Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Love and Hate: A Guest Post

My friend Racheal reached out to me to ask if she could write something for my blog. She told me she had been inspired by my blog but that there is something more now to that inspiration and she wanted to share it with my readers. I, of course, said yes. It was both humbling and exciting to even have been asked. Racheal has been a part of my life for over 8 years now and with me throughout my journey since very early on. I am beyond thrilled to share her story with all of you :) 

I have spent most of my life disliking the way I look. From a young age, I had been told by my family and the kids at school that I was overweight, that I was fat. Hearing this repeatedly, especially from the people in my life that are supposed to love me unconditionally, helped me learn and adopt several bad behaviors. The first, to dislike myself and the second, to have a bad relationship with food. By the time I was 16, I had successfully learned how to use food to make me feel better and that if you eat too much, you can never lose weight. Along with that, the message that "fat girls don't get married" became a regular thing that my mother said to me. So as most teenagers do, striving to fit in and being extremely aware of my size (my first driver's license listed my weight at 235 pounds), I pretty much stopped eating. I saved my lunch money daily and bought cd's instead of lunch and didn't each much for dinner. After having this kind of behavior for two years, I gained 18 pounds and graduated from high school at 253 pounds. And you know what, I still hated the way I looked.

In college, I tried different weight loss diet plans. Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, the drops, and so on. You name it, I tried it. I still managed to gain weight despite trying to follow these programs as well as any college kid can. And I still hated the way that I looked and the way I felt about myself. But I did enjoy my time in college and made some really great friends. 

After graduation, I moved out on my own with my first real job to start my career. I went back to Weight Watchers, because I figured life was different now. I wasn't reliant on the school cafeteria anymore and I could cook my own food. This time around with this program, it was different. I lost almost 60 pounds over the course of about a year. And you would think that I would feel great about myself and my accomplishment. But I didn't. I still didn't care much for the way I looked. I still saw myself as the 286 pound woman that I was the year before even though my clothes were significantly smaller and I was starting to shop in the Misses department. I really didn't know why I was so unhappy with myself. I mean, I had grown up being told how my life's happiness would come from losing weight. But it wasn't. I mean, I had a good job, amazing friends, supportive family, a great place to live, and most importantly, aside from my weight, I was in good health. What more could I ask for? 


What more could I ask for? I repeat the question intentionally. From the outside, I felt like everything should be perfect. From the inside, I still hated the way I looked. I hated my body. And for the next 8 years of my life, I would continue feeling the same way. I even got married in that time, advanced my career, had some amazing experiences that most people could only dream of having. And yet, deep down, I wasn't happy with myself. I was still an overweight woman and even though fat girls do get married, this fat girl still had major apprehension about her body. 


A few years ago, Dacia reached out to me and shared a link to her blog with me. I started reading her blog, and what she had to say really resonated with me. I could relate and for the first time, I felt like someone else got how I felt about myself and what I was going through. Even sitting through those Weight Watchers meetings, I felt like no one understood my journey and the mountain I felt like I was facing. And of course, through her blog, I started reading others, and a lot more books, articles and magazines about health and weight loss. There was one common theme that I kept seeing. Anyone can lose weight, but not everyone can keep the weight off. Those that have kept the weight they lost off have been the ones that have learned to love themselves as they are.

Learn to love myself as I am. That seems simple enough. I mean, I love my personality, my ability to do my job really well, how I build relationships, and so on. But here's the thing, that's all the stuff that's on the inside. Not once have I ever loved my outside. So now here's another tough question that I had to figure out. How do I love my outside when I've spent a lifetime hating it? 

