struggle. I just was not myself and it was taking its toll.

Fast forward to Monday’s checkup and the realization that my levels dropped even while taking a supplement and the doc said I needed to either go on injections or a nasal spray B12 because my body was not absorbing it. I opted for the injections and my first was that morning. My second was yesterday. And today…..

Well today I feel like the fog is finally lifting. 

You have no idea guys…I feel like a new person. Or actually I just feel like my old self. Today was the first day in two months that I actually woke up when my alarm went off and was awake. For two months I have been a zombie, I don't know a better way to describe it. No amount of sleep was never enough. And because I was always tired I was also super moody. I couldn’t focus at work. I was super irritable. It was not fun. I was not fun.

But today, today I feel like the tide has finally shifted and I might finally be on the way back to the person I was a few months ago and I am freaking ecstatic. You guys, I just can’t believe it. I guess I got so accustomed to feeling crappy all the time that I didn’t even realize how bad it was….until it wasn’t anymore.

I am so thankful that I go for semi-annual checkups and try to stay on top of my health. Because if I didn't I would still be feeling like crap and that would suck. My health is my top priority and so I need to make sure I am doing things in my life that reflect that and regular screenings is one of those things. Anyway, this is all just to show that this is why it is important to get regular checkups. Even when you feel healthy. I go every 6 months and now will be getting blood work checks every 6 months as well, to monitor both the TSH levels and the Vitamin B12 levels.

The more you know, right?  

Thanks NBC

(this has been your daily public service announcement)

Love and hugs, 

Dacia

xoxoxoxo