How do I love my outside when I've spent a lifetime hating it? I agonized over this question and how to answer it for the longest time. I read more about health and weight loss. I grasped at every topic even closely relating to this topic. I even considered bariatric surgery to help me learn to love my outside (this consideration did not last long for me, not that there is anything wrong with it, it's just not for me). I was almost obsessed and still striving on some level to "lose weight to feel better about myself." But I already knew that this wasn't the answer. I'd lost weight before (that 60 pounds I lost, I gained it all back along with 20 more) so how would losing weight again help me love myself? It doesn't. Weight Watchers even told me repeatedly that as you lose weight you'll start to love your new body. I started to hate my body even more as I had lost the weight. I mean, almost every part of me between my shoulders and my thighs was covered in stretch marks and my boobs were starting to sag something fierce. This was like a new barrier in my mind even. I mean, how could you love looking like you have the skin of a senior citizen when you are in your early 30's? 

This past November, I tore the ACL in my right knee. I had surgery in March to reconstruct it, just so that I could walk enough for my job daily, let alone anything else. During the first 3 months of recovery, I learned how to answer the question. So how have I learned to love my outside when I've spent a lifetime hating it? It all started with having this surgery. Instead of being angry about everything that I couldn't do, I appreciated what I could do. This started with the littlest of things, being able to get into the car to go home from surgery without bending my one knee. The people at the hospital honestly thought they were going to have to do more to help me, and when I realized after the drugs wore off that I did that all by myself (mostly), I was proud. This appreciation and pride in my body started so small, but kept going. Every day was something new. I could get myself in and out of the bed by myself, shower by myself (if you think climbing over the side of a tub while on crutches and with a knee that doesn't bend is easy, think again), and so on. This appreciation and pride that was growing helped me tell my husband daily that we were not having fast food for dinner, we were going to have something home cooked and healthy. 

I sit here now, 3 months post op, and I am in a very different place with myself than I could have ever imagined I would be because of that whole thing. But honestly, finding that appreciation of my body and what it could do has really helped me drastically change the way that I feel about myself. I love my outside just as much as the inside. And as that change has taken place, all of my choices have changed drastically. I opt for healthier food because it's what I want, not because it feels like a chore. I exercise because it's actually fun and not a chore, even doing some of the things that I hate doing are more fun. And I'm realizing with the 12 pounds that I've lost since I had knee surgery that if I wouldn't have found this love for myself that I think my health would be greatly suffering.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say that anyone should have knee surgery, or any other kind of surgery, to find their appreciation or love of themself. What I am saying is that you should take the time to look at what you can do and appreciate that about yourself. Even if it's something as little as getting in and out of the car, or as much as running a marathon. It takes time. Day by day, being proud of all those little things that you can do adds up and makes a difference. 


I hope you enjoyed reading Racheal's story as much as I did. As you know, I am an advocate for self love and body acceptance at any/every size- I feel that is the key to being able to lose and then maintain weight loss for me. I am super excited to be able to support Racheal along on her journey the way she has done for me. So please send some love and encouragement her way - talking about the tough stuff on a public forum is not an easy thing to do. This girl definitely has chutzpah

Love and hugs,

Sunday, June 28, 2015

My Tribe

I'm sitting on my flight from Denver to Houston. I'm tired. I am so very, very tired. This past weekend at Fitbloggin has come and gone in a flash and I am doing my best not to let this overwhelm me with sadness. 

To explain why, I need to tell you what Fitbloggin is all about. It's the people. My people. MY TRIBE. My cheerleaders. My brothers and sisters in arms. They are the people that love with the whole of their heart. The ones that make me feel safe just with a smile or a hug. This is the group of people in my life that allows, and encourages, me to just be me (and love me 'just the way that I am'). The ones that make me laugh until I cry. The ones that allow me to express and emote and talk about the rough shit with no fear of judgement. The ones that share with me their life, their stories, their love and weave me into their tapestry. These are the people that want to see the ring and chat about the wedding. They ask about Gordie and know all about his adventures. They are the ones that bring me beers and go to breweries with me just because they know it's what I would like to do. They are my yoga buddies and my running companions. They know I am vegan and make jokes about iceberg lettuce and french fries. They know to feed me when I'm hangry- although that's more for their own interest then mine. They are the hugs and the kisses and all of the oh how I've missed ya's. They are the celebrators of life. The dance until you drop, talk all night, wild and crazy and quiet and shy beautiful souls. They are the people I NEED in my life. So much so that I have traveled all over the country to attend a conference that lasts just three days because I know those three days will make the other 362 days SO MUCH BETTER!

Fitbloggin is, of course, more than just the people but for me it is the reason why I choose to attend. Never in my life have I experienced anything close to the phenomenon that happens at this conference- a few hundred people, all of different ages, shapes, sizes and abilities, coming together to celebrate, positively and lovingly, a common interest. And even though we all attend and approach Fitbloggin differently that is not something that divides us, we all relish in our commonalities. Which is pretty amazing. 

I don't know what to say. When I started this whole blogging thing 4.5 years ago I never could have imagined this is where it would lead me. I may not be the best or the most popular blogger but that was never my goal. My goal was to share my story, whatever that might be. From that first step I have been able to find inspiration, help, and wisdom from other bloggers and develop those bonds into some of the closest and most meaningful relationships of my life. I am truly the luckiest to be able to be a part of something this amazing. 

Fitbloggin just ended a few hours ago and my mind is filled with thoughts about next year. Hoping I can once again make the trek and spend another weekend with my tribe. Excited for those that are making the trip to Pensacola for my wedding- allowing me to have my blood family and chosen family all in one place. And of course I am optimistic that there may be some random adventures during the next year that allows me to see my friends, my soul mates, yet again. But until then, I leave Denver with a full heart, strong body, and a happy, quietly buzzing mind ready to take all of the wonderful energy and awesome memories into my daily life. My Fitbloggin friends are with me always. And for that I am a far better person. 

Just a few of my favorites...

Love and hugs, 

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

I've Got Denver On My Mind

I’m so excited to be heading off to Denver tomorrow for Fitbloggin’!!! This will be my third year attending. This conference is always a big highlight of my year. It is a time to see my people, most of which I only see once a year at this conference, try new things, and to spend a long weekend really getting to know myself better. Fitbloggin’ is a very introspective experience for me. And yes, believe it or not, I can always use more time to be introspective. I always come away from this conference slightly changed and super motivated about my life and the path I am on. I don’t expect this year to be any different, either.

A few of my favorite memories from Fitbloggin' 2013 and 2014

In addition to the conference sessions and events I am planning on doing some fun things around Denver while I am there. Here is a quick rundown.


You know I will be hitting up some breweries while I am there. Portland (FB 2013) was a great city for breweries and I am thinking Denver will be just as good for me. My plan is one a day: Thursday - Great Divide, Friday – Breckenridge, and Saturday – Renegade Brewing for their 4th anniversary block party. Knowing all that I have planned and the time it will take me to acclimate to life above sea level, I am trying to stay conservative with my beer consumption. I am planning on hitting these breweries with friends, friends that will share flights and beers with me so I can try new stuff and at the same time not get wasted.


If you know me in real life then you know that when I travel I come prepared with a list of restaurants and markets in the area I am staying where I can grab some really good vegan eats.  The tops of my list of must eats: Native Foods Café (which I have dined at in LA and cannot wait to go back!), Watercourse Foods (I am hoping to dine here Friday night) and Beet Box Bakery because….vegan doughnuts. You know that is a must for me!


Now Fitbloggin’ itself is like half workouts - half sessions and I have plans to participate in some during the conference like Zumba, Glider Yoga, Yoga on the Roof, Posture Fit and Jump Fitness (my favorite from 2013). But I am also planning on including some additional activity as well. Heather and I (whom are leading the small group discussion with Thea) are going to a Friday morning Empowerment Vinyasa class at Sol Shine Yoga Studio and then a Sound Healing & Restorative Yoga workshop at the Body Mind Energy Center on Saturday. When I lived in San Antonio I used to go to sound healing workshops and LOVED them. I haven’t found anything comparable in Pensacola so I jumped at the chance to do this while in Denver. Also, the empowerment yoga class and the studio itself had great descriptions posted - I was hooked….

About the studio: At Sol Shine you are encouraged to AUTHENTICALLY be yourself. We offer up this urban sanctuary for YOU to mold your mind and body into your ideal vessel for RADICAL SELF-LOVE. Our mission is to provide a non-judgmental, supportive and inspiring community for students of all levels to flourish in.

About the class: This high-vibrational power vinyasa class will leave you feeling strong and empowered in mind, body and spirit. You will build heat as you flow breath to movement. Modifications will be cued so everyone has the opportunity to explore their edge. Some yoga experience is recommended.

See, amazing right? I cannot wait!

In addition to all of these conference and non-conference activities and outings there is something else I am super excited and nervous about but I am not going to spill the beans just yet….you’ll have to wait and see what happens in Denver that takes me COMPLETELY outside of my comfort zone!

Love and hugs,

Friday, June 19, 2015

A Little Friday Rant...

Here’s what I think…

I don’t like the phrase ‘real women’ because it makes me wonder where all the ‘fake women’ are. Are you a human? Yes. Are you a female human? Yes. Well, then guess what? You are a real woman. Now I know that it is used most of the time in place of saying a non-professional model (like ‘this ad campaign uses real women’) or to say that the body types presented are a better reflection of the mix of what we see in our everyday life. I get that. But semantically speaking- aren’t the models real women too? Let’s not hate on them just because their profession and their body is different than ours. That’s silly.

I also don’t like the terms ‘bad food’ or ‘cheat food’ or any other phrase that gives food power. Food has one main job- to keep us alive. Food also has secondary jobs –like bringing us enjoyment. Regardless of what you are eating something good is coming from it. Yes, there are more indulgent foods than others. And yes, maybe I do need to limit how often or how frequently I can eat something because of its effects on my body. However, I don’t want to feel guilty or ashamed or embarrassed ever about the food choices I make. It is just food people. It is simple and easy and, ultimately, powerless over us.

I don’t like the fact that ‘common sense’ is not so common anymore when it comes to healthy living. I love that there is a whole movement now centered around what should be/used to be common sense - ‘what you can,when you can’ - but the diet industry has overwhelmed us for decades with how to lose weight (fad after fad, quick fix after quick fix) and has pretty much brainwashed us to think otherwise. An industry that profits off of our failures (meaning unsuccessful weight loss/maintenance attempts) is not an industry I want to have anything to do with. However, it is all we know. Personally, it has been in my face through TV ads, magazines, social media- you name it- my entire life. Someone, somewhere is telling me that they have a better plan for me and guess what? It does NOT involve recognizing my personal needs, wants, limitations and it does NOT allow for real-life, long term sustainability. We need to create a mental shift away from this and move towards a healthier focus on sustainable habits.

And lately I really don’t like the scale. Not because of the number it reads when I step on it, but because I care. I don’t like living my life feeling like my worth is being measured in pounds, or the lack thereof. I know that I am the only one making me feel this way however, it does not help that in the weight loss world people focus first (and sometimes only) on how much you lost (and how quickly) and how much of that loss is maintained. I get it. Numbers are easy. But fuck, they should never be an indication of our worth or success or failure or anything like that. If I step on the scale and gained, so be it. If I step on the scale and have lost, so be it. If I chose to not give a crap about that number any more, well that’s ok too. Honestly, for me, that number is the hardest part of the process. It’s like my judgement stick, it is my personal benchmark. But I don’t want it to be. I want my life to be measured in moments and memories and laughs and snuggles and not inches and pounds. Again, this is all me. So today I am telling myself…just let it go. Let go of that number and move on. It is time to focus on the bigger picture, and that number does not play any part in it.

This sums is up perfectly...

Image from C'est La Vie 

Anyway, sorry for the brain dump. Some days….well, some days I just have a lot of random shit on my mind. LOL.

Happy Friday!

Love and hugs,


Thursday, June 18, 2015

Eat, Move, Love at Fitbloggin' 15

Photo/logo courtesy of Fitbloggin' 

I am very (super duper unbelievably) excited to be heading off to Denver in a week. Not only will I be attending my THIRD Fitbloggin’ conference I will also speaking there as well. Our session (I am speaking with Thea and Heather) is called ‘Eat, Move, Love: Finding Yourself Without Losing Your Mind’ and if you would like to read the session summary click here.

I really cannot wait for this session. Ours session is in the ‘small group discussion’ category meaning there will be interaction between the three of us and anyone choosing to attend vs. a presentation where someone speaks at you with limited interaction or feedback. Thea, Heather and I are putting together talking points in order to make sure the conversation moves over the course of the hour long session but I personally think there will be a lot of people interacting and sharing. At least that’s what I hope for. I think this is a great topic that is relatable to anyone in any situation so hopefully we have a good turnout and we all walk away feeling a bit stronger and happier in our life.

On the Fitbloggin’ page for our session there are seven topics for discussion listed- all of which could be a session in and of itself. Once I am back I am hoping to sit down and write about each of these topics and (with permission of course) include some of the things discussed in the session by attendees. Maybe this could even allow for a guest post or two. Who knows? I always have great ideas but I don’t always have the free time to execute them. LOL. BUT these are all topics important to me and I hope that soon I can share with you some of my opinions about each of them.

Of course, if you don’t want to wait ,come check out our session on Saturday June 27th from 11:30-12:30. If you aren’t planning on attending Fitbloggin’ then check out their website and social media outlets for some possible recaps. Maybe even some photos on their IG page or some live video on Periscope. I will be shooting videos from Fitbloggin’ as well and sharing them live on Periscope (make sure you download the free app) but I doubt I will be able to do that during my own session.

Here are some links in case you want to follow me and/or the Fitbloggin’ fun next weekend in Denver:

My Personal Stuff

Instagram (@daciaroot)   Twitter  (@MyRootsToGrow - my Periscope is linked to this account)   Facebook (same, My Roots to Grow) 
Instagram (@fitbloggin)   Twitter   (@fitbloggin - same for Periscope) Facebook (Fitbloggin' community page) 

Are you coming to Fitbloggin’? If so, what session or fitness class are you most excited for?

Love and hugs,

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Life is Good

I am in a really good place right now. My mind, although not free of clutter, is settling into my new routine happily. My headspace is getting happier, calmer. Life is good.

Don’t jinx yourself dummy…goes to find some wood to knock on.

Although life is chaotic as usual (did I tell you I have a comprehensive exam/paper due next week that I must totally kick ass on in order to degree complete? And that I haven’t started it yet? In my defense yesterday was the first day I could have worked on it) I am learning, finally after decades of this shit, how to calm my monkey mind.

Right now I have so many positive influences in my life helping me to better take care of myself. Erick focuses and grounds me when I start to freak the eff out about whatever stressor of the day- usually school, but sometimes work. He has really taught me a lot about my personal strengths and how to utilize them. He has also taught me that I stress over things for really no reason. I mean, the paper is due. That’s just a fact of life. I will get it done. I always do. I have a freaking 3.96 (thanks to two stinking A minuses during my divorce)- I know what I am doing. I need to chill. It will get finished whether I stress over it or not so why stress, right? Simple idea but yet one that has eluded me my entire life. BUT I am getting better at it. Did you see I took a beach break in the middle of writing my midterm paper? Now that is progress my friends.

Anna has been helping me lately, too. She has been my workout buddy for a few months now and as of last week (two weeks ago?) we are back into a regular gym routine. She is a huge driving force in my life. Not only does she keep me in check on our gym days but we also try to take one walk a day during our work day. I love that she also understands the importance of staying active, even through less than ideal circumstances. She has a baby, and a dog, and a husband, and CHICKENS, and a stressful job but she still finds a way. Oh, and she is my matron of honor and humors me by listening to more wedding talk than probably necessary. Having her as a friend has really added so much happiness to my life in Pensacola.

Yoga. What more do I need to say. I knew it was what I needed- to reconnect with my mat. Me feet grounded firmly on the earth my heart and head pointed to the heavens. It has brought me so much calm and joy and I am so happy to have a practice back into my routine. Now, since they just opened the new studio and I just signed up for the monthly pass I am still in the process of finding which classes I love AND fit in my schedule AND work around E’s schedule. So far I think I am settled into Monday hot yoga with Sam (although Divine Balance is a close second) and maybe some weeks I will do back to back with her and stay for acroyoga. That is more a timing issue than anything-being able to stay for two classes. I also love Sunset Flow on Tuesdays (which I am headed to shortly) but starting next week E and I will be participating in a cornhole (bean bag toss) league and the games conflict with yoga so for the next two months I will be choosing cornhole (and beers) over yoga on Tuesdays. I have also started taking a Wednesday lunch time yoga class at the gym at the university but that looks like the last summer session is next week. So…I will be back to the drawing board trying to find a couple more classes.

For now, I am going to keep on enjoying every day and the blessings it brings me. Next week is Denver and Fitbloggin' and I am beyond excited. I am on periscope now (follow me through my Twitter @MyRootToGrow) and I plan on posting a ton of videos from FB. Maybe someone will even persiscope the session I am leading with Thea and Heather. That would be AWESOME.

Until then….

Love and hugs,


Thursday, June 11, 2015

Finding My Edge

I had an epiphany at the gym this morning.

Ok, maybe the use of the word epiphany is a bit dramatic.  More like a realization. And actually it is an ongoing realization, a thought I have been having for some time now that keeps creeping back into my head. Today, I proved it right.

When it comes to most fitness related activities we really need to find our edge and walk that fine line between pushing ourselves just past it (leading to growth) and pushing ourselves too far past it (leading to injury).  Yes, you know that idiom the magic happens outside of your comfort zone? It’s popular for a reason.

Well anyway, I often think about how I am not really that person that does anything on (or just past) my edge. I play it safe. I push but I don’t push too hard. Not saying I am not trying to improve or grow in whatever fitness endeavor I am on but I do recognize the times when I let fear (fear of injury, embarrassment, disappointment) hold me back. 

It’s easy in the comfort zone. It’s safe. I mean the name itself says it- COMFORT zone. It sounds so cozy. I just want to snuggle up with a good book and chill in my comfort zone.

However, as awesome as my comfort zone is, I have finally decided that I really need to be better at finding and moving past my edge. I do want to grow. I do want to rise to the challenge, even if that means failure. Because from that failure comes growth and really, that is all I am after. 

I was at the gym this morning with Anna, we were doing our normal mix of cardio and strength training. We had warmed up on the treadmill, where I maxed out at a sad (because I wasn’t even pushing myself) 6.0 mph – very easy walking/jogging/light running warm up, then we did 5 minutes on the rowing machine (I barely passed the 1000m mark when my time was up) and then 5 minutes of jump rope. We did some ab work – which in my defense it may seem like I am not trying my best but I am, my core is still pretty weak so I did push it out the best I could. Then we moved on to weights and this is where my epiphany happened.

I sat down on the leg press machine which was set to 240 lbs. Ha! I laughed to myself, 240 lbs is crazy and I immediately moved it down to 120 lbs and began my first set. 120 lbs seemed a bit easy and so I bumped it up to 140 lbs for the next set and the 160 lbs for the last. Then something inside clicked and I realized 160 lbs was not my edge. So I decided to test out 200 lbs, just until failure. I would be happy with 1 rep if that was all I could do. But it wasn’t. I completed 10 reps at 200 lbs and thought that 200 probably wasn’t even my edge. Sadly, it was time to move on to other exercises so I didn’t find my edge. BUT I did find the push I need to get there. To not be so damn afraid.

Next week, I am finding my edge on that leg press machine….and I promise to keep trying to find my edge in everything I do. How else will I ever know what I can do if I spend my time worried about what I can’t?

Love and hugs,



Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Is Fitness Broken?

I read this post written by a fitness center titled “Fitness is Broken”. It talked about the common focus on the first two months of being active/joining a gym/changing habits and ignoring the long term. It was a great read, and not just for someone just starting out. You can check it out here…don’t worry, you can go read it. I'll wait.

That post made me think about my current/next two months. You see, right now I am kind of in a transitional period. Hmmmm….maybe transitional period isn’t the right phrase. Right now my focus has transitioned to different forms of movement and activity in order to help me better focus on my goals; strength, flexibility, balance, and some inner fucking peace. 

What does that look like?

Yoga, gym time with Anna (which is a mix of cardio and strength training), hiking with Erick and Gordie, relaxing on the beach or in the hammock or really anywhere outdoors, walking and exploring where we live and when we travel, trying new classes just for the fun of it, joining a cornhole (bean bag toss) league. It’s really whatever I feel like my body needs and honoring that.

I was asked the other day what does a normal week for me look like in terms of activity and my response went something like this. I typically aim to be active 5-6 days a week but I count any type of intentional activity as activity. I am not limiting what I consider activity to going to the gym or a class or a run but instead I classify activity as any time I intentionally choose to move my body. Not that I am not saying I don’t plan out my activity for the week or try to set a schedule to follow because during the week I really need to. Not just for me but for E and now Anna, both who need me to commit my time to something in order for them to be able to get in their activity too. But stating that I am aiming for 5-6 days with intentional movement allows for some flexibility too. It means taking yoga instead of running, or lifting weights instead of cardio machines. It allows me to focus more on my body and less on a plan.

Which after pretty much a year of following training plans for half marathons, Ragnar and working with a physical trainer my body is so ready for some flexibility, literally and figuratively.

Why do I write all this? Well, because that article brought home some really good, and applicable, points about the purpose of being active.

It’s good to be focused on my next two months but it is also good to focus on the big picture and how these months play a big part of it. In two months I will be changing up my routine again and starting back into half marathon training. These two months are key to preparing for that. Like the article said “the next two months are about doing something that will make the months to follow even better”. That is my focus, taking care of myself in the now/short term in order to make my long term better. My focus needs to include both.

Also, the article talks about consistency and how the idea that we need to be motivated in order to exercise is poisoning our mind. Exercise should be drama-free and stress-free and something we WANT to do. Something that should come to us as easily as reading, practicing an instrument or any other hobby, not something we need dread, fear or something requiring an outside element (motivation) in order to do. If this is how we are feeling about the exercise/activity we are doing it will be a difficult and unlikely habit to maintain.

The article makes a lot of really great points (yeah, you really should read it) and I think it resonated with me so strongly because this is where my head is out now. This is how I feel about exercise and being active: it’s a gift. It is something I enjoy. It is something that I know will help make my future better. And I hope you feel that way as well.

And I hope that today you are also able to make decisions that will help maximize your life and set yourself up for future successes.

Love and hugs,


Monday, June 8, 2015


I am ready to move into the next phase of my life…or at least, I should say, I am ready for my next mental shift. It has been coming for some time as it is something I feel I have been working towards for a while. And I think I am there….or at least pretty damn close.

I am ready to just be.

Let me say that again….I AM READY TO JUST BE

I am ready for that point where it stops being about the choices I ‘have to’ make in order to maintain my health and weight loss and shift that mindset to these are the choices I simply just make in order to do so.

Meaning…no more feelings of resentment or dislike or distaste for the routine and the lifestyle I have to lead, especially when at times I am doing so in order to live up to (false) expectations. And with that I also need to let go of the guilt I feel for making decisions that go against what I believe others expect of me.

It’s time to just be me.

No apologies. No excuses. No explanations.

Just me.

I wrote a few months ago about wanting to just be normal and my friend responded to that post stating that (I’m paraphrasing here) that this life is my normal. My habits and actions and all the thought (or sometimes lack thereof) I put into the decisions I make is my normal. Long gone are those days where I lived with reckless abandon to consequences of the choices I was making. That life was my old normal but it was far from the healthy normal I craved.

My life now requires more thought and sometimes more focus and usually a lot more planning (when can I make it to the gym? will cornhole league conflict with yoga class? do I have enough oats to make it to the end of the week? etc.) and that is NORMAL. Normal for me, at least.

And I get that now.

And I love my new normal.

No, it’s not always easy. And no, every part of it doesn’t come naturally to me yet but it will. And if it doesn’t that won’t stop me from continuing to live this way.

And understanding and accepting that should make it easier to just be.

So here it is, this is what needs to happen. I need to let go of what I think is expected of me. No more getting mentally bogged down in the numbers (no scale obsession) or the tracking or what I should be eating or how I should be exercising. No more letting what others are doing negatively impact my life or at the least, change how I am living my life. No more thinking that “normal” life is any different that my actual life. No more of this absurd belief that anyone out there besides myself really has expectations for how I live and present my life.

And most importantly- no more trying to fix my flaws and cover up my imperfections. Those are what make me the person I am. And that person is fucking awesome.

Now it is time to just be her for a while.

Love and hugs,

Thursday, June 4, 2015


I love running, it is one of my favorite activities. But believe it or not, it isn’t the only thing I love to do. I know at times it seems like I am all running all the time, especially after surgery and training up for a half, then running back to backs halfs, then Ragnar it probably seemed that way. But honestly, if I lived in a more bike friendly area- I would be cycling every day and running only on occasion. I also love, love, love group fitness classes. I spent the first couple years of my journey taking every class I could find/afford before I even thought about running. There is something special about the camaraderie to be found in group fitness- whether it’s boxing or yoga, it’s there and it’s awesome.

After Ragnar I was all set to start PiYO. E bought me the DVD set for Christmas and I was just waiting to be out of HM/Ragnar training mode before I started it. I wanted to be able to dedicate myself to the program- following its 6 day a week for 8 weeks schedule. So a few weeks ago I started it and guess what??? I really did not like it. Maybe it’s because I dislike straining my neck as I look up from the floor to the TV to see what is happening. Maybe it’s because I felt it was boring and it did not grab my attention or raise my energy like T25 or Combat did.  I am not sure but I knew I wasn’t going to make it the 8 weeks. I hated to quit PiYo but it felt inevitable. Instead I opted to start back at real yoga classes taking advantage of a great deal one of our local studios was offering for May and bought a month of unlimited classes pass. And so it began…

One of the reasons I love yoga is that it helps me feel centered and calm. It brings me closer to a zen-like state and I like that. Heck, I need that. With all the running (literal and figurative) around I do, I need something to balance out the chaos. My life, most days, is almost all yang with very little yin. And that takes its toll on me- mentally, spiritually and physically. It’s only been a week back into my practice and I have already noticed a huge difference in my mood and my anxiety. I was super stressed all the time before. I would stress over any little thing so easily. It was eating away at me. And as much as I love running it does not have a calming effect on me. It is the opposite. To me, running is aggressive and impactful and although it is awesome, it is not my calming, happy place. It is my I am empowered and awesome and doing all the things and I just want to run and run and run but it is not my zen.

And like I said, I need some more zen in my life. And E, well he needs me to have more zen in my life too!

This go around, when half marathon training begins later in the summer, I need to make sure I do a better job at balancing both. My goals need to be both running AND yoga related. I need to do better with my activity balance, remind me I said this in a couple months ok?

Until then, I am just going to enjoy trying out a new studio and sampling any/every class that works into my schedule and, of course, treat each like the gift it is. The gift that can bring me inner peace if I allow it. That right there is priceless.

All the yoga memes FTW!

Yes, a million times yes! 

Just kidding! I drink beer in my yoga pants. 

Love and hugs